h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

And if you need some help, give us a yell

Matt

cheers chaps. bit hectic at the moment, but will get back to work on the entry soon...

You might want to move all the majority of the bits in brackets to the bottom as footnotes as it would read much better then.

I find that the use of footnotes and links to external sites breaks up the body of the text quite a lot.

It's a great entry, if you need someone to have a go at polishing it just ask, we need to get this entry into the guide as soon as possible...

I'd like to see the mild expletives such as "kicking the crap out of" and "poor bastard" removed - I don't think they contribute much. Other than that, this is an amusing and informative entry, but it does need polishing.

You need some links to various national Rugby Union websites.

Annie

I don't know if this is the correct way to present this or not but I played with your entry a bit Fraggle and moved some of the stuff in brackets into footnotes and so on...have a look at this and see if you like it. We need some Rugby in the guide sooner rather than later!







Rugby union is a sport played with varying success all over the world. It was invented in the 1820s when a public school boy called William Webb Ellis essentially cheated at footballsoccer by picking up the ball and romping off down the field, touching it down between the goalposts. In most situations, this would have led to a sound thrashing by the games master, and at least a free kick. However, the idea caught on and the new sport was named rugby after the school at which it was developed. How different the sporting world would have been if one of Webb Ellis’ classmates had hacked him down with a two footed challenge and then beat him up in the showers later…
Like all sports, rugby union has rules. However, it’s not that simple. Try to explain to the uninitiated what is happening at any point in a rugby match, and you will understand. To the untrained eye, it just looks like a 30-manor 30-woman - they play too and in growing numbers riot, with some random bloke running around blowing a whistle and shouting
No. No. NO! RUCK! Hands away! HANDS AWAY! PHWEEEEEEP!He doesn’t actually say “PHWEEEEEEP!” That’s the whistle for a penalty for handling on the ground.
The basic premise of rugby is very simple: 15 players13 in the League code, but that can be explained elsewhere divide themselves into 8 ‘forwards’ and 7 ‘backs’ based on size, weight, strength, speed and intelligenceA good rule is multiply the number on a player’s back by ten. That roughly approximates their IQ – apologies to any props who can read this. Or, indeed, at all and face a similar set of 15 players. The object of the game is to place an elliptical ball on the ground behind the opposing team’s try line50 metres from the middle of the pitch and indicated by a set of ‘H’ shaped posts at the centre, flags at the edges and surprisingly enough a white line, which will score the team 5 points. The unusual name comes from the next event in play after scoring where the scoring team get a chance to ‘try’ to kick the ball between the posts. This can be from anywhere up to 22 metres away from the spot the try was scored – perpendicular to the try line, aiming between the posts. If the ball goes between the posts above the crossbar, the try is judged to have been ‘converted’ and a further 2 points are scored. The team with the most points after two periods of 40 minutes wins.
Simple, huh?That’s the easy bit. The hard bit is actually understanding what is going on at any one time. There are a number of things you have to bear in mind when watching or playing rugby, which will make the whole thing much easier to understandor at least stop you frothing at the mouth screaming for mother
1: The ball can only be passed backwards using the hands.
This is obviously to stop cheating sorts simply lobbing the ball the length of the pitch and scoring lots of points with the minimum of effort and/or bloodshed. Passing forward is against the rules and will result in a penalty against you…unless you are the New Zealand All Blacks, in which case it usually results in a try!The national team of New Zealand, known as the All Blacks are notorious for being on the receiving end of some very ‘lucky’ refereeing decisions, which in some cases have resulted in matches being won as a result of blatantly illegal moves being ‘missed’ leading to a score. Not that anyone is saying match officials can be swayed...
A ‘knock-on’ occurs when the ball is fumbled forwards from a player's hands and will result usually in a scrum, more on these later. If it comes off a leg, head, chest or genitals it's fine.
2: Players must remain behind the ball carrier or they are offside.
The offside rule in rugby is far simpler than the offside rule in soccer. Basically, if a player on your side has the ball, you have to be behind whichever of their feet is furthest back. If you are in front of this point you are out of the game, and any attempt to interfere with play will result in a penaltyIt does get more complicated than this with kicks or when try to steal the ball from the opposition but that’s the basics of it.. Despite its simplicity this rule is often flouted, mostly by forwardsdue to their simplicity! Accidental offside usually results in a scrum to the opposition, which leads us neatly to…
3: A scrum is not an attempt to keep warm or a bizarre macho hugging contest.
Scrums are a way of restarting the game after an infringement or a mistake. To be brief, a small bloke, the scrum half, rolls the ball between two gangs of sweaty, steaming muscle and lard called the pack. These two groups of eight forwards try to shove each other off the ball so their backs can generally chuck it about until one of them scores, drops it, falls over or gets twatted by the oppositionGavin Henson’s tackle on Jamie Noon in the 2005 Wales v. England RBS Six Nations match – is technically known as getting battered in a gentlemanly but firm manner.. That is all there is to say about scrums, because no-one really understands them except forwards, and they like to keep it quiet; a bit like Freemasonry or what actually goes into KFC.
4: Dangerous play
Picking someone up, then slamming them into the ground so they can get steam rollered by the aforementioned pack is not dangerous play. Punching them is. The rules on dangerous play in rugby are a little hazy. Tackling someone around the neck is murderously stupid, as is collapsing a scrumBoth can result in broken necks or spines and are not a laughing matter. Those who intentionally break this rule have no place in civilised society, let alone on a rugby pitch., but giving someone a ‘good shoeing’raking them with the studs of the boot so they stop blocking the exit of the ball from the pile of bodies known as a ‘ruck’ is not a problem on the whole, unless you are the poor bugger lying in the path of the ball's exit from the ruck. Suffice to say that different referees will tolerate different levels of violence. Any soccer player who thinks they are a hard man, Roy Keane, for example, should avoid boasting until they have stepped onto a pitch with Martin Johnson, Colin Charvis, a peak-fitness Jonah Lomu and the French pack. The words “broken man” and “body bag” spring to mind.
5: A line out is not a parade of criminalsEven though the pack may look like them.
Line outs are a way of restarting the game when the ball has gone over the touchline at the side of the pitch. The two sets of forwards form lines and the ball is thrown by one of them down the middle…theoretically. A player catches it, unless the team in question is Scotland A once proud and feared Rugby nation, Scotland now regularly get stuffed by everyone except maybe Italy. And Georgia. Their shocking performances are often down to simple handling errors at crucial moments leading to the opposing team scoring tries from virtually their own try line and it is passed to the backs who chuck it about a bit more, see point 3.
Other points to bear in mind include the following:
Kicking forwards is allowed (have you ever tried kicking backwards?) in order to gain territory, but the kicker must chase the ball and if it goes over the touchline, the opposing team get a line out. Kicking forwards is not allowed if you are trying to get the forward in question to stop throttling you!Penalty kicks are a bit like a conversion, but score three points. Most players have a natural range of around 30 to 40 yards from the posts in a straight line, but some players are pushing the envelopesuch as Gavin Henson, who regularly puts over kicks from 50 yards or more.
Penalties can also be taken in the form of scrums, kicks to touchin which case the team awarded the penalty also get the throw-in at the line out or the ‘tap-and-go’, in which case the forwards get to do their thing of rumbling forwards like a hungover rhino until the ball is touched down under a pile of bodies or the backs chuck it about again and either score, drop it, etc…
Positions in rugby
The positions in rugby can become very confusing to the uninitiated as most of them are known by at least two different names and sometimes even more. Forwards 2 props, a hookernot a lady of questionable morals, but a bloke of questionable evolution, 2 second rowsalso known as locks, a number 8guess which number is on his shirt… and 2 flankersalso known as wing forwards. The props and hooker are known as the Front Row, and are shorter, heavier and generally stronger than the other players. They are generally responsible for the majority of penalties, either through ignorance of the rules or just being dirty swine. The Second Row players tend to be tall, upwards of 6 feet at least, and at least vaguely mobile. These are the main catchers at a line out. The Back Rowalso known as the Loose Forwards comprises the two flankers and the number 8. These players tend to be faster than the other forwards and twice as dirty, but with a modicum of intelligence that stops them headbutting the ref….or each other.
Backs A scrum half also known as inside half or half back, fly halfor outside half, 2 centres, 2 wingers and a full back. The scrum and fly halves go closer than is advisable to the scrum, and generally act as the link between forward play, lots of grunting and straining, and back play, lots of passing and running around! The centres tend to provide defence and attack, a little like soccer midfielders. Centres are growing in size and power in the modern game, and are generally to be relied on to tackle anything that moves in a different coloured jersey, apart from the ref – usually. The wingers stay on the edges of the pitch. These tend to be speed merchantsnot amphetamine pushers, they just run bloody fast, and are also becoming stronger and more powerful. Jonah Lomu of New Zealand is a fine example – well over six feet tall, 18 stone and can run 100 metres in 10.98 seconds…Truly terrifying, especially if you’re the England player Mike Catt and you are meant to be marking him.The full back, well, stays at the back. Runs a bit, kicks a lot, and tends to shout ‘MARK!’ occasionally when he catches the ball, even if his name isn’t. if a player catches the ball between his 22metre line and try line and calls out MARK then his team is awarded a free kick
Rugby need not be a confusing game, but it often can be. There are so many laws and rules, that even the referees have to be reminded occasionallyall the bloody time of what is legal and what is not. For further information on these, consult the your local Rugby Football Union or the International Rugby Board. Suffice to say that rugby is a sport that is best watched first and played second, as many life insurance companies get twitchy when you say you play. Despite this, however, it is a great sport, which can provide moments of beauty and brillianceFrance’s try against the All Blacks whilst on tour in the 90s – pure poetry in motion as well as sickening aggressionback to Henson and his tackles on, well, anyone during the 2005 RBS Six Nations. Real fights are rare, and the sense of camaraderie at the end of a match is often touching to see, as two sets of men, or women, that have spent the previous 80 minutes kicking lumps out of each other shake hands and then head off to the bar to get drunk and sing rude songs.

Cheers Cardi!
Just what I was waiting for - someone to do the work for me! Looks good. I have got some other changes to make as well, so I'll stick this up and then tinker with it as and when.

You truly are a saviour!

Cheers,
Fx

So, how do we feel now? Can this possibly be ready for picking?

It's better than it was, but I reckon it still needs a little of incredibly basic "Explaining Rugby to Americans" stuff added to it. There's a bit of discussion about that in the PR thread. Also, a couple of the jokes, judging by reaction so far, might not make the cut.

Matt

"Can this possibly be ready for picking?"

Personally, I think this is still a very, very long way from picking, for the reasons I've already pointed out in the thread, and because of comments made by others regarding its suitability for use.

Just a couple of things I've noticed that need to be dealt with, and may have already been mentioned, but it won't hurt to mention them again if they have. There are many other points in the thread besides these.

Soccer should be football throughout the Entry. (You have put soccer as a footnote on the first mention of footbal)

The link in footnote 4 cannot be used as it is not an Edited Entry.

IMO there are too many footnotes and some of them would be better in the Entry, rather than as footnotes.

I don't know about that. In the USA and in Australasia, we call football soccer. I think it's important in this Entry not to confuse Rugby Football and Football, if you see what I mean.

And several of the footnotes could well go altogether, but we'll wait for Fraggle to come back before we talk about those...

Matt

As regards footnotes, they ere in the text but I was advised to use them as footnotes!

Soccer was used to avoid confusion between rugby football and other football.

I'm actually going to do an overhaul on this, so watch this space and get ready to generate a whole new set of gripes! Or Grapes...

Peace out!

The official name is "Association Football". "Soccer" is short for "Association".

I was not aware of that. Learn something new every day...

Hi there,

Came across this while browsing around. Leaving aside the issues of the level of humour and the amount of real 'outsiders' information, I spotted a minor correction needed, and one addition.

The rules of football (any kind, association or rugby) had not been defined at the time when Webb Ellis was playing (1823 is the year he supposedly picked the ball up, though some people dispute that the incident ever happened). Each school/town/etc played according to local rules, although these were slowly being agreed and codified. At Rugby School (and lots of others), handling the ball was still permitted, whereas it was banned at other schools (Eton and Harrow, for example). Webb Ellis simply took 'handling' to a new level!

In 1846, Rugby School published the first set of rules for 'football' which became 'Rugby Football'. Spirited discussions (read 'vicious arguments) took place over the next few years; in 1863 there was a meeting at which the majority of the schools (which led the move towards having rules) decided to ban handling the ball. Rugby School objected to this and withdrew - that's where the split into 'Association' and 'Rugby' originated.

I'm not suggesting you put in a whole long story about this, but the statement "essentially cheated at football" needs correcting.

There's a summary of this on the RFU site at: http://www.rfu.com/microsites/museum/index.cfm?fuseaction=faqs.history
Strangely enough, though, the FIFA website also has some good info! (And it's not too biased against rugby either. )


And the addition:
You have a footnote for 'fly-half' saying 'or outside half'. Also sometimes called a 'stand-off'.


for the long post.

I like this entry - but then I'm a rugby fan - which is difficult in Scotland at the moment!

I was married to a rugby player for 5 years and I learned more from this than I did from him, keep going this is a good piece

Cheers Casper, I was not aware of that (read in a Wayne's World voice...)

Being a Scottish rugby fan must really suck at the moment, but I'm Welsh, and we're not exactly setting the pitch alight at present!

Reefgirl: thanks again for your continued support! This piece is taking over my life at the moment, trying to get it sorted properly. Sleepless nights, the whole works. Guess if I spent less time on the pitch coaching the girls at school and more time slaving over a hot PC, I might actually get somewhere!

It will happen. It must happen. Soon as I've cleaned my boots...

Love, peace and odd-shaped balls,

Frag

How's this one coming fraggle?