h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...something heartfelt but I though better of it.

Would you like a jelly baby?

I'd love a jelly, Baby...

is that you?????

That's proper jelly. Would you like me to add a stiffening agent?

concrete mould?????

If your concrete's mouldy you can keep it away from me.

Unless, of course, the mould is that of a Stilton. If you popped it on a fresh loaf that would be splendid.

I'll gobble a decent Stilton bloomer any day of the week.

Never could resist gobbling a stilton bloomer

Your tongue action led me to think you were more of a Cheddar Gorge sort of guy.

Chedder, stilton, brie... I'm just a 'cheese guy' I guess, I love it all jelly babies to oral sex in... two posts? that has to be some kind of new record

Nobody's mentioned nipple clamps yet.

What? no one has mentioned nipple clamps? Not once? Not a single mention of nipple clamps in the entire thread so far?: I find it astonishign tha tnipple clamps have not as yet been mentioned...
And with mention of nipple clamps... and it being quite so cold here... I think I'll have to off to bed hmmm... nipple clamps... oral sex... mushrooms.... cheese....

cheesey french stick

Bondage baguettes.

It's the way forward.

what about crusty

Crusty is great in theory but, in practice, leads to a level of chafing which extends beyond what one would reasonably expect.

Stottie cakes on the other hand are proper filth.

nipple clamps????

Can I have a black one?

Black nipple clamps or black crusty cheese sticks?

Black jelly baby please

I've a black jelly ... something.... its not a jelly baby though