h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I am blessed(!) with 3-4 apple trees in my garden, most growing good old-fashioned British Bramley cooking apples, about the size of grapefruits.
I have pureed, frozen and baked apples until I am heartily sick of them. I have made blackberry and apple jelly, I have sliced them and dried them as Christmas decoartions. Neighbours have their own apple trees and friends won't accept any more.
I am look for new recipes for using up the equivalent of 3 wheelbarrows full of apples. It is a sin to waste them. I don't want the sort of recipe that requires 8lb of other ingredients for every 2lb of apples, but I am willing to expend some time, money and effort on this. Ways of bottling/preserving etc that are actually NICE would be especially appreciated.
Please help!

One word - Cider.

Not as easy as it sounds! Result can also be one word: vinegar. But I like the cut of your jib

Actually - the one time I was even remotely involved in making cider it wasn't a total success...the muslin we had to starin the applejuice turned out to be too stretchy for the job and the yeast/bottles etc were for wine - so we made a flat apple wine thing.
Tasted ghastly but brutally alcoholic

It'd be a funny sort of cider made from Bramleys. I suppose you've got enough applesauce (which is what they're really good for) to last to the next millennium. Baby food?
Can you sell them at the nearest WI stall? I wish I was your side of the world. I love them baked in the microwave for a quick breakfast, or as Athelbrose (whisky, eggwhite and apples with some oatmeal - sorry no recipe book with me out here)

DJ(S) has an interesting definition of successful "Tasted ghastly but brutally alcoholic" hmmm...

WG: if I could get the apples to you for your breakfast you'd be more than welcome to them... Getting pregnant seems a rather drastic solution to the apple mountain! Trying to sell off apple sauce may be a dispiriting measure: I live in a 'nice' village which mean that my bottled stuff will never meet the grade of my neighbours

I'm partial to apple butter/jam, which you can wrap with ribbon and give to all your coworkers round Christmas time. You could also try making and preserving pie filling.

Hot apple sauce/pickle stuff for cheese sandwiches.
Something along the lines of apple sauce for kiddies only with a fair load of chillies and a bit of ginger knocked in with it - there's a farm shop near Caistor (my home town when I'm not in Dublin) which sells a fairly brilliant hot apple sauce which is just great with some Lincolnshire poacher cheese.....
*drifts off into halcyon days type daydream*

Don't suppose they'd give you the recipe - that sounds yum

jqr: I've never found an apple jam recipe that sounds remotely palatable - any ideas?

They definitely won't give us the recipe, but you have enough apples (by the sound of things) to do some experimentation.

My opening guess would be:
Chop 4 apples into mush,
chop 2 large chillies and lash them in,
throw in 1 tea spoon on ground ginger and a spoon full of pepercorns,
add some pickling vinager and allow to marinate together for a couple of months...

There's probably a cooking stage too, but I don't really have any clue

Step aside Delia Smith!!!

I just finished Subediting an entry on German Apple Wine http://www.h2g2.com/A427196 (Apfelwein)

It sounds good...

Apfelwein sounds yummy - maybe I should buy a fruit press...

...surely there must be some researcher somewere with a recipe book that can help???

You may be interested to know that in the end we bought an ***applepress*** and pressed our first batch of apples at the weekend: hard work - certainly develops your upperbody tone - but it ceratinly uses up the apples and the results are...potent. Thinking of going into fermentation next

See - told you to make baby food! They'll need a very little sugar or honey unless Cloviskitten is like the Jones boys

The apples will be ripe at just the right point weaning-wise! Clever isn't it?

Did I mention the plum and damson trees, plus the blackcurrant, redcurrant, gooseberry and raspberry bushes?

We did try the fermentation by the way, but it smelt so bad in the earlky stages that I didn't dare go back andf see to it again - it's still in the shed

The apples will be ripe at just the right point weaning-wise! Clever isn't it?

Did I mention the plum and damson trees, plus the blackcurrant, redcurrant, gooseberry and raspberry bushes?

We did try the fermentation by the way, but it smelt so bad in the earlky stages that I didn't dare go back andf see to it again - it's still in the shed

Please get rid of it before the kitten can toddle in there unaccompanied (sooner than you think)

I'm afraid to pour it down the drain! How do ±I ditch it without poisoning the neighbourhood and losing my lunch in the process?

Pour it round the roots of the aforementioned apple trees. It may kill the odd bug, but not the trees.