h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ok, so, I have lots of tins with food in them and I'm hungry. Trouble is my tin opener is rusted solid. The first wheel turns, but just slips and doesn't turn the second wheel (which has the blade on).

What do I do?

Can I fix it? Is there some cunning method to open tins without one? I've tried attacking them with screwdrivers but that just dented them.

If you put it in the microwave for half an hour, the tin might explode, releasing its contents*










*This is not recommended

You could try putting some cooking oil on the tin opener and see if that helps. Failing that you could use the can opener tool on a swiss army knife or a hacksaw

or just look at the tins and think about what you could be eating if your tin opener worked!

Buy a new tin opener you stingy git.

Yeah- buy one of these 'Magic can' ones that cut the top of the can off.

They are geared so well that you can virtually open the tin with your pinky

Downside is they cost about £15, but considering it will last you for ever (if you stick it in your washing up bowl after each use-don't be manky and leave food to cake and rust on it), it's pretty good value.

A saw?

get a Polymorphing rhinoceros to trample on it.

Nah, you'd never get one of those at this time on a Sunday

shame.

how about using a hot skewer to continually score around the top of the can untill the top comes off.?

You could just not bother and get take away.

Isn't there a homebase/B&Q type of place anywhere near you?They are usually open on a Sunday..Though now they may be closed...Sorry but I've only just come online.

I am carless which sadly limits my Sunday shopping options.

But not to worry, I got some pizzas to tide me over till tomorrow.

Just as inpenetrable is the corned beef tin without the key. A long-nosed pliers can be used to grasp the start of the scored metal strip and by twisting you are able to turn the food container into a lethal, artery severing, coiled spring

Think you've got problems? Try reading Three Men in a Boat (the bit about the tinned pineapples).

TRiG.

Do you own any WD-40? Frees up most rusted stuff...

I concur with "buy a new one" they cost about 50p.

Oh and WASH it up when you've used it, then DRY it - then no matter how long you leave it, it shouldn't rust.



How often do you cook at home, BBIM?

Are you male, and single?

Just wondering

I am male, single, living in catered university accomodation, and only cook at all because they sometimes don't feed me enough.

Then student days HAVEN'T changed in 30 years...I guess it's half term so you can't borrow a tin opener from another inmate


To keep you going

I have two suggestions. Both are rubbish.

1. Hit it the can with a stick. This will probably not help at all, and even if it does open the can it will do so in a completely uncontrolled manner that will doubtless lose you most of the contents. It might make you feel a little better, though, and may allow you to vent some of your can opener-related frustration.

2. A suggestion borrowed from Whisky*, namely attack it with a blowtorch. This will achieve precisely nothing except burning away the label so you won't know what's in the tin.

* This comes from another thread, where someone was asking how to clean gravel and Whisky suggested burning away all the extraneous matter with a blowtorch, which struck me as logically sound but somehow just inherently wrong in some way.

I do remember when I was a kid, stealing cans of baked beans from my mother's larder and prior to cooking them on a fire started on some waste ground, using a pen-knife to continually stab around the rim of the can before finally fishing out the mangled remains of the lid. If at home in a cleaner environment, perhaps the introduction of a magnet to fish out small pieces of tin may add that extra reassurance of health and safety.