h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have had two what can only be classed as 'comedy; accidents, where no serious injury took place. Both absolutely true.

The first, as a pedestrian aged about six waiting at a zebra crossing for the lollipop lady to stop the traffic. As soon as she looked like she had, my nan grasped my hand and pulled me out on to the road, like the proverbial chicken, to cross to the other side. A mini then came hurtling toward us (I can remember it was a mini, I have no recollection of the driver) having not seen the lolipop lady in time to stop and swerved to avoid us all, but as it rushed past, doing a pretty poor impression of a reject from the Italian Job, it narrowly missed the lollipop lady but knocked her 'lollipop' (actually a hefty six foot long metal pole with a metal circle on it with the word 'STOP' painted on it) out of her hand. It flew up in the air, spinning round and round, and ultimately hit me on the head knocking me sparko. I think there was even a comdey 'boink' noise as it hit.

The second incident was when I was driving. I was stopped at some lights when all of a sudden my car lurched, the car behind, also strangely when I think about it now, a mini, had smacked in to the back of me. I got out and immediately saw that it wasn't the mini drivers fault, a big lorry had smacked in to the back of it shunting it forward into me. The mini was being driven by a woman and she had her kids in the back, who were distressed and crying, but luckily unhurt. This fellah jumped out of the lorry and immediately started apologising saying it was all his fault and how he was sorry but he hadn't noticed we'd stopped. I went loopy and started having a go at him. Then all of a sudden loads of police cars and ambulances turned up. The lorry was from a butchers and the guy driving it was wearing a white coat with blood and offal on it. So although this was all a minor incident with no-one being hurt, loads of people driving past had seen him splattered in blood and had called 999 reporting a major smash up.

I once also very nearly knocked over a Nun when she was crossing the road and I hadn't seen her. But that doesn't count as I missed.

Well, there was the one on October 13th 1982 or 3 in which I was a passenger. 3/4 head on smash between a ford cortina and an Austin Ambassador (talk about a battle of giants!) which lost me front teeth, smashed me upper jawbone up and led me to my claim to fame of having touched my own jawbone (and thus my own skull in part).
But I wasn't driving, so I guess that doesn;t count. On the other hand I did get a load of compensation which basically paid for my (later) teenage social life. So not too bad. But I still have problems with my teeth cos of it.

Had a few bumps and scrapes in the car, but my only real proper accidents have been on motorbikes. Got t-boned by a ford escort when on my 100cc learner. Threw me up in the air and landed on my arse on the other side of the road. Hurt like hell but luckily no other vehicles approaching. Couldn't afford to take the bloke to court and insurance basically weren;t interested. B*st*rds.

Then on the 550cc on the back lanes came round a corner and over a hill at about 65 or so to find a tractor and grain trailer (ruddy great iron thing) crossing the road at about 1/2 mph. With no look out and no warnings. I clipped the back end of the (iron!) trailer which chipped a bone in my little finger and split the fingers open to the bone. Also bent the handlebars back by about an inch or two.

Tractor driver carried on "I looked round and couldn't see you so thought you must be ok!". T*ss*r. Could have been in the ditch for all he knew. He was also worried I might have damaged his tracotr/trailer. Ha!

Oh, his other comment was "Good job you weren't doing your usual speed" at which point I abandoned the 'never ridden down this road before' defence

Never had a car accident, but I've had 2 bike ones, both on my first bike.

The first was when a woman in front of me decided she really wanted to stop NOW, which meant I grabbed a big handfull of too much front brake and went over the top. That earned me a broken collar bone and a couple of minutes out cold as I managed to hit the kerb head first.

The second one is a bit cleverer (not), as I was riding along a road which has a small kink in it, without paying attention, missed the kink, then slammed on my brakes as I saw a parked car coming up, locked both wheels, and hit the car hard enough that I bounced off the clocks, did a somersault and landed on my face next to the bike. It would have been so much better if I didn't work with the woman who's car I'd just written off. Mind you, it also meant that I got to practice my "John Wayne" walk for a couple of weeks.

"decided she really wanted to stop NOW"

I was long of the opinion that I would go to my grave with the letters 'ABS' stamped in reverse on my forehead

Ouch I S.H.A.D.O.W

Just 'Ictoan' is fine

My first ever accident was on the 100cc too. About 30 mins after being legal to go on the road. I rode it through a hedge approaching a T junc. too fast. Sprained my calf and spent the afternoon trying to act as if nothing was wrong cos I didn't want my folks to know I had crashed the bike already .

I've had four very minor accidents.

1. As a student in Oxford after a bump supper (rowing regatta thingy). Got very pissed and challenged my housemate to a race down Blue Boar St. He won because as we ran into Oriel Square I ran straight under a car. He won because he was better at rugby than me and possessed a finer sidestep. I may have been more too. The driver, looking distraught got out of the car but I leapt up, apologised, "sorry, my fault" and carried on racing.
I had to go to hospital next day as I'd taken all the skin off my knee (woke up with it stuck to the sheet of my bed) and sprained my wrist. Alcohol is a good pain killer

2. As student in Southampton I was cycling to a mate's house down Portswood Rd. As I cycled past a parked transit van it pulled out suddenly forcing me into the lane going the other way. Not being too pleased at this, I may have offered a few profanities in their direction . It seems they took offence as they followed me and drove me off the road. Twenty odd witnesses and noone got their numberplate. I'd have prosecuted their arses off otherwise.
My bike was totalled, I had minor scrape injuries on my hand.

3. Bottom of Vincent Drive in Birmingham by the University. A completely stupid junction where you had to look behind you to pull across a lane to get into Quinton Road. I spotted a gap, went for it and then discovered that the car in front of me in the queue hadn't gone yet and had poorer dragster capablility than my car. He had no damage other than the shards of glass from my front left headlight.
Cost me £120 for a new light. Junction has since been roundabouted and is far safer. I'm not the only one to have come to grief there.

4. Behind the Cinema on Broadstreet Birmingham. Pulled out of a crossroads without looking right because I wasn't aware it was a crossroads One of those days really. I nearly missed but just toughed the sills of the other car. The other guy tried to get a fiver out of me for some T-cut (he had a *very* minor scrape). I had no cash so that ended that one.

All very minor and I'm quite happy with that.

it was Xmas eve 1973, i was crossing the street and was hit by a 16 year old girl whose daddy had just bought her a new camaro. she picked it up from the dealership, drove 100 feet, turned left, continued a block and a half and mowed me down in a crosswalk, sending me flying about 20 feet. broken leg and collarbone, and a serious concussion.

she didn't drive off, but didn't get out of her car either. her dad and mom came to see me in the hospital, but she was too busy.

i ran into her at the bowling alley years later; she didn't even remember. not drinking or drugs, just simply couldn't care.

"i ran into her at the bowling alley years later"
Literally, I hope

bet you were bowled over Riotact ?

I know I shouldn't laugh at pffft's 'lollipop' accident, but really...



B

lucky for me that it was the 'blunt' end of the 'lollipop' really. Just got a nasty bump, a brief case of unconsciousness followed by double vision and a big bag of sweets from my guilt ridden Nan. If it had been the 'lollipop' end of the 'lollipop' it would of been like slicing the top off a boiled egg. I reckon I would of made the papers.

What is a guilt ridden Nan is that where the Nan bread says sorry to the curry for dipping itself into it LOL

I have to say I find many of these stories rather disturbing, especially the attitudes of some of other road users. At least we are all here to tell the tale.

I was stood by our car at a motorway service station car park at night, on a work trip. I felt something hit my leg, and it kept going and going until I was on the floor. After it had gone I realised it was a small trailer towed by the car parked next to us; the sticky-out wheel had run straight over me. Nothing broken but there were loads of forms to fill in 'cos it was a work trip

yes other road used are the idiots that cause 80 percent of the accidents.

I rear ended someone, bloody hard, because I was having my first manic episode, and had no idea was I was doing. That was in 1993, and mania that bad is a thing of the past, but it still scares me to drive now.

My first was when I was a toddler. Parents forget to stick the handbrake on or somehting and I ended up going through the closed gaarage door.

My other crashes have all been on my own. First was on a back road new Heswall notorious (little did I know, it was just a fun back road to me) I spun the car round comming out of the bend ened up facing the way I had come from on the wrong side of the road the whole one side of the suspension bent and on the wrong side of the road. I'm just so glad no other cars were around to hit.

I've managed to revers into a bin (it was small) luckily no damage.
I've spun of on Oulton park bending the cars suspension and also spun on the Nurbugring in Germany last weekend seem the only thing I've damage is my underwear (insurance is a bit of a grey area on the nurburg which I was worried about) and leaving lasting tyre marks and smoke on the track.

Never been actually in an accident, but when I was about 4 or 5 I was covinced that I'd been in a car crash in which I'd lost my eye and had a glass one fitted... I think it may actually have been a dream or something but all I can remember is a conversation with my uncle which started "Do you remember when I was in that car crash and my eye fell out?"