h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The item in question is 'My wife cheated, I have to divorce her, and you're the first person I thought to call.'

This from someone I had not seen in years. Went out with once 25 years ago and through much of their own doing that was a disaster.

I would say: go and talk properly to your wife.

Thank you.

What I was getting from RL friends that mostly knew him back then was 'Oh, just talk to him, he's depressed.'.

Kind of makes me want to scream.

Sounds as if he doesn't have many friends, or else he'd probably not have called you.

I've no idea about his friends as he and I were never close. He certainly wasn't around for all the stuff in my life that didn't go as planned.

Don't let him use you as somebody to dump all his problems on.

That is what is bothering me. And, the two people I've talked to that knew him then and have only seen him a few times since keep the line of 'but if it were you..' or 'you should call him', when what I'm thinking is If it were me, I would call someone a lot closer to me and I'm not calling him because it would only encourage as it shows consent.

If the people you talked to are that concerned, why don't they call him themselves?

If he really is depressed and not just fed up then suggest he sees a doctor before it gets a lot worse.
You could say to him you was wondering why he called you. Perhaps he really does just need someone to talk to for a while and will then be okay. if you think it is heading towards something else then say that isn't what you want so it doesn't drag on.

One of the people I talked to did call him. She was told that he wants to 'fix' things with me.

When he unexpectedly showed up where I work, he said he wants to talk to me privately and that he had called and called. This would be after asking someone I work with if I have a current boyfriend. He probably called either my parents old number or my non working landline. Thankfully I didn't get a call because he said he was calling at 8 p.m and should have been home. I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying non of your business if I'm home or not. My alarm clock is set for 4 a.m.

The missing piece here it that there is nothing to fix, because there was nothing to begin with.

He also mentioned that in divorcing his wife, he has the support of his whole senior class. What that means is he has phoned and explained and asked the opinion of as many of the 200 or so people he finished school with in.......1984 as he could find.

He is not divorced, yet.

About this... >>>if you think it is heading towards something else then say that isn't what you want so it doesn't drag on.<<<

How do you say 'I wasn't interested then, I'm not interested now, because in the intervening 25 years some of us moved on and whether or not I'm involved with someone is not going to make a bit of difference?

I would have said 'and what do you expect me to do about it?'

From what you are telling, you are doing the right thing. Don't call him, and if he gets in touch again with you, be very clear that you are not interested in anything to do with him.

>>How do you say 'I wasn't interested then, I'm not interested now, because in the intervening 25 years some of us moved on and whether or not I'm involved with someone is not going to make a bit of difference?'<<

Exactly like that!

And, what do you expect me to do about it is a lot more diplomatic that what first went through my mind. Which is why my jaw was firmly clenched.

I don't think I left anything out. The one time we did go out he spent three hours of a school dance talking to someone else and making jokes about how much taller he is, than me. This was 1983. Since then I saw him a few times in 1984-85, 1994 at his sister's wedding (his sister and I were friends), and once about five years ago where I work.

Of course, 'what do you expect me to do about it' is finished off with the swear word or combination of swear words of your choice.

<>

Exactly like that!

He's hurt, he's looking for someone to make him feel better and you seem to fit the bill. To be brutally honest, he's not your friend, you haven't seen him for years and he has added nothing positive to your life. You don't need him, you don't want him and you certainly don't need the emotional blackmail crap that he is pulling, based on a long-ago relationship.

You have to be blunt, otherwise he will try and sneak in through your general niceness and desire not to hurt him any more.

I would cut all ties now and if he gets in contact, state bluntly that you are not in anyway interested in him or his marital affairs.

Harsh, but the only way to stop him bothering you (especially at work!)

There's nothing rude about telling people you dont want what they want.

Ha, Mala and I have the same idea, only she is faster at typing than I am!

I think my problem is that I'm not angry about what happened then, it's the bit about his life is screwed up so he has to drag me into it is really annoying me. He's not been a part of my life for two and a half decades and the part where he was a part of it was about three weeks.

So, when I try to say I wasn't interested then and I'm not now etc. What comes out is more like 'who the do you think you are that after all this time you can just show up, dump all this and expect me to fix things? etc... more expletives etc.

And, you're all faster typists than me, apparently.