h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Let rip! give me hope for humanity, and at the same time celebrate the glory that is you.

p.s. you should like me because I'm trying my hardest to improve my Christopher Walken impression...some people like it but I know deep inside that I can do better.

Can't offer any hope for humanity I'm afraid... but you should (nay, you must) like me 'cos I'm brilliant!

You should like me because I am highly inteligent, incredibably whitty and funny, an exceptional conversationalist on almost every conceivible topic you might care not to mention, a fantastically sociable person , able to keep my cool when all about me are loosing theirs, because I am so hip I can hardly see over my pelvis, because I have an almost photographic memory, because I am a good cook, because I have trained myself as a right handed person to do several things with my left hand that I at one time could not do with that hand but can now do equally as good if not better with my left hand (E.G., I can now better do up buttons one handly with my left hand in comparason to my right hand), Because I am incredibably handsome and beautiful on both the outside and inside, because I'm indestructible and have survived major surgery and being hit by an articulated lorry, because I can produce big long lists of somehwat spurious personal attributes, because as nighthoover highpriest knowing me will ensure a safer passage into hooverland, the nighthooverly afterworld, Because I am diligent and painstaking in my efforts, Because I can muster an ethemeral concentration on just about anything, Because I can drink more alcohol than just about anyone I know and got a first class honers as a result of writing most of my essays after consumming that much alcohol, Because I went to the pub before one of my finals at university and still got 80% or more in the exam, Because I once got hit by a car on the way home from the pub and thought it was so funny I lay on the road in hysterical laughter before walking home, Because I am enigmatic, sinceer, faithful, hopeful, optamistic yet realistic and pesimistic, because I am always able to think outside the box, and inside the box, and underneath the box, and able to see and understand both sides of any arguement, Becuase I can think laterally, and can use the names of animals in exciting and exotic new ways and invent entirely new and thrily words at the drop of an octupus, but, but most of all, because I am incredibably modest.

What's not to like..?

"legs, I couldn't have said it better

Better than me then. I couldn't have said it at all.

Like me because I'll cry like a girl if you don't?

I'll pay you to like me!