h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm male. I'm English. I'm young. But I'm not watching the England V. Germany match, playing at this very moment!
Is that so wrong?

No it isn't. I can't deal with the whole football thing, and I bless the powers that saw fit to have me on a canal boat out of football's way for the last week.

Latest score England 1 Germany 0
I'm on here and watching at the same time

Is it? Oh, good.
Hey, I might not care for football in the slightest, but it'd be nice if we won. For once.

And it stayed that way

One nil!! Yay!

Yup, looks like we won!
I reckon we only did because Mrs. Fate wanted to prove me wrong. Only because I thought we'd lose... again.
Hey, maybe we'll lose REALLY SPECTACULARLY next time!

Has it finished then?

Ahem, by the way, we did win once - in 1966 remember. That's the first and last football match I ever watched

I didn't watch the match (no TV) and I only listend to about 10 mins (the end of each half) and a short bit to find out why a cheer went up

Ah, well I wasn't around in 1966, so that makes a total of nil football matches watched. I think I'll keep it that way... y'know if nobody cared if we won or lost, perhaps that would put an end to all this hooliganism.

Football....what football....????
did I miss something???????

hmmmmm.......

Why all the snobbery about the football? I took a blissful walk through north London earlier this evening and could've heard a pin drop it was so quiet. I think England should play Germany every weekend - if anybody's come up with a better strategy for keeping the hoi polloi off the streets on a Saturday evening (short of Jack Straw's Nazi-style curfews) I've yet to hear of it. Okay, so they're doing it over in Belgium instead, but what the hell - you can't have everything...

Anyway (sniff) it was an historic victory...

What is this football you speak of is it slang for the heel or something?

Very witty. But I suspect 'football' translates into most languages around the world and comes out sounding pretty much the same ('futbol', 'fussball', etc) so I'm afraid I'm not really totally convinced by this joke...

Yes I realise it was a very poor joke but I was tired, although I didn't watch the match I listened to it on 5live something that until yesterday I couldn't understand the point in.

I really can't believe some people's attitudes to football. I mean, it IS JUST A GAME. I'm all for people supporting their country, but hooliganism I can't abide. Especially all this England v. Germany rubbish.

Did anyone see the 'Macintyre' (spelt properly)'- undercover' episode where he went, well, undercover and infiltrated ORGANISED hooligans? Sickening.

Remember it's only a small minority of football supporters who get involved in this sort of nonsense to begin with - most are decent law-abiding people who would firmly agree that it's 'just a game'...

Apparently the match on Monday evening between England and Portugal went off without serious incident, due in some measure to liberal quantities of marijuana being consumed by supporters before the game. So maybe that's the solution - ban the beer and let them eat (hash) cake instead...

Yeah, it's always the minority who spoil it for everyone.
Possibly they should install giant joss-sticks in the stadium and play Jimi Hendrix, too!

They could follow that with Bob Dylan's Rainy Day Women, just to push the hint home a little further - 'everybody must get stoned', etc... Random drug tests could be introduced for supporters - anybody found *not* under the influence of something mellowing could be forced to spend a couple of hours in one of Amsterdam's famous cafes instead of attending the game... And then there are the players, of course - they have to set a good example...

Football might even start to get interesting...