h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The curtains go up. The stage is empty.

The audience sit politely in science for several minutes.

A brief, alcoholic commotion erupts backstage, and without warning or fanfare, Mu Beta is propelled on Stage Right by something that looks like a broom. He is dressed in a dinner jacket which seems to consist of mainly dinner, and is clutching a shot-glass full of suspiciously ginger liquid and ice. The follow-spot is caught unawares, as it was expecting him to enter Stage Left and whirls for a momentary epilepsy-inducing moment.

Focussing on the microphone stand as if it was a beer pump, Mu Beta wends his way in a commendably straight line to centre stage. There is a prolonged moment of bemusement as he works out which of the three tables he should put his drink upon. The audience, who can only see one table, start to shuffle restlessly. Finally, Mu Beta settles for the centre table, and there is a mass exhale of relief as his glass hits the tabletop. He attempts to straighten his tie before realising that it is untied and draped around his neck. A dignified clearance of his throat is subsumed by 150 seconds of grotesque hacking. Finally, it is clear that our host has something to say:

--

"Good evening, fellow Citizens of Hootoo, and welcome to the forum home of Deathlist 2008. My cohort, Emmily, has pushed the competition into an early start this year, to avoid repetitions of the 'early death' syndrome that tainted the 2007 competition.

The rules have undergone a slight modification this year, so please read carefully:

1) Choose 15 celebrities who you believe may die in the calendar year 2008. Number 15 on your list must be aged under 50.
2) Email that list to deathlist2008(at)googlemail.com before January 1st 2008.
3) If you discover that you have erroneously included someone already dead, or one of your nominees dies in 2007, you may have a free substitute.
4) You will be awarded 10 points per correct prediction. If your prediction is unique, then you receive 15 points.
5) You will be awarded 5 bonus points by a death caused 'not by natural causes', in other words a suicide, murder or accident.
6) You will be awarded 5 bonus points for a celebrity who dies on the 13th of the month. 10 bonus points if it's Friday the 13th.
7) Assuming you have followed Rule 1 correctly, then you will be awarded double points for the correctly-predicted death of Number 15 on your list (all bonus points are also doubled). Only Number 15 is eligible for this bonus, no matter how many under-50s are on your list.
8) The definition of 'celebrity' is someone well-known enough to have their death reported on the websites of BBC News or any of the British Broadsheets. No report; no points.
9) Any complaints about the poor taste of this game should be addressed to Mu Beta, U190397, and then self-inserted, rectally.
10) The Deathlist homepage would appear to be taking shape at A29803034. Very sincere thanks to Emmily - this game might well have died a death (boom! boom!) without her."

--

Mu Beta rises and acknowledges the rapturous applause before realising there wasn't any. Demoralised, he shuffles off. There is a split-second pause before he returns and sheepishly retrieves his drink from the table next to the microphone stand. In an attempt to alleviate this awkwardness, he attempts a comedy tap dance in leaving, trips over his left ankle and goes sprawling into the open lid of the grand piano. Deciding that cowardice might be the better part of valour, he chooses to remain there unmoving until the audience have left, regardless of how long this might take.

B

RF

*picks up Roymondo's *

*throws it at piano*

Great now I'll have something to do in the early hours of the morning when I can't sleep, B

Can I just clarify that A29803034 is for players to check that I have received their email and included their nominations, I won't be posting individual replies anymore, as it would create too many unnecessary posts.

The lists are being compiled offsite. The plan is to create a Home Page and Scoreboard page a few mins into 1st Jan 2008 and copy and paste to the created Entries.

That's assuming I don't have too many or or get invited to a party I can't resist.

Emmily

PS - Rule #9 is a great addition

Emmily

Does rule 5 still count if you murder them yourself?

Re Rule 8: Can I point out that the Times and The Guardian are no longer broadsheets, or does Rule 9 apply in this case?

Hmmm, gotta get thinking.

The Guardian is a sort of semi-slapper. Not a full-on broad but bigger than a tabloid.

Es ist ein Berliner

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berliner_(format)

*Twiddles her thumbs while waiting for some lists*

Emmily

Yeah the Braodsheet definition is a bit blurred. I read none of my papers on a wide scree. They all appear in the same size.

Oh, for pity's sake:

Times, Telegraph, Guardian, Independent, FT. Happy?

B

What if they are a well known American celebrity but not so likely to be reported over here?

Tough. British website; British game; British organisers.

B

Ever considered a career in the diplomatic corps?

You of all people suggesting that is... well.....


Words have failed me.

I "walk softly with a big stick" as best as I can in tackety boots.