h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"Them as kna, divvnt need be telt and them as divvnt kna cannet be telt"

Am I alone in wanting Jordi LaForge to talk like that to Picard?

I think the Klingons should definitely talk with either a Geordie or a Scouse accent...and that Quark fellow is definitely a closet Mancunian - sorted

I only realised the other day that "Go figure!" is a horrific bastardisation/shortening of "Go and figure that out!".

Now, there's something I've been wanting to moan about for years, and I'm afraid here's the place to do it. It's a certain Americanism that makes no sense whatsoever, and really grates on me when I hear it in films. Ready?

"I could care less".

Why do Americans say that? It should be "I COULDN'T care less", implying that you care so little about the subject in question that you can't possibly care any less as you are at the bottom of the pit of "care", as it were. Saying "could" means that you do actually care.

Here's a Britishism that annoys me as well:

"He went down like a lead balloon!".

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but lead balloons actualy go down very well indeed.

Hadn't really thought about the lead ballon thing. I'd just considered it to be in the "chocolate teapot" category - not terribly appropriate; i.e. it would not "go down well" = be welcome.
On the other hand, it would not go down well = deflate, on account of not being particularly flexible. (Although that is a fanciful piece of reverse engineering occasioned by your observation.)

I'd always understood 'go down like a lead balloon' to be in water, as in 'sunk without trace'.

With regard to 'go figure' I've noticed that the word 'and' gets missed out quite a lot in everyday American speech: 'Go get the coffee', 'Come visit us', etc.

"Built like a brick outhouse" - well, they're small buildings altogether...built like a brick cathedral would make more sense.

Going back a few steps, perhaps when you guys were talking about football, what you really meant was soccer!

When football players throw the ball, they too can give it English!

Most of us think it's a bit rich calling a sport 'football' when only one of the team uses his foot to propel the ball. And he's only on the pitch for about 2 mins out of the 60.

*foams at mouth* It's NOT called soccer!

*calms down again* Sorry, I know you're only winding me up, but its official name is Association Football.

Of all the various sports that have 'football' in their name Association Football is the one which most deserves the name. All the others seem to use hands much more than feet.

Ok, sorry for teasing! I know this topic can arouse strong feelings.

But have you noticed how the English somewhat grandly title things:

* Football, not English football

* The Times, not The London Times

* The Army, not the British Army

... and so on. Is it because so many things began here, or because nowhere else matters?

As a goalkeeper,( see http://www.h2g2.com/A380468) I must point out that not all players are restricted to using their feet...

I believe that the word "soccer" is derived from the word Association in Association Football, and "Rugby" is from Rugby Football thus American football should be called,simply "American"? Also "soccer" as a word should only be used if you can effect the colonial/RAF type accent...rather, what? used to play 'soccer in shangers, dear boy etc.

Brick Outhouse. Being very carfeul here aren't we? Anyway, I had assumed that being built like one you were, strong and squat. Not necesarily tall, but muscly in that square type of way, which sort of fits with a low, squat out house. Maybe?

I'm with you on this one, Munchkin. We also use "Built like a Victorian Latrine" which is a posh way of saying the same thing.

Strongly built, squat, and probably ugly!

The Football Association is indeed so called because it was the only one in existence at the time. Don't know about the others though. I can't believe that we were the first country to have an army. It's the only one of the services that isn't prefixed with the word 'Royal' though.

We probably call it 'the Army' out of laziness - if we don't specify which country, we mean this one. Do Americans always refer to their army as the US Army then?

It's probably because the army was made up from individual regiments who might not have been paid by the crown initially. There are a few royal regiments though. Another thought is that it could well be that when Cromwell raised his new model army the thought of calling it royal was not really a good idea.

I think you're probably right , Phil. The regiments that have "Royal" and the like in the title have usually earned it by some special action, or are new. Some regiments even take pride in the fact that they are NOT allowed to use "Royal" etc - I know of one regiment that isn't even allowed to use a crown in it's regimental badges after something they did in the past that really p*****d off the monarch of the time. I guess that there are other traditions like this as a result of the English Civil War!

Which regiment is that then? (the no crown one)

The US Army is, well, the US Army. Yeah, sometimes we just say or write army, but everyone knows it as the US Army. I'll tell you a lil' secret: many Americans have a sneaking admiration for the British forces, 'cos you know how to kick ass and still keep that cool English accent!

We do, of course, have our own pretentions. Our home-grown sports, for instance, delight in assuming 'World' titles, e.g. World Series.

When I say 'we', I mean that in the loosest sense of the pronoun!

So the American English translation of "Never mind the bollocks, here's the Sex Pistols" would be, "Never mind the testicles, here's the Sex Pistols," actually, now that i think about it its kind of a double entendre because it could mean, "Never mind the testicles, here's the penis," or it could mean, "Never mind the imbeciles, here's the Sex Pistols." Ah British wit, I will never grow tired of it

...and I thought it was just me being anal. These things bother me too. Finally a forum to discuss the important issues in life.

*sighs the satisfied sigh of a pernickety linguist*

NB I'd be a bit careful about "He went down like a lead balloon." That might be describing an entirely different kettle of fish...

One pointless saying of my Mother's is: 'Cheap at half the price' when told the price of something that she thinks is really good value for money.

Yes, Mum. It would be. But why did you feel the need to say something like that?