h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yeah, but is there a sprinkler attachment?

I think modified versions are likely to be banned from peeing contests by the Olympic Committee.

It would certainly cause some confusion amongst the willywatchers in St Vincent Street toilets.

Maybe they should provide a variety of models. Let's see we could have the luxury gold-plated version for those who like to flaunt their wealth, plus a natural style that ensures ejection from overcrowded women's loos when you try and use the sink.

I think we're onto something here. Why don't we design the multipurpose dildopeemate? Then we could incorporate a vibrator mechanism and hey presto, a sprinkler attachment that makes women happy and men jealous.

....and for the ultra deluxe models we could incorporate a mobile phone on the back that charged up from uro-electric turbines. Then you womenfolks could text someone whilst pointing Percy at the porcelain. I don't think having a camera underneath would work unless you enjoy taking pictures of your feet, or startled passers by shocked at this madwoman waving a male organ at them and shouting, "Say cheese".

Just tell me if I'm losing the plot, OK? Sometimes I go a bit overboard with my ideas, that's why I've never made the finals of young inventor of the year....well that and the fact I'm an old fart.

What's that you say?

My allotment's missing? My allotment's missing along with the surrounding six acres of prime agricultural land?

That's hilarious! Gonna take a while to get that image out of my mind ..

toilet seats....I always thought of it this way...

There are two of us in the house, one male one female, I always have the seat down so the seat has to be down for 100% of my time. Hubby stands to pee and sits to poo so he has the seat down about 50% of his time. That means the seat is down for 75% of the time, the other 25% is in the minority and gets overuled...

especially last thing at night, there is nothing worse than tip toing to the toilet in the dark so as not to wake someone only to find yourself falling into toilet water...at that point I usually put all the lights on and start shouitng and swearing loudly...it doesn't happen anymore hubby values his sleep more than the extra 3 seconds it takes him to put the loo seat down.

The whole wiping up the drips thing (or rather failing to) baffles me, if I peed on the seat I would be *so* embarrassed, I would never just put the lid down and let it dry out...although those new antiseptic toilet wipe things are everything that is wrong with society (use it throw it away buy some more and throw them away, waste waste waste<rant rant rant&gt they're almost as bad as those damn swiffer things...use a bloody duster and stick it in the washing machine

I agree on the waste there Pencil Queen!

In my house the seat is always down - along with the lid. That way everyone has to lift and replace, so it's more equal. Also the toilet is a very ugly thing, and I prefer to walk in and see a nice white lid, rather than a bowl of water that's possibly not always as clean as it could be (not mine though, I had a new loo bowl fitted on Friday. ). It's also more hygenic, as when the flush goes, water sprays everywhere. Microscopic droplets all over your face and toothbrush if it's in the same room. Eurgh, no thanks. Put the lid down before you flush, and that can be avoided.

"There are two of us in the house, one male one female, I always have the seat down so the seat has to be down for 100% of my time. Hubby stands to pee and sits to poo so he has the seat down about 50% of his time. That means the seat is down for 75% of the time, the other 25% is in the minority and gets overuled"

I contest your figures there. I don't know of any human being who pees only as much as he/she poos.


"there is nothing worse than tip toing to the toilet in the dark so as not to wake someone only to find yourself falling into toilet water"

Ever thought of *checking* before plunging your bum into the unknown?

A man with regular bowel movements sits once a day, and stands anwhere from 4 - 10 times a day, depending. So it's a case of your 100% overruling his 10 - 25%.

Personally, I've always found toilet seat nazis to be downright inconsiderate.

If I'm living with a guy, I will concede his right to leave the toilet seat up - it falls under the category of "pick your battles, and this ain't one of them". And, like Mina, I believe in leaving the toilet lid down when it's not in use -- not only does it make the seat issue moot, but it keeps the cats from falling in...

HOWEVER -- it definitely irks me when a guest to my house leaves the toilet seat up. If I'm a guest in a guy's house and the toilet seat is up when I walk in, I make sure to put it back up when I'm done -- it's a matter of leaving things as you found them. As much as this irks me though, it still doesn't come anywhere close to making the list of "the 100 things in life that piss me off the most", so I generally don't see it as worth making a fuss over.


Mikey

" but it keeps the cats from falling in..."

but wet cats are funny!

The lid is hanging on the wall and noone is supposed to leave it on.

"Ever thought of *checking* before plunging your bum into the unknown?"

Actually at stupid o clock in the middle of the night when I'm half asleep and trying to find my way round in the dark (ie being considerate) checking doesn't come into it...a midnight pee is a midnight pee I'm *never* awake enough to remember to check as well as remember not to turn on any lights and not to make any noise. And to be honest the thought of determining the toilet seat position by feel doesn't appeal...I can tell where the toilet is in the dark without sticking my hands in it.

And yes the figures are slightly out, hubby pees 2 times a day and poos once so it's 66.66%, which would be 83.33% overall *if* I only went 3 times a day. 83% is still a substantial majority, maybe if I lived with 2 men I would reconsider.

Both lids spend the majority of their life down *anyway* because hubby gets dressed sat on the toilet...now if he would just pee while sat on the toilet we would only have to lift the rim to clean the thing.

We can't leave the lid down in our house- the dog is smart enough to piss in the toilet- but he's not smart enough to lift the lid first

We have a cat who likes to drink out of the toilet

Actually, he'll drink out of almost anything - the fish tank, a puddle, the swimming pool

Will he drink out of the small of a crack whores back? That would be so .