h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How do cats decide where to lick first? What is it cats always seem to be looking for? Why do cats suddenly charge into another room at incredible speeds for no discernible reason? Yes, I know this more than one question, but it gives you more choice in what to answer!

All of your questions are easily answered in one sentence...

Cats do all of the above with the express intent to confuse their humans.

Let's see. In my experience, cat's lick the place that the hair (fur?) is most out of order. It might not look like it to us, but they can FEEL it.
When they are staring into what looks like space to us, they are looking at faeries dancing on the wall, or table, or whatever. No, I think it is light patterns. I've been known to be wrong, though.
As to the running, I think 'Mouse is right. It's just to confuse their humans.....Well, either that, or they are being chased by tiny invisibe demons from the Seventh Ring of Hell.....

people say that they are just waiting for a tin opener that paws can operate.............

Naw... That's been done.

Cats have a much larger blind spot, the part the eye where the optic nerve is attached, than ours due to the sensitive nature of their eyes for use in the dark. As a result, they have a hard time looking directly at what they are looking at.

The other stuff would be better answered by a cat.

I know that my cat is easily startled: you make a noise behind her and she dashes into the next room (question 3), where she stops and starts to calmly lick herself as though nothing had happened at all, she just decided to scramble madly across the rug, that's all. The looking around is what they do a)either after a scenario of the sort described above occurs or b)every other moment of their lives, in both cases because they are looking for something to sink their claws into.
silver solstice

Another question I'd love answered.
How do cats know to wander into the bedroom and sit on your head 5 minutes before the alarm is due to go off?

Complicated answer :
It's the same reason I used to wake up 5 minutes before my alarm went off. In a seperate reality very simliar to this one, but running a few minutes fast, another version of you has undergone the shock of being woken up by the alarm.
That panic and uncertainty filters through to this copy of reality, and if you or your cat are sensitive enough, you'll detect the disturbance. As to why the cat decides to interpret this information as a command to sit on your head...

Simpler answer:
Your head is the warmest thing in your bedroom. For all _you_ know, they've been sitting on it all night, just very carefully. They just get nervous when you're about to wake up, fidget, and _then_ you notice they're there.

Simplest answer:
They're hungry - why should they wait for an alarm clock - get up, you lazy bugger.

On the other hand, if all you have to worry about is your cat sitting on your head, you've got it pretty good. My cat claws me when she sleeps in (guess why we only let her come inside when it's very cold or storming?)

I used to have a cat who loved to lick anything with a strong eucalyptus or menthol fragrance (eg Vicks Chest Rub, Eucalyptus Oil etc). Consequently he would go gah-gah over anyone in the house who had a head cold or the flu (having a cat lick you when you really just want to crawl into a hole and die is not at all pleasant). This contradicts all advice that these strong odours actually repel our feline friends. Perhaps this particular cat was a koala in a previous life?

So....If they are hungry, could it be that they are sitting on my head, fishing for all those spiders that I have
apparently swallowed during the night. (I read that in some research somewhere, not here, but maybe it is,
just haven't checked yet, and if it isn't maybe it should be. Mmm, research time.)

I think that's one research paper I would be in no hurry to read.

'Nonnie