h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A group of us clubbed together for a present for colleagues who got married earlier in the year. We went round there for a meal on Saturday and the subsiduary present (a Chinese coffee set) was not in evidence, although their main gift was. So, they don't like our taste in China and have offloaded it. What was the worst thing you got and how did you offload it?
I'll kick this off with - an orange crinoline girl lamp, which I gave to a sixyear old

I didn't get any particularly awful presents, but I got two of everything: two filter coffee makers, two sandwich toasters, two deep fat fryers, two vacuum cleaners and so on.

A two foot high glass wine dispenser encased in a metal holder affair decorated with vine leaves, and bunches of grapes. Ghastly affair, and it dribbles wine at the approximate speed of 1 pint a fortnight.
I don't know anyone who drinks that slowly.

Stashed in in my sister's kitchen cupboard, and moved two states away.

Three wall clocks for goodness sake, and not a stick of cutlery! Have you ever tried eating pasta with a wallclock?

Luckily one of the wallclocks came in a box with 'Argos' printed on it (dubious quality catalogue based store) so we were able to swap it for some bedding.

My brother got the ultimate in tacky wedding presents. It was a tiny glass bell engraved with doves and hearts. It was described as a "make up bell". When the newly weds had a little tiff, the instructions explained, one should go and tinkle the bell as a sign that they were ready to "make up". But don't let it always be the same one that does the ringing!

I suggest that the bell would probably be the first thing to be thrown in such a "tiff".

I'm not married but have been to quite a few weddings and I always have big trouble buying presents (the lists that have been given to me have always been out of my league - I mean SELFRIDGES wedding list - $120 for six napkin rings )
So I usually end up getting dull stuff like bed linen and the like.

Is there a rule somewhere where you can't get his and her's computer games or CD's or something?

When I got married for the second time, we asked for store vouchers on the grounds that we'd been living together for 11 years anyway & had most of the 'traditional' wedding presents.

We did get a bottle of rather good whisky, but it was combined with a somewhat dubious bottle of Marsala which even WE'VE not been able to face and it's still gathering cobwebs in the pantry

Try using the Marsala up in a thick, dark rich sauce (i.e., add it to some gravy) to be served with steak or roast beef or veal.

Someone I know (_not_ the spearcarrying one) proposed to his intended in the bathroom. Do you think they'll ever speak to me again if I buy them one of those jokey loo seats? They're see-through plastic with things embedded in them. And if so, should it be the one stuffed with dollar bills, or teddy bears, or red roses or should I go the whole hog and get the one stuffed with white satin and confetti and wedding rings? (Well, they're unlikely to get 2 of them)

As long as it's not the one with the barbed wire.

Do you think they will get the connection though?

Perhaps something more useful bathroomy - er...towels?

My worst wedding present: I had some towels as a wedding present which were just SO AWFUL - one pink, one blue with "His" and "Hers" on them and floral-patterned. I never thought to try and get rid of them, and they are indestructible. Next April is our Silver Wedding and I still have them in the cupboard, in occasional use.

A ceramic duck.

We left it on the windowsill of our sitting room until we moved to our new house. None of us could figure out what we were going to do with it at that stage, so we binned it.

Sorry auntie, or friend-of-distant-cousin, or whoever you are...

OOh just reminded me of an engagement present: a money box, xheap Far East ceramics, shappped like a foot tall pile of frogs with glazed(!) expressions on their faces, like those big piles of mating frogs you see on nature programmes...

Left it at my parent's house. Never saw it again

Our worst was given anonymously... since the Best Man, in a drunken enthusiasm, decided to collect the envelopes from the Presents Table for us to read on our wedding night - and included the gift tags, torn from the parcels! As a result, I wrote lots of general thank you letters, but didn't have to thank someone specifically for the ***two lovely cast iron serving spoons, whose handles are shaped into the breasts, shoulders, and face of a woman***

As for wedding lists, we tried to be reasonable, so we included items which cost £5 per piece as well as the upper price range...

x x Fenny

A friend of mine was working as a nurses aide in an old folks home when she got married. A group of resident clubbed together to get her a gift....

A hand-painted china plate that I think was meant to be displayed on a wall or something. The painting was religious in nature and it included a sickly sweet and trite verse about the special commitment of marriage and all that stuff.

I have no idea what she did with it, but if it had been me, there would have been a terrible accident.

It seems you can now get the awful kitty moneyboxes with one paw in the air, where the paw actually waves

If it's the Maneki Neko you are talking about, I like that "awful kitty". But he shouldn't wave his hand.

The best present to get someone for their wedding is a dustbin. They're guaranteed to use it, nobody else will get them one, it will look good wrapped up, and they can use it to take the other presents home.

We asked for a very tall, urn shaped plain glass vase from Habitat. We got a v shaped pink crystal vase, engraved with Romeo and Juliet . Still, it's the thought that counts

It went to a charity shop - I don't know if anyone ever bought it...

Overall, I'd have to say we did pretty well, but we did a registry thing.

The only duplicate I got was glasses, which was on purpose. A friend of mine got married and moaned about how many boxes of glasses they got, so she decided to get vengeance on me for laughing at her misfortune.

But I got them a bookcase they were quite delighted to receive.

The gifts my wife received at the bridal shower are another story. They decided to go with a lingerie theme, and some of the items she brought home were downright ugly.