h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For the first time in, ooh, at least ten years, I'm working the overnight shift tonight. I've been looking forward to tonight in a funny way, just because I haven't done it for so long. I'm here from midnight til 8am, than come back at 2pm for a six-hour shift, so today's going to be quite a long day.

Right, best put some coffee on

0000: Arrive on shift with freshly-pressed shirt and brand new shoes, spankingly clean. Feels a bit pointless as no-one will see me until 7am, at which point I'll be lugging suitcases around and will be sweaty and disheveled anyway. Put pot of coffee on. Lock the only door that hasn't been locked up for me. Locking up done, check. Consult weekly jobs schedule and find I only have the beer lines to do. Make note to revise night porter's weekly jobs schedule tomorrow.

0010: First security scare of the night as, out of the corner of my eye, I spot someone trying to break into one of our coaches. Closer inspection reveals it to be my reflection in the window. It could be a long night.

0020: The coffee is through and I lace a large black one with a shot of brandy, something I learned in Spain. The kick keeps you running around for hours. Time for a cigarette, I think - just so the hoodlums outside know I'm in charge.

>>Arrive on shift with freshly-pressed shirt and brand new shoes, spankingly clean.<<

Obviously not from Nodnol then? And recovered from the 'alternative' Meet ...





MMF

Ooo you couldn't make me one of those coffees whilst you at it?

0030: Realise I've left my lighter in the flat. Worry for a moment about the consequences this would have for a 'real' night porter, as opposed to someone who has just popped upstairs to drink coffee for eight hours. Where would you be without the possibility of a crafty fag at 3am?

Nice to see you guys are up Yeah, the alternative Meet was dead good, MMF and if you're lucky I might tell you all about it in next week! Coffee's in the post, legsy - unless you want to hop on a train and while away the wee hours? There's a barely-attended bar here going to waste...

If memory serves me correct, and I got a train just now, it'd jsut about be possible for me to be ther e in time for breckfast actually I doubt the trains run late enough

"Reveals it to be my reflection"

They're probably running late anyway, so you've probably got plenty of time

0050: Hear the sound of someone walking around in the next block, squeaking floorboards. Could be a man psychopath with a knife who's broken in, or it could be a sleepwalking guest. Either way, I wish they'd shut up. I'm trying to get some editing done here. I noisily walk towards the offending block and the creaking presently stops. So that's alright, then. If there's no noise, there's nothing to investigate.

How you doing there, young Gosho? Let's see, early evening over there, you've clearly knocked off for the day - Manhattan in the fridge, is it?

creaking floorboards....

0105: First real security scare of the night, as a shadowy figure dressed in black brazenly walk right up to the desk and accosts me. It's Lainey, and she's come to say goodnight. She tells me off for not doing any work, then goes to bed. Phew! That was close.

Creaking floorboards, eh? I can picture the scene...

Three knocks at the door. Rich's deep, Devonshire voice lilts into the room...

"I 'ope there's none o' that fornicatin' goin' on in there!!!"

Urgh, that's a horrible thought, KB. The youngest of them is about 93. I'm not ageist about sex or anything, but I visualise them having to stop to pop a hip back in or something.

0120: The phone rings.

'Hello, we're three lads, just driven down from London, looking for a room and we can't find one anywhere!'

No. And you're not bloody likely to, either.

This thread could be oddly enthralling. Like how people enjoy watching others locked in a room on crap like Big Brother!

Disclaimer: Any commonality between Rich's journal and that crap was not intended by that remark. (Well, I had to say it. You don't go to someone's house and -ahem- on the carpet, do you? )

0135: Finish editing the first of Venus's entries in her Uni project. Hard work, this night portering lark. Time for another coffee and a fag, I think. Bread man will be here in an hour, and apparently that's the highlight of the night.

If you think this is enthralling, KB, you should've seen Mu Beta's chilli-eating thread. I'll see if I can find it if - ahem - I get time.

sadly I must away to bed soon I think or I fear the morning may bring fresh horrors of sleepyness and non functioning thinking circuits

0137: My reflection scares the crap out of me as I stand up to get coffee.