h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Everything you need to know about party Piñatas - A2661716
Author: ZMC2004 - U739032

Hello,

I'd be grateful for a review of my Pinata article.

Many Thanks,

ZMC

Hi ZMC,

First of all, I think you need to read the page on <./>HouseRules</.> and also the Writing-Guidelines for entering articles into the Edited Guide. Whether intentional or not, this is not a suitable entry for Peer Review because is an advertisement.

Woodpigeon

Well, I wouldn't say the whole entry is an advertisement, but the reference to your specific supplier (as well as the link) will have to be removed. Otherwise I think this is a rather comprehensive entry

In lieu of naming your specific retailer-of-choice it can be said that pinatas can usually be purchased from any party or carnival supply store.

Also keep in mind that while this is a BBC site and hosted in Britain, it is a world-wide guide that is accessed by many who do not live in Britain. Pinatas have been popular with American children for years

On the whole a commendable first effort I think, with a bit of work should be suitable for the Edited Guide .

Regarding the link, do we have to worry about this person's Personal Space?

I was just leaving him a message about that

ZMC, please see the message I've left for you here: F1820558?thread=425710

Thank you for your feedback everyone and for those of you who contacted me directly.

I've altered the entry now - removing the link. I've seen links in other people's guide entries - how can I include a link to this particular website without it being construed as an advert?

Thanks,

ZMC

This is a considerable improvement! Well done!

This entry is definitely Edited Guide material now. You shouldn't need to make too many changes I think.

Your question is a bit tricky. Although you will see a lot of links to other sites in other guide entries, the Beeb doesn't really permit links to e-tailers. It can't be seen favouring one e-tailer over another.

However, here is another way of looking at this. Party Pinatas is a pretty new (and cool) idea in this part of the world, so simply by describing what its all about, and indicating that its possible to set up a party quite easily, you are creating a need within people, which makes it good for the business generally. By letting them know that local e-tailers are available to help, you are increasing the possibility of going to the site of your choosing without even mentioning what that site is.

A small point - you mention that internet e-tailers are the best way of getting what you need. That's a bit subjective, IMHO. You are better off saying that it is one way of getting what you need.

Well done!

Woodpigeon

Hey ZMC!

It would perhaps (big perhaps) be acceptable to say:
'To see some of the many forms a pinata might take, you can visit websites like 'XXXXXX' and view their on-line catalogue. Other e-tailers may also carry unusual forms, and local retailers normally have a selection as well.'

(rough, but the idea is just to suggest a site as 'for information only'.)

Meanwhile, How about something regarding the bashing stick? Some sticks work great, and others do not. For example I suppose a broom handle, or even a broom, would do; but a yard rake might be too dangerous.

You could even include bashing stick lengths, grips, and techniques!

A good first entry ZMC

Well-laid out. I don't know which site you were advertising, as all references are gone now.

Having checked out the top Google UK sites for 'pinata' I think you could definitely say that 'a much wider range is available on-line than you are likely to find in local shops selling party merchandise'.

I'd suggest amending the title to the more succinct 'Piñata: the party game'

Pimms

Yes, it looks great now, ZMC .
I've found a couple of typos and inconsistencies to call your attention to:

party e-tailors >> e-tailers

The word "piñata" derives from the Spanish verb "apinar": meaning to join or bind in a bundle. >> This sentence might fit better at the top with the pronunciation as it's about the word itself, not what a pinata is.

With the exception of your title, pinata does not need to be capitalised; and there are a couple of places where it doesn't have the whatchamacallit over the 'n'.

an unbroken piñata can easily be repaired >> if it's unbroken why would it need to be repaired?

Very nice looking entry, still needing some work though:

"A Piñata is a hand made papier-mâché and cardboard model decorated with brightly coloured tissue paper, designed to be filled with sweets, small toys and treats, in fact just about anything you can fit in and that won’t get smashed when the piñata is bust apart. Made to be broken, these models are nevertheless fashioned with enormous care and come in all shapes and sizes, from traditionally shaped Stars to contemporary footballs."

The various shapes which pinatas come in needs to be introduced at the beginning of the paragraph, not the end - in between 'model' and 'decorated'.

"when the piñata is bust apart"
'when the pinata bursts open' or 'when the pinata is burst open'

"traditionally shaped Stars"
as opposed to non-traditional stars? What shape is a 'traditional star'? Do you mean that they're 'traditionally shaped as stars'? In most images I've seen of Mexican or Mexican-American, Texan, and Californian kids smashing a pinata, they're shaped as a donkey or mule.

"contemporary footballs"
Same questions - what shape is a 'contemporary football'? Do you mean that a football is 'a more contemporary shape for a pinata'?


Scout

I like this entry, ZMC, I think it explains the subject well. I think this could be edited entry material, with some re-working.

The main improvement I can see to make, that hasn't been mentioned is to use header and subheading tags, instead of bullet points, as I think that would make things look better. This entry:<./>GuideML-Clinic</.>, explains how to use all the GuideML tags including headers and subheaders, in case you aren't familiar with them.

You don't have to do the GuideML yourself, and I gather the sub-editors, who do the final editing prefer no guideml to badly formatted GuideML, but it's probably worth having a go with GuideML, if you haven't already. It looks like you have already with the bullet points.

Also, it might be worth bringout some subsections together under one heading, and removing some headings. In the case of the introduction, you don't really need a heading at all, as the entry's title acts as a heading.

I'll leave it at that for now, and just say well done on writting a nice entry . I look forward to seeing your changes.

This one caught my eye while perusing PR.

Right near the end, there's a bit about repairing an unbroken[sic] pinata. That sounds a bit like a typo that could be fixed.

Cheers!

The author of this one appears to have been gone since May -- this seems like a decent start on an entry, should we consider moving this thread to the Flea Market?

Reckon we should - it would be if someone picked it up and got it into the EG

Hey - I'd like to take a crack at finishing up this article! I live in Arizona in the US... right on the border of Mexico; pinatas are nearly mandatory at kids parties here (but not adults, though).
I'll get working.

Thanks!