h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I vaguely remember seeing a TV Documentary a few years ago about an American Forces guy who came up with a lot of statements like "If anything can go wrong, it will". I think he kept running tests that never worked.
I think he had no choice in the naming of the law, although as far as I know, in England it's Sod's Law.
Further on in that documentary, they tried to prove Sod's law with a number of tests - like buttering a piece of bread and dropping it, to see if it really would always land face down. It never, which kind of proved Sod's law.

The odds of piece of buttered bread landing butter side down must be 2 to 1, the same as tossing a coin the odds of it being heads or tails are 2 to 1 (fifty fifty). Maybe it is a little heavier on the buttered side and might slightly increase the odds of it landing on this side, but I dought it.

I have just returned to this forum and read the first posting again and it made me think about "on the earhole" correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think any one has explained it's meaning yet.
Possibly it is a very old saying, It might have something to do with thieves having an ear cut off many years ago, It is usually said when somebody you know wants to borrow something and you know it will be ages before it is returned, if ever.

The law in question is Murphy's Law, and there are a number of H2G2 forums dedicated to it.

As for the buttered toast problem, the problem is that they were throwing the pieces of toast into the air and watching which way they fell. Under these circumstances, apparently, the toast has an even chance of landing either way up. However, no one normally throws toast into the air. Toast gets KNOCKED off whatever surface it is on, e.g. the kitchen / dining table. Under these circumstances the toast will almost always fall buttered side down. This is because there isn't sufficient distance between table top and floor for the bread to rotate through 360 degrees. For this to happen the bread should be cut into 1 inch squares (I think) or the table should be 9 feet high (or something).

I've said all this on the Murphy's Law forum, I'm just trying to save you some time!

Well thank you Cheerful Dragon, you have save me a lot of hiking.

Thanks for the explanations! I think I once heard someone say, 'She don't half take the piss, do she?' and that meant 'man, she really lays it on when she gives a smartass response'--yes?

The condition of the weather at or in the direction of Bill's Mothers has long been an issue of concern to the test match special team (thats the team that ccommentates on UK home cricket internationals for the BBC radio network) when commentating from Old Trafford (the cricket ground not the foorball stadium). I always assumed it to be a reference to the actual home of the mother of a one time team member called Bill. The implication being that Bill's mother lived upwind of the cricket ground and thus the weather conditions there gave an indication of the weather conditions to be expected at the cricket ground in the next 30-40 minutes or so. (very useful in cricket where play stops for rain)

Waz versus Slash

Ok, an American wants to know: which is the more vulgar term, "waz" or "slash"? I've always gotten from various contexts that "slash" is the more vulgar term - akin to "pee" versus "piss" in American English where "piss" is more vulgar.

Neither is particularly vulgar, it would not be uncommon to overhear a lad in the pub jumping up from his seat semmingly abondoning both his pint and his mates without so much as a by your leave and announcing to the world that he is 'off for a slash' or 'going for a waz'. However when visiting your mother you would be unlikely to say 'hey mum where's the pisser in this place I need a waz' although that would be a perfectly acceptable enquiry when visiting a mate. (although obviously you wouldn't preceed the enquiry with 'hey mum' you would be far more likely to start with 'hey there you little tosser'. Both piss, pee and for that matter wee are all in common useage in the UK and could safely be used in the preasence of your mother (or the maitre d' of some posh hotel/retaurant). As could lavatory or loo, toilet should be avoided as should bathroom, washroom and restroom. The first two might just be understood but the third will earn you directions to a waiting room or a quiet room where you can have a snooze.

Someone explain "Irie" to me, please.

Why do I not see "naff" or "toss(er)" anywhere?

I see you have listed hens teeth but what about the rocking horse s**t

My Geordie friend Jimmy, neither naff nor a tosser, has delight in telling people that they are as much use as "Two men off work" or that a situation is "As welcome as a ginger step-child". I suppose both qualify for this forum as I supply explanations for neither...but then do they need them?

Chuffed: Possibly from the Dublin English "chuffey" meaning full and contented after a meal. (I'm told that in Wexford "chuffed" is stuffed with food, but this source is not verified)

I don't know the origin of "take the piss", but in Lincolnshire it is used in the phrase "Are you taking the piss or am I giving it away", menaning are you being smart or am I being stupid?

I hadn't noticed that naff & toss(er) aren't anywhere to seen but now that you have bought them up: Naff was a word first said by a comedian called Ronnie Barker, the tv show was called Porridge. It was a comedy show about some prison inmates. Now this might sound really stupid but when they wrote the script the BBC only allowed so many swear words per episode so the writers came up with the word 'Naff' ie Naff off instead of F**k off. I think Ronnie Barker was one of the writers of show.

Just been looking back at a few old pages and it seems no-one has dealt with "Codswallop"....Well, many years ago a company called "Cods" or "Codds" marketed a carbonated drink, but as this was before the days of the bottle opener, a means had to be found to keep the fizz in, and yet make it accessible to the consumer. The answer was to put a glass sphere, a marble, inside the bottle during manufacture, fill the bottle with the beverage, and then invert the bottle, the pressure holding the marble tightly in place. Along with the drink was sold a wooden peg-on-a-handle for "walloping" the marble into the bottle. After its first use, the wooden device was useless for anything else, as a new one would be obtained with the next bottle. It was a load of Cod's Wallop, and could be discarded.

I had thought this was Cod's sperm, which meant that you had a male fish and would not be getting the much prized eggs.
...but perhaps that was Cod's wallop too

What is the origin of the word "Snorter" which was in todays Guardian;
i.e. "Just when you think the Dobson camp will go a whole week without a fiasco, they come up with an absolute snorter"

I'll be surprized if any one can come up with an explaination of the word 'snorter' I think it is being used cause it sounds like the old word 'Corker' meaning good or funny, if someone can tell us where the word 'corker' originated from that would be interesting.

No, no, no. Bob's your uncle originated ages before that. I think it's to do with nepatism. Some upper class bloke in the 19thC managed to get a high position in parliament or the civil service, despite being a total loser, purely becauce his uncle (Robert somebody) was high up in government and had a word on his behalf. Thus, if you do well, Bob's your Uncle.
There's a board game called Evolutions which explains loads of these phrases.