h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A useful bit of information, for when you don't have a chance to ask, "Where is the toilet?":

In much of the English-speaking world, "toilet" is abbreviated "WC",
for "water closet". This is particularly true for countries which still have Queen Elizabeth on their currency.
(Queen Elizabeth is often abbreviated "ER" in these countries, for "Elizabeth Regina"... but I digress.)

"The Crapper" is a wonderful name for the toilet.
Many people believe it got this name after Sir Thomas Crapper (1836-1910) who supposedly invented the flushing toilet. Except he probably didn't.
And the word 'crap' (meaning defecation) was being bandied about long before T.C. was out of short trousers.
Still, what need of truth for a good story to pass into folklore?

"Thunderbox" is quite a nice term as well.

Of course, you're up the creek if you try it in France, where you can indeed use "WC"...but you probably didn't know the french pronounce the W like a V. So say "Vay-Say". So now you know.

Alternative toilet names (polite):

the powder room
the smallest room

...and that's about it. It's important not to use these terms if you're under about seventy. Instead, try

Alternative toilet names (impolite):

the shunkie (ayrshire)
the cludge (ayrshire again)
the pit (n.e. england)
the shasher (ditto)
the hole in the ground (this last term isn't often used north of Dundee because it's too often exactly accurate)
the trench (edinburgh)

What about alternative names for what people do when they are in the Dunny (Australia!).

There is "Barry White", "Scooby Doo" and "Jamie Redknapp" plus "Jimmy Riddle", "Riddle and Kiss", "Single Fish" (Glasgow)and "watering the horse".

All of these (except for the last) should be thought of in terms of rhyming slang. Any others?

Siphoning the python
pointing percy at the porcelain
having a wet
draining one's 'taters
having a slash
(etc. etc.....)

Toilet actions fall into two categories, accurately named Number One and Number Two.
These categories are themselves widely used nicknames for the actions.

Number One:
"Hose Down the Wall"
"Wave the Magic Wand"

Number Two:
"Lay Down a Log"
"Expel a Magic Butt Dragon"

There's also a number three:
"Calling for Huey down the porcelain telephone"
..but we're all far too grown up for that sort
of behaviour

Who could forget "draining the main vein"? Of course, this applies to men only....

I've also heard of the phrase: "Shaking hands with the wife's best friend". Also for men only (presumably).

To update slightly the entry on what the french call their loos, here are a few nice ones to use in general French conversation...

"Les Chiottes" is a rather jucy one, not for use in higher social spheres!
"Le Pipi Room" is the "Breeteesh" one...
"Les Gogues" is a rather old fashioned one...

Bon voyage !

In German there are many words for this place:

1. "Toilette" which is much the same as toilet
2. "Klo" is not political correct; like "le pissoir" in French
2. "Das stille Örtchen" meaning "the quiet little place"; if you don't want to be direct
...

Lena

I once went to Oktoberfest in Munchen, Germany, where they had three kinds of toilet: Damen, Herren, and Pissoir.

Has anyone ever thought about the words "water" and "loo" and combining them? Out comes a famous historic place the whole world talks about (you know, don´t you?). Funny, but basically correct: "water" = "water", "loo" = "closet"...
Damn, what a useless entry!

When a were a lad, living in the North East of England (yes, the land of the Geordies - why aye, man!) we sometimes called a WC either:

i) The netty

ii) The bog(s) - or

iii) The stink-bomb factory

(the last one was made up by me, when I was an anal retentive child)

In a working class, Geordie pub, when trying to track down said WC, just shout out: How, man ("excuse me") - where's the netty?! (local dialect word already mentioned. Best of luck.

Euphemisms(sp?) in common use around where I live:

Number 1:
-tapping a kidney
-making room for more beer

Number 2:
-dropping the kids off
-bombing Pearl Harbor

How about a sci-fi element,there's a bloke here who refers to it as playing"Light sabers".

http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20000301

More euphemisms:

toilet: potty

liquid: take a leak
make the bladder gladder

solid: pinch a loaf

holding the solid material in for lack of a place to relieve yourself of it: baking a brownie

ick.

Although Thomas Crapper didn't invent the flush toilet, he did invent the modern siphoning toilet cistern. Previous attempts at a flush toilet leaked all the time, causing a continuous stream of water through the toilet. This meant that the toilet used huge amounts of water. Crapper invented the modern flushing toilet which we all have in our homes. All toilet cisterns made by Crapper had his name in large letters on the side. There is a very good example in the Science Museum in London.

The name toilet is itself a euphemism meaning "place for cleaning yourself". The "real" name is jakes, pronounced "jacks", which is still the normal name among males in Ireland. As far as I know, this is not a euphemism, but an actual word.

Another name is "shit house".