h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Does anyone know the exact proportions of ham to bread slice thickness required for full effect? Also, are chrisp sandwiches unique to students? Just a few points of debate during metal tiredness; well just testing ground here, bit lost, bit unsure?

There is a bit more to this question than mere bread/ham proportions. The type and thickness of bread and ham can have a major effect on the finished product, as can the addition of butter/margarine and/or mayonnaise. I suggest starting with a standard medium white slice of high quality bread with a thin coating of a buttery spread. Then add about 3mm of lightly salted ham. (beware of any ham with an added water content of more than 15%) The second slice of bread should be similarly spread, but a half teaspoon of best mayonaise (there is only one) should be added to heighten the flavour.
Crisp sandwiches should not be taken in conjunction with ham, but Smokey Bacon flavour are an excellent accompaniment to Baked potatoes with baked bean filling.
PS I'm a Farm Worker not a student! The lost and unsure bit will start to fade at around your sixtieth year!!

The secret to a fine ham sandwich (not a ham steak sandwich) is very thin slices (machine sliced, razor thin) of roast or smoked ham, separated by any of the lovely spreads mentioned above as well as mustard and possibly very thin slices (machine sliced) of cheese. Pickles can be a nice added touch. Lettuce is optional.
The same is true of roast or smoked beef unless of course you want a beef steak sandwich. Conclusion: Either many very thin slices layered with garnishes or one big slab of meat slathered in a sauce. (Hmm, a possible metaphor for life there..)

I strongly disagree with thin slices. Using any sort of bread, 7-8mm slices are the way to go. You have to use more thin slices for the same amount of meat, and the more surface area the slice has, the flavor-loss quotient is very high, and you quickly find yourself eating a sub-perfect sandwich. Also the addition of cheese/s alter the flavor reaction of the meat. Thin slices of cheese are good because they don't smother the rich flavor of the meat; rather, they add to it, creating something wholly new and scrumptuous. Mustard is a must for ham. Adds tang in small amounts, but too much mustard overpowers the meat.

I must take exception to your notion of flavour loss quotient vis a vis the increased exposed surface area of many thin slices. Quite the reverse is true; multiple slices allow for increased contact area for the taste buds and less rigourous chewing activity per volume bitten off. (A concept also seen in greek pastries.)
Your case might hold up in a situation where the sandwich was left exposed to open air and left uneaten until the edges curled up like a pagoda roofline - but I can assure you these circumstances would never occur for me.

What actuly is a chrisp sandwich? Is it a cross of a chip sandwitch an a chip sandwich or perhaps something more bizzare.

For me a ratio of 2:1 bread to contents is required and the actual scale of the sadwitch is entirely irrelevent.

Thick meat holds more flavor! A machine must slice often to slice thin, therefore more of the flavor gets wiped off by the blade of the slicer. Thick slices provide mass to the sandwich, so it feels full of flavor as well as the fact that it IS full of flavor. Thin meat just doesn't cut it...so to speak.

Thick meat holds more flavor! A machine must slice often to slice thin, therefore more of the flavor gets wiped off by the blade of the slicer. Thick slices provide mass to the sandwich, so it feels full of flavor as well as the fact that it IS full of flavor. Thin meat just doesn't cut it...so to speak.

Oops. I seem to have repeated myself myself.
Oops. I seem to have..DANG IT!

Oops. I seem to have repeated myself myself.
Oops. I seem to have..DANG IT!

The machine slices off the flavour ..?
You wierd.

It removes juices in the meat, yes. The juices are good.

Have you considered sharpening the blade?
Smoked meats are quite dry.

Blast - I'm really hungry after reading all that.

As a hoopy veggiemite, I cant talk about the green ham and spam debate but as a consieur of crisp sandwiches her goes:
No crisp ssandwiches are not exclusive to students, in fact after becoming a student, I have not had ONE! However, I have a not so hoopy veggiemite sister at home and she and her friends love them, according to them, the best way to make a crisp sandwich is:
(SERVES TWO)
Take two pieces of sliced bread
2 packet of crisps preferably twodifferent flavours
Butter
A knife
and a big GOB (a small one will do, it just means smaller bites)

1. Butter the slices of bread favourably on one side only
2. Add 1/2 pack of crisps to one slice on th buttered side
3. Put other slice on top of crisps
4. Squash down with specially muddied hands to get the atmospher of mum teling you of just right (V imp)
5. Stuff into GOB (This is why you need a big gob!)
6. Enjoy
Hope this helps,- thats a crisp sandwich!

Crisps come in more than one flavour?
So, the 1/2 pack in the recipe is really 1/4 pack of each of two flavours then. And two full packets will provide enough crisps for 4 tu-tone crisp sammies.
Kewl.

You could try Marmite, (vegemite for our antipodean friends) plain crisps & sardines. Luvverly

Here's one of my Fav.

1) Two Slices of Bread Butter and Sandwich spread placed on both Slices.

2) Silton Cheese Slices ( not an easy thing to do with sliton) and placed on one slice of bread.

3) Turkey / ham / chicken or even tuna placed on top of the silton.

4) Walkers cheese and onion crips / ready salted or whatever flavour takes your fancy, placed on top of that.

5) Close sandwich with other slice of bread and munch!

Mmmmmmmmmmmm Nice!

FH :O)

I can see hot links to several food programmes devoted to 'new to this' sandwiches. The ideal ham sandwich could come in many forms, hot roast gammon cut in think succulent slices with a dollop of fresh bread sauce or redcurrent jelly or both. This requires a substantial bread slice, better still a large wholemeal bap, otherwise the whole edifice collapses into your lap, a real problem if you bought it in a drive thru. I mean what do you do at 90 miles an hour on the M3 with hot gammon and bread sauce on your pinstripes. Another perfect ham sandwich is to slice open a fresh ciabatte and add two slices of honey roast, hand carved, machine cut is just not the same, and between the two slices a large forkful of coleslaw. Not just any coleslaw. Too much mayonaise is bad. The carrots onions and cabbage need to be thinly shredded a dash of freshly ground pepper and ..oooo I am in heaven.
Crisps can go well with the latter. Thick crinkle cut.

I noticed several cheese and ham sugestions. Afraid not. Keep the cheese with the pickle and not the ham.

The best Cheese-type sandwich is the cheese'n'ham type ... ingredients as follows:

2 slices granary bread (looks as if it should be good for you and so nullifies the lardiness of the other components)
Mayo (only ever the best)
Mustard (English)
Branston Pickle
A healthy slice of your favourite pig
A healthy (but not too healthy) slice of mature Cheddar
Cucumber
Tomato
Lettuce
S + P

Assemble the above as per the Sandwich Standard (ie with the bread on the outside) and voila.

Please Note: This sandwich must be consumed as soon as is humanly possible. Tomatoes have a habit of splurging which makes the experience all the more interesting but also causes bread to go soggy.

Please also note that mustard must be sufficient as to induce a warmth within your mouth but not so much as to render your tongue numb.