h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

"After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board."
- Sign in a British office


"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
- Mariah Carey, Pop Singer


"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the
opposite"
- Murray Walker, Sportscaster


I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece


"How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby."
- Anonymous Manufacturer


Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.
Batman Costume warning label


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree with them.
George Bush, US President


anyone got anymore ?

“Please note

We would ask your kind co-operation in ensuring that you leave the facilities in a clean and tidy condition after use and would ask in particular that no waste papers, cigarette ends, etc are left on the floor or in the basins and that the vanitory unit is wiped down should any splashes/ spillages have occurred.

Thank you”


This is in the ladies bathroom at work. I dread to think how long it's been there - decades, given the reference to smoking!

i love this one

Dick Cavett
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.