h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So whats the worst chat up line that
1. You have ever used
2. That has evr been used on you
3. That you have ever heard

excuse me do you know you remind me of a spanner
whys that then?
cos everytime i see you me nuts tighten

*grabs a piece of ice from target's drink, and crushes it underfoot*

"OK, now we've broken the ice..."

Never had it used on me (I'm not the sort of person who gets chatted up) but the thought of someone sticking their dirty fingers in my drink... eww.

or its the classic one of

you lick your fingers and wipe a finger on the Victim/Target

then you say to em

"gotta get you outta them wet clothes"

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.......

Saw one recommended in a women's magazine: "Excuse me, but are you single? Only my friend Tom fancies you..."

Which tells you immediately if the guy is spoken for, or gay, without having to make a complete prat of yourself in the process. Obviously change the name if you're looking for a woman...

Theres some corkers on my local radio breakfast show sometimes.The only one i can remember now though is "Excuse me, do you believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk past you again?"

Said in a sweaty club:

'You don't sweat much for a fat bird'

never used it, but ive always thought

"Get yer coat love, ye've pulled"

has a bit of a ring to it....

Is there such a thing as a chat-up line that isn't completely awful?

exactly! by very definition, 'chat-up line' means 'awful patter'

Bond. James Bond.

One's I've overheard at bars -

'Is that a ladder in your stockings, or a stairway to heaven?'

'If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?'

c'mon, you honestly haven't heard anyone trying to chat someone up with that tosh have you????

oh, yes. In a club in a small rural Australian city called Wangaratta. The club was once called the Zoo, and then the Albion. Not sure if it still has that name though.

I think the bloke in question was a footballer, and his targets college students, I didn't stay to find out. Finished my beer and went home to watch the D-Gen.

oh dear.

<>

What's the D-Gen? Oh my, you haven't lived!

Quite probably the best comedy team Australia, if not the world, has ever seen! They are the minds behind Frontline, Bargearse, the Olden Days, the Dish, the Castle and the D-Gen Late Show was on late at night during my youth. Everyone always went home from the pub around 11pm to catch the D-Gen (well, all the people anyway )

Google those shows and movies, or better still YouTube search, and have a chuckle

A friend to woman in pub

'lend us a quid for the condom machine'


It worked!

Hang on, do you mean the line worked, or the condom machine? Coz those are invariably broken...(not that I'd know. honest. I purchase my contraceptive aids from a reputable source. Oh dear, I'll get a shovel. I'm digging a hole here...)

The line worked lucky git

The man is trying to dig his way back to Australia, novel method.