h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

 I am planning to write a definitive list of amusing contradictions in terms. Please add to this forum any amusing ones you have. Here are some samples, just to give you an idea of what I'm looking for:

Childish Innocence,
American Military Intelligence,
Tactical Nuclear Missile,
Microsoft Works.

Entries will be compiled on the 21st of August.

"Caring Conservatism"?

management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile.

or how about --

honest politcian


wsfn

safe sex

Howsabout an aviation one.....

Near miss

Yeah, I like 'near miss'. A near miss is a hit, isn't it?
It's along the same lines as 'falling between the cracks'.

How about 'peacekeeper missile'?

Bus Timetable ?
Managing Director ?

Sorry about the forum being headed 'Contaditions in terms'! My spleiingg isn't all it might be, what with the copious amounts of erm... erm... erm... Colombian flour I've er... er... er...
Well, anyway, the CITs that have so far been accepted are:
American Military Intelligence - WowbaggerTIP
Childish innocence - WowbaggerTIP
Tactical Nuclear Missile - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Microsoft Works - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Caring conservatism - Global Villiage Idiot
management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile. - wsfn
safe sex - StevieBab Near miss (A near miss is a hit, isn't it?) - The Magpie
falling between the cracks - Man in Shack
Bus Timetable - Researcher 53864
Managing Director - Researcher 53864
Apologies to wsfn, 'honest politician' isn't a contradiction in terms so much as a myth: a rare species once found in ancient Greece and Rome. Also, apologies to Man in Shack: Peacekeeper missile is too similar to 'Tactical nuclear missile', so I'm very sorry.
Remember to keep sending those entries, folks!

Rap music

Working vacation

Head butt

Government worker

Why does it have to be American military intelligence? I've met people from foreign militaries as well, and I am not impressed.

Here are some more common Oxymorons for your perusal:

Act Naturally
American English
Artificial Reality
Baby Grand Piano
Black Light
Bottoms Up
British Fashion
Bureaucratic Efficiency
Cardinal Sin
Cost Free
Civil War
Congressional Ethics Committee
Constant Change
Criminal Justice
Down Escalator
Dress Pants
Dry Wine
Elementary Calculus
Freezer Burn
Fresh Frozen Food
Friendly Argument
Fuzzy Logic
Good Grief
Gourmet Pizza
Great Depression
Happily Married
Holy War
Hopelessly Optimistic
Idiot Savant
Industrial Park
Irate Patient
Jumbo Shrimp
Liquid Crystal
Live Recording
Marijuana Initiative
Mobil Station
Old News
Original Copy
Partially Complete
Passive Resistance
Plastic Silverware
Politically Correct
Postal Service
Pretty Ugly
Random Selection
Rap Music
Second Best
Silent Alarm
Smart Bomb
Social Science
Soft Rock
Standard Deviation
Student Teacher
Sweet Sorrow
Terribly Nice
Unbiased Opinion

Okay, I'm tired of typing. If you want some more I'm sure I can go on forever.

Just the one suggestion springs to mind, how about "fun run" ?

In a similar vein - What about the popular euphemisms/obfuscations that you hear politicians, military, NASA, TV announcers etc. use so often to say so little with so much (or to say the opposite without lying).

Some examples:

Colateral Damage (civilian casualties)
Differently Abled (perhaps due to the above)
Temporally Challenged (late)
Previously Owned (used)
Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome (shell shock, battle fatigue, etc.)
Negative Financial Impact (cost)
Negative Growth Impact (reduction)
Non-Critical Personel Reduction (layoff)

Mix and match using the longest, most latinate words and use many uneccesary prefixes like pre, or perhaps non to negate a completely pointless word for it's usual opposite meaning.

Dry Rain (what my Mum called drizzle)

I think it's probably been submitted already - but the most obvious is "friendly fire"
I also like these - see what you think
"Girl Power" (woman power - yes, girl power - non)
"Charm offensive"
"sensitive male" (just to balance the above)
"Mature student"

Have you considered the opposite of the oxymoron, which I guess is the taughtology?
Examples -
Religious bigot
Fun pub
political scandal
Kinky sex
etc.

Btw I've just this minute registerd and all that, so sorry about the formal title - you can call me es-jay
bye for now
s-j

Tautology?

Redundancy again?

Deja vu-vu?

An oxymoron IS a contradiction in terms. Fun pub? Aren't pubs supposed to be fun??

Here's the updated list of all the CITs that have been accepted so far. Almost all have been accepted. Great thanks to Byzantine (I'm sick of using the copy and paste function!). Keep sending in those entries, kiddies! Competition: most cynical entry. User wins my admiration.
American Military Intelligence - WowbaggerTIP
Childish innocence - WowbaggerTIP
Tactical Nuclear Missile - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Microsoft Works - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Caring conservatism - Global Villiage Idiot
management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile. - wsfn
safe sex - StevieBab
Near miss (A near miss is a hit, isn't it?) - The Magpie
falling between the cracks - Man in Shack
Bus Timetable - Researcher 53864
Managing Director - Researcher 53864
Rap music - Gargleblaster
Working vacation - Gargleblaster
Head butt - Gargleblaster
Government worker - Gargleblaster
Act Naturally - Byzantine
American English - Byzantine
Artificial Reality - Byzantine
Baby Grand Piano - Byzantine
Black Light - Byzantine
Bottoms Up - Byzantine
British Fashion - Byzantine
Bureaucratic Efficiency - Byzantine
Cardinal Sin - Byzantine
Cost Free - Byzantine
Civil War - Byzantine
Congressional Ethics Committee - Byzantine
Constant Change - Byzantine
Criminal Justice - Byzantine
Down Escalator - Byzantine
Dress Pants - Byzantine
Dry Wine - Byzantine
Elementary Calculus - Byzantine
Freezer Burn Fresh - Byzantine
Frozen Food - Byzantine
Friendly Argument - Byzantine
Fuzzy Logic - Byzantine
Good Grief - Byzantine
Gourmet Pizza - Byzantine
Great Depression - Byzantine
Happily Married - Byzantine
Holy War - Byzantine
Hopelessly Optimistic- Byzantine
Idiot Savant - Byzantine
Industrial Park - Byzantine
Irate Patient - Byzantine
Jumbo Shrimp - Byzantine
Liquid Crystal - Byzantine
Live Recording - Byzantine
Marijuana Initiative - Byzantine
Mobil Station - Byzantine
Old News - Byzantine
Original Copy - Byzantine
Partially Complete - Byzantine
Passive Resistance - Byzantine
Plastic Silverware - Byzantine
Politically Correct - Byzantine
Postal Service - Byzantine
Pretty Ugly - Byzantine
Random Selection - Byzantine
Second Best - Byzantine
Silent Alarm - Byzantine
Smart Bomb - Byzantine
Social Science - Byzantine
Soft Rock - Byzantine
Standard Deviation - Byzantine
Student Teacher - Byzantine
Sweet Sorrow - Byzantine
Terribly Nice - Byzantine
Unbiased Opinion - Byzantine
Fun Run - Researcher 53922
Dry Rain (what my Mum called drizzle) - Fish
friendly fire - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Girl Power" (woman power - yes, girl power - non) - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Charm offensive - s-j (Researcher 53998)
sensitive male - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Mature student - s-j (Researcher 53998)

Apologies to wsfn, 'honest politician' isn't a contradiction in terms so much as a myth: a rare species once found in ancient Greece and Rome. Also, apologies to Man in Shack: Peacekeeper missile is too similar to 'Tactical nuclear missile', so I'm very sorry. Apologies also to Man in Shack, your latest three entries have been rejected too on the grounds that they're not reeeaallly CITs. Sorry.

I'm sorry, but unless you're American, "mobil station" doesn't make any sense. It's not really an oxymoron at all.


AndyF