h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How about,
"Free World"
"Land of the Free"

Nijiko

I got another one.....
"True Lies"
"European Space Agency"

Here's the list of all entries. Keep sending in them in, lads and laddesses! Don't forget the competition: most cynical entry. User wins my admiration.
American Military Intelligence - WowbaggerTIP
Childish innocence - WowbaggerTIP
Tactical Nuclear Missile - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Microsoft Works - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Caring conservatism - Global Villiage Idiot
management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile. - wsfn
safe sex - StevieBab
Near miss (A near miss is a hit, isn't it?) - The Magpie
falling between the cracks - Man in Shack
Bus Timetable - Researcher 53864
Managing Director - Researcher 53864
Rap music - Gargleblaster
Working vacation - Gargleblaster
Head butt - Gargleblaster
Government worker - Gargleblaster
Act Naturally - Byzantine
American English - Byzantine
Artificial Reality - Byzantine
Baby Grand Piano - Byzantine
Black Light - Byzantine
Bottoms Up - Byzantine
British Fashion - Byzantine
Bureaucratic Efficiency - Byzantine
Cardinal Sin - Byzantine
Cost Free - Byzantine
Civil War - Byzantine
Congressional Ethics Committee - Byzantine
Constant Change - Byzantine
Criminal Justice - Byzantine
Down Escalator - Byzantine
Dress Pants - Byzantine
Dry Wine - Byzantine
Elementary Calculus - Byzantine
Freezer Burn Fresh - Byzantine
Frozen Food - Byzantine
Friendly Argument - Byzantine
Fuzzy Logic - Byzantine
Good Grief - Byzantine
Gourmet Pizza - Byzantine
Great Depression - Byzantine
Happily Married - Byzantine
Holy War - Byzantine
Hopelessly Optimistic- Byzantine
Idiot Savant - Byzantine
Industrial Park - Byzantine
Irate Patient - Byzantine
Jumbo Shrimp - Byzantine
Liquid Crystal - Byzantine
Live Recording - Byzantine
Marijuana Initiative - Byzantine
Mobil Station - Byzantine
Old News - Byzantine
Original Copy - Byzantine
Partially Complete - Byzantine
Passive Resistance - Byzantine
Plastic Silverware - Byzantine
Politically Correct - Byzantine
Postal Service - Byzantine
Pretty Ugly - Byzantine
Random Selection - Byzantine
Second Best - Byzantine
Silent Alarm - Byzantine
Smart Bomb - Byzantine
Social Science - Byzantine
Soft Rock - Byzantine
Standard Deviation - Byzantine
Student Teacher - Byzantine
Sweet Sorrow - Byzantine
Terribly Nice - Byzantine
Unbiased Opinion - Byzantine
Fun Run - Researcher 53922
Dry Rain (what my Mum called drizzle) - Fish
friendly fire - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Girl Power" (woman power - yes, girl power - non) - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Charm offensive - s-j (Researcher 53998)
sensitive male - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Mature student - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Land of the Free - Eulogy
True Lies - Eulogy
European Space Agency - Eulogy

Apologies to wsfn, 'honest politician' isn't a contradiction in terms so much as a myth: a rare species once found in ancient Greece and Rome. Also, apologies to Man in Shack: Peacekeeper missile is too similar to 'Tactical nuclear missile', so I'm very sorry. Apologies also to Man in Shack, your latest three entries have been rejected too on the grounds that they're not reeeaallly CITs. Sorry.

What exactly is your admiration worth? In round figures?

I'm scraping the barrel here
"till' death do us part"
"safe sex"
"clever blonde"
"white sox = world series"
"England = World cup winners"
"stiff upper lip"
"freedom of speech"
.......I'v got the ultimate one, these two should never and will never go together "Star wars merchandise"
Nijiko.

I thought i would put "safe sex" on there cause it's so true !!

Here's the final CIT article! Hope you like it. Safe sex was submitted so many times I lost count. Most cynical entry goes to Byzantine for 'Comgressional Ethics Committee'. Congratulations! And no, my admiration, is, I'm afraid, not exchangeable into any other currency. Article is complete now, but I'll make monthly updates if you wish to submit any more.

A contradiction in terms is a couple of words, usually comprising and adjective or two and a noun. Many are satirical, many just take the piss, but the best ones are the cynical ones.
American Military Intelligence - WowbaggerTIP
Childish innocence - WowbaggerTIP
Tactical Nuclear Missile - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Microsoft Works - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Caring conservatism - Global Villiage Idiot
management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile. - wsfn
safe sex - StevieBab
Near miss (A near miss is a hit, isn't it?) - The Magpie
falling between the cracks - Man in Shack
Bus Timetable - Researcher 53864
Managing Director - Researcher 53864
Rap music - Gargleblaster
Working vacation - Gargleblaster
Head butt - Gargleblaster
Government worker - Gargleblaster
Act Naturally - Byzantine
American English - Byzantine
Artificial Reality - Byzantine
Baby Grand Piano - Byzantine
Black Light - Byzantine
Bottoms Up - Byzantine
British Fashion - Byzantine
Bureaucratic Efficiency - Byzantine
Cardinal Sin - Byzantine
Cost Free - Byzantine
Civil War - Byzantine
Congressional Ethics Committee - Byzantine
Constant Change - Byzantine
Criminal Justice - Byzantine
Down Escalator - Byzantine
Dress Pants - Byzantine
Dry Wine - Byzantine
Elementary Calculus - Byzantine
Freezer Burn - Byzantine
Fresh Frozen Food - Byzantine
Friendly Argument - Byzantine
Fuzzy Logic - Byzantine
Good Grief - Byzantine
Gourmet Pizza - Byzantine
Great Depression - Byzantine
Happily Married - Byzantine
Holy War - Byzantine
Hopelessly Optimistic- Byzantine
Idiot Savant - Byzantine
Industrial Park - Byzantine
Irate Patient - Byzantine
Jumbo Shrimp - Byzantine
Liquid Crystal - Byzantine
Live Recording - Byzantine
Marijuana Initiative - Byzantine
Old News - Byzantine
Original Copy - Byzantine
Partially Complete - Byzantine
Passive Resistance - Byzantine
Plastic Silverware - Byzantine
Politically Correct - Byzantine
Postal Service - Byzantine
Pretty Ugly - Byzantine
Random Selection - Byzantine
Second Best - Byzantine
Silent Alarm - Byzantine
Smart Bomb - Byzantine
Social Science - Byzantine
Soft Rock - Byzantine
Standard Deviation - Byzantine
Student Teacher - Byzantine
Sweet Sorrow - Byzantine
Terribly Nice - Byzantine
Unbiased Opinion - Byzantine
Fun Run - Researcher 53922
Dry Rain (what my Mum called drizzle) - Fish
friendly fire - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Girl Power (woman power - yes, girl power - non) - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Charm offensive - s-j (Researcher 53998)
sensitive male - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Mature student - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Land of the Free - Eulogy
True Lies - Eulogy
European Space Agency - Eulogy
stiff upper lip - Eulogy
freedom of speech - Eulogy

I bet you laughed your socks off after that little lot, eh? CITs are closely related to oxymorons. They may be the same thing, they may be drastically different, or they might be so similar that only people with too much time on their hands will argue about which is which. To be honest, I don't care, and neither should you.
So there.

Here's the final CIT article! Hope you like it. Safe sex was submitted so many times I lost count. Most cynical entry goes to Byzantine for 'Comgressional Ethics Committee'. Congratulations! And no, my admiration, is, I'm afraid, not exchangeable into any other currency. Article is complete now, but I'll make monthly updates if you wish to submit any more.

A contradiction in terms is a couple of words, usually comprising and adjective or two and a noun. Many are satirical, many just take the piss, but the best ones are the cynical ones.
American Military Intelligence - WowbaggerTIP
Childish innocence - WowbaggerTIP
Tactical Nuclear Missile - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Microsoft Works - WowbaggerTIP (thanks to Richard Rose)
Caring conservatism - Global Villiage Idiot
management - they rarely manage to show up, let alone manage anything worthwhile. - wsfn
safe sex - StevieBab
Near miss (A near miss is a hit, isn't it?) - The Magpie
falling between the cracks - Man in Shack
Bus Timetable - Researcher 53864
Managing Director - Researcher 53864
Rap music - Gargleblaster
Working vacation - Gargleblaster
Head butt - Gargleblaster
Government worker - Gargleblaster
Act Naturally - Byzantine
American English - Byzantine
Artificial Reality - Byzantine
Baby Grand Piano - Byzantine
Black Light - Byzantine
Bottoms Up - Byzantine
British Fashion - Byzantine
Bureaucratic Efficiency - Byzantine
Cardinal Sin - Byzantine
Cost Free - Byzantine
Civil War - Byzantine
Congressional Ethics Committee - Byzantine
Constant Change - Byzantine
Criminal Justice - Byzantine
Down Escalator - Byzantine
Dress Pants - Byzantine
Dry Wine - Byzantine
Elementary Calculus - Byzantine
Freezer Burn - Byzantine
Fresh Frozen Food - Byzantine
Friendly Argument - Byzantine
Fuzzy Logic - Byzantine
Good Grief - Byzantine
Gourmet Pizza - Byzantine
Great Depression - Byzantine
Happily Married - Byzantine
Holy War - Byzantine
Hopelessly Optimistic- Byzantine
Idiot Savant - Byzantine
Industrial Park - Byzantine
Irate Patient - Byzantine
Jumbo Shrimp - Byzantine
Liquid Crystal - Byzantine
Live Recording - Byzantine
Marijuana Initiative - Byzantine
Old News - Byzantine
Original Copy - Byzantine
Partially Complete - Byzantine
Passive Resistance - Byzantine
Plastic Silverware - Byzantine
Politically Correct - Byzantine
Postal Service - Byzantine
Pretty Ugly - Byzantine
Random Selection - Byzantine
Second Best - Byzantine
Silent Alarm - Byzantine
Smart Bomb - Byzantine
Social Science - Byzantine
Soft Rock - Byzantine
Standard Deviation - Byzantine
Student Teacher - Byzantine
Sweet Sorrow - Byzantine
Terribly Nice - Byzantine
Unbiased Opinion - Byzantine
Fun Run - Researcher 53922
Dry Rain (what my Mum called drizzle) - Fish
friendly fire - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Girl Power (woman power - yes, girl power - non) - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Charm offensive - s-j (Researcher 53998)
sensitive male - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Mature student - s-j (Researcher 53998)
Land of the Free - Eulogy
True Lies - Eulogy
European Space Agency - Eulogy
stiff upper lip - Eulogy
freedom of speech - Eulogy

I bet you laughed your socks off after that little lot, eh? CITs are closely related to oxymorons. They may be the same thing, they may be drastically different, or they might be so similar that only people with too much time on their hands will argue about which is which. To be honest, I don't care, and neither should you.
So there.

Mobil is close enough in pronounciation and meaning to Mobile.
Mobile "in a state of movement, or capable of moving"
Station "in a state of rest"

'Nuff said.

Yeah, but mobile is only pronounced mo-bil in America.
Here in good ol' blighty it's pronounced mo-bile (mo as in "Mo' Better Blues" and bile as in the green icky stuff produced by your digestive tract).

So I still think that "Mobil Station" does not constitute an oxymoron, because it doesn't actually mean anything - now if there were such things as "Mobile Stations", then we'd have something.

Still, that's just my opinion, and I'm not the one compiling the list!


Back to oxymorons though, what about "World Series Baseball" - when was the last time you saw a foreign team playing??


AndyF

I do believe the Toronto Blue Jays managed to win a couple of championships in the 80's....

Hmmm... perhaps there's room for a follow-up article on mixed metaphors... my favourite, by I-can't-remember-who, is "I have my back to the wall... there's nothing to do but turn around and fight."

Some politician, I seem to remember.

I would be willing to bet that that politician was Dan Quayle, who by accident and idiocy reigns as the funniest politician in US history. I have a whole pile of quotes...here's a sample:

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have is that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." (For my friends across the pond, Phoenix is the chief city in Arizona)

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit [as Earth]. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If there is oxygen, that means we can breathe."

Maybe Mr. Quayle has always been pulling our leg - these perhaps were attempts at humour. Just humour
not understood by the public watching him. Then again he could probably benefit from a good PR
consultant.

I have heard a few more quotes but don't remember them word for word. Perhaps we can invite
Dan to join H2G2 and come up with some more (if he's not already!).

Didn't they tell you in school to Always Read the Question!
I'm looking for Taughtologies - The Oposite of Oxymorons - hence the example - Fun Pub
Got it?
Good - now get thinking and send me some.

Isn't there an H2g2 page on Dan Quayle?

Yes, I did a search and found one.

I also remembered a quote - I had it on the whiteboard in my office as a motivational message for my team:

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure"

Did you know that Dan Quayle and ex-Pres. Bush are both members of the Delta Kappa Epsilon fraternity?