h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I strongly oppose to that statement. That is, I don't actually. You're perfectly correct, but you leave so much more left out. The good things. Like being splashed vast amounts of freezing water upon by the seaside, like scraping up poop from the beach of the same seaside and being dropped melting ice cream upon when trying to make the sun shine on various parts of your pale body.

Not in this country...well, not often anyway. You also forgot about the fact that having some will undoubtedly lead more of them to your abode. Leaving your darn neighbours with all the nice peace and quiet!

So basically, what we're saying is that you've never felt true envy until you get some kids, right? I've got two, and I love'em to death, but solitude is a memory only.

Reverse psychology. That's what works. Tell 'em not to do what you want 'em to and in a wink it's done. Well it only works after they've got past the wet and smelly stage and can talk and walk and stuff.
My bro-in-law totally ignored words like "poo" and "willy" and laughed out loud when they said "elbow" or "chin." This led to the little darlings looking directly into the faces of the people sitting behind them in church and saying "I can see your elbow" or "He's got a big chin" and bursting into fits of giggles.

That's hilarious! I hope my kids do that...

My god! That's SUCH a good idea! It's more fun than (theoretically) teaching swearwords to your friend's sister's Furby. Mind you, it might get them beaten up at school and permanently scar them emotionally too...which is a good thing I think. I have no kids, so I'm just going on instinct here.

It's been done, in a way. "You CAN'T eat up all your food, I won't allow it!" "Don't poop on the gymnasium floor!". It only works until a certain age, when they start being thankful for not being allowed to eat the vegetables or what have you...

If you want to get paranoid, impotent, sleep less than humanly required and spend a lot of money you don't need children. You could start using cocain it does about the same thing.

Children are WONDERFUL......slow roasted with LOTS of garlic!!!!!

Cocaine is the easy option! Having kids is a high, the work and worry the downer

I sit here with 6 teenagers in the next room.(only two actually live here) GOD I wish there was a door between us! They can make more noise over nothing than anything I've ever seen! My nerves have had it! My only optimistic point is soon they'll be grown........and gone. And peace will return!

And don't hit me with "the grandkids will be here then" thing......I already have four, and they are here WAY too much!

That's just my point( that it is the easy way), by using cocaine you have lots of time to enjoy the fact that you can't sleep and you can get the full benefit of your paranoia. Try doing that with a little tyrant hangin on your leg screamin' and .. well you get the idea.

Isn't post-natal abortion an option?

In that case, I totally agree!

This is very true....only today I had 7 of the little beggers around the place (including my own 2 of course). It felt like 27 though!

uh, "then they get smelly and loud" . . . I thought they started out that way and stayed that way??? I'm so confused . . .

Abortion should be legal 'till they are age 18........at leasr!

I'm thinking retroactive abortion?

The saving grace to the rug rat problem is eventually they become functional, between 5 & 6 you have ready made slaves.

In their first months they're not very loud, and the diapers are fairly unodoured. Since they're breastfed, it kinda smells like yoghurt. It's when they start eating proper food that hell on earth is a fact. This is also the time when they get louder, mostly to point out that the proper food doesn't seem very bleedin' proper to them...

I think the comparing between children and cocaine has a point. I'm addicted to my children, can't be away from them too long. That is the diabolic scheme behind their prescense in this world. I wish I could have that same effect on, say, Sandra Bullock...