h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

...is friendliness.

I've never been comfortable with this thing called etiquette. Politeness should be a natural and spontaneous. When formalised, it can become exclusive. There's no such thing as a friendly snob, is there?

Talking about chivalry is a bit silly. Chivalry was a code of courtly behaviour in medieval times, and it existed at the very top of an extremely hierarchical society. Chivalry meant being gracious towards the few while shunning the many. Why should anyone want to reintroduce that?

That final question about examples of personal rudeness similarly misses the point for me. Yes, I have been rude many times, to many people, and on most of those occasions the biggest loser was surely me. The failures of politeness I really feel ashamed about are different. They are the times when I was conventionally polite, but failed to be a friend in need.

So the whole idea of etiquette seems to me to be founded on a wrong premise. It supposes that studied politeness is a form of consideration for others. If those others crave welcoming kindness, though, it's anything but considerate.

Very interesting point that. Etiquette as a disguise for actually not bothering to give a damn.
Most 18th century and early 19th century literature contains people who are delightfully polite while harbouring foul intent (someone's going to ask for an example now!).
How many times has a bank manager told me VERY politely that I can't have any more money?
GJ

"Etiquette as a disguise for actually not bothering to give a damn."

I think this is connected. I don't do formal politeness except as a nonsense thing or ... when really, really, angry.

It's not a disguise, someone on the receiving end would know. I think it's to do with being very focused, precise and leaving no room for misunderstanding or diversion.

Your comments on etiquette remind me of a line in a Terry Pratchett book. It said something like "etiquette is for them that has no manners". (Quoted from memory, I think from Nanny Oggs Cookbook but I would not like to ruin the habits of a lifetime and be accurate.)