h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[You are in a maze of twisty passages, all alike. They consist of endless corridors with doors, and a white floor, walls, and ceiling. Dylan and the Keymaker enter from F26140?thread=327579 at the Cafe.]

[Dylan] Well, okay, I guess we need to find them again. Now where were we?

[They walk a bit.]

[Keymaker] Here, you go through that door. [shoves Dylan through to F107600?thread=245045]

[Dylan] Hey --

[Keymaker] [slams the door] There we go ... [opens the door to F127150?thread=349843 and sticks his head in]

*Affy4 steps in and staggers at his surroundings*

Affy4-What labyrinth is this?

[The door closes]


[Vegeta] Whoops!


[Keymaker] It is a plot contrivance. Each door leads to somewhere else. I am the Keymaker; it is my purpose to create the keys that open the doors leading here.

[Yar] Y'mean there are certain doors open to here, and they're locked?

[Keymaker] [raises a key] No. Any door can be used, so long as it has a lock.

[Yar] Great. Can you take us back home?

[Keymaker] First, I must locate your friends.

*Affy4 looks at the doors suspiciously*

Affy4-Canst thou send me back to mine own period of time, as well as to the land of Quendor? If not, simply place me in any place of thine choosing. I shall make my way home.

[Keymaker] I'm afraid I can't send you back through time ... though that door [points to a much smaller one labeled F26840?thread=198569] will lead you to a donut stall.

[Yar] ... To the /stall/.

[Keymaker] ... Yes.

Affy4-A stall of donuts? Hmmmm....I was questing for more of a space-port, but this should do.

[Keymaker] It should be easy to get to a spaceport from there.

[Yar] So, now what do /we/ do?

[Bass] I wanna find the rest of the STUMPED crew.

[Yar] ... Oh, might as well.

Affy4-Now then, Yar, STUMPED helped a great deal during this quest.

[Bass] Add that to the fact that you've got two of the more powerful robots of STUMPED /right here/ ...

[Yar] ... You make a compelling argument.


[Vegeta] I give up. These guys don't take themselves seriously enough!

[Keymaker] Anyway ... this way leads to a series of corridors that lead to elevators ...

[They arrive at a hallway consisting entirely of elevator doors, each of which has only one button. The Keymaker indicates one marked F127150?thread=346412 and Bass pushes the button.]

*In keeping with continuity, One very electrocuted and dazed Corrupt meanders out an opened elevator door, followed by the toppling of a granite statue of Lenin, halfway out the elevator and barring the doors from closing. Kudos and Evil-Affy5 are still inside*

[Yar] Whuh-oh ...

[The Keymaker can be heard babbling from inside]

*Corrupt's conciousness snaps back into her body, only to find that said body is in rather bad shape, being caught on the bad side of a collapsed Lenin statue. Thankfully the statue gets hit by the blast aimed at her, but Kudos doesn't seem nearly as lucky. He seemingly blinks out of existence, and Corrupt wonders what he could possibly have turned into...

...a question soon answered by a shower of green feathers as anti-Affy5 apparently tries to beatdown on the Kudos-bird, who is trying to escape the elevator, squacking loudly.*

*The Lenin statue, having gotten hit for a second time, turns into a greyish-blue tiger shark: A fearsome animal, indeed, were it not the fact that it's literally a fish out of water. Well, not so much a fish. But there ain't any water, nevertheless. NYC-shark flops about in agony, which is more than can be said for the hapless Corrupt caught under him*

*Corrupt angrily shoves the flopping shark off of her, into the elevator, before she gets even more injury from the Blaster's unpleasant side-effects. Must reflect personality, or somethin. She then painfully gets up and looks at her surroundings, but doesn't really care about them, so she watches the elevator.*

*NYC-shark, for lack of anything else to do, takes a big bite at evil-Affy5. If he's going to suffocate to death, it might as well be during lunchtime...*

[Bass] I'll take that as a yes. All right ...

[He aims one arm cannon at Anti-Affy5, and the other at Kudos.]

[Bass] Somebody had better tell me what's going on NOW!


[Vegeta] [as Bass] "... or else I'm gonna go Super Saiyan on somebody's aft!"

[Bulma] Aft?

[Trunks] Rear end.

*Corrupt whirls around, wondering in the back of her mind how it's possible to aim at the wildly-flapping Kudos-bird, repeatedly dive-bombing at anti-Affy.*

Well, if you can find that out, Bass, you tell me.

*She turns and wanders down the corridor, examining random doors.*

*Anti-Affy5 is, apparently, a fan of Worst-Case Scenario Handbook situations just like the real Affy5, and is more than capable of leaping over the shark and into the corridor. He stares at the blaster being aimed at him by the robot and grins*

Anti-Affy5-I think that I can fill you in. Now that I'm out of such a confined place, I am officially your worst nightmare.

*He looks around the hallway and his grin widens*

I remember this place....I saw it when I almost took control of this Universe. You there, Keymaster, how do I get to the door that will lead me to....oh, so many options....which is closer, the Empire Of Thaltaria in the Andromeda Galaxy, the Mirror Zone of the Horsehead Nebula, Dinotopia's Waterfall City or The Grand Repository Of Knowledge in the Clintstar Expanse? If I can get to one of those four places, I'll gladly leave all of you people for the time being.