h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ooer! headlocked with pointy and blasty things aimed at me.
Will nobody help me?
*Shuffles self over to stool so he can sit down while waiting for someone to do a rescue... or die.*

*Bursts in dramatically, cape flapping*

Fear not, my fair lady! I am...er...Vestie? Why are you waiting to be saved by a knight in shining armor like a weak fairy?

*Kudos gets bored and blasts a clock off the wall. 1s and 0s bounce to the floor. Then he goes back to pointing the Blaster at the captive hero.*

*Sticks finger in end of blaster so he can't be interrupted while talking to Duke*
Oh, I can get out of this quite easily. It's just I haven't seen another hero for a bit and this was a great opportunity for a chat.
*Scratches vest to release smell of roasting food to delight the taste buds and force people to head for the nearest cafe/restaurant*
Fancy a bite TCO?

(Redfox chews on Vestboys vest itself, out of desperation to not head to a cafe` and keep Vestboy in the headlock)

...hmmm...

(He appears to have found a gravy stain, which evidently tastes pretty good)

Yer comin' with us, vestie!

*With his free hand, Kudos dons a black-and-white jester hat that neatly fits over his spikes, and becomes... THE BLACK JESTER *

Forsooth, I cannot be hungry at such an hour. This may, indeed, be the triumph of evil at hand; I dare not miss my part in it.

*to Red Fox* Whereto shalt we be off to, old friend?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/alabaster/F110854?thread=616294&post=6783697#p6783697 in a poof of smoke.

Damnation! The passing of the years has made the stains on Vesties vest wear out, rendering it impossible to track him down nasally in the corridors of evil.

What do giraffes smell like?

I'll have you know that my vest still whiffs like a good'un.
I've stopped many a person in their tracks with my vestly goodies!

*scritch scratches various stains to give the aroma of come and talk to me and stop being so standoffish*

Wow! That smells just like a Big King XXL with garlic dip and extra fries!

*Unscratches the extra fries*
I'm putting you on a diet.

It doesn't work, Vestie. Not in two years. I think you'd better come home.

The problem with my diet is that it has food in it and I hate eating on an empty stomach.