This is the Message Centre for Mal

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Post 1

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

hello! Azahar said i should drop in and say hello. So i shall... she said something about having simialr problems or something. Anyway, just thought id say pop in for a drink or something anytime( im presently updating my drinks cabinet, so any requests and i'll add them in). It'd be nice to talk...

Anyway... take care
smiley - blackcat x


No Subject

Post 2

Mal

Maybe we do have similar problems - I have quite a few, so you tell me what yours are and we'll try and figure out what she was talking about smiley - biggrin


okie

Post 3

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

smiley - smiley well, thats a similarity to start with i guess... some of my problems Az doesnt know about yet, but...

I suffer from SAD and clinical depression and have done for about 4 years. I had a termination about 2 months ago (which is how me and Az got talking). I used to self harm until 44 weeks ago. I find it hard to cry infront of people and show my emotions, but at the moment i cant seem to stop crying. Im really insecure and im scared... really scared. And i cant seem to walk down the street without getting my heart broken by something or someone.

The bits Az doesnt know is that i've been r**** by my ex boyfriend 3 times between the ages of 13 and 15, and stabbed by him too smiley - bruised . Hes in prison, but he gets out in september. Im 17 now.

I cant believe ive just said all that, coz it comes across like im complaining, but... you asked, so we'll see what happens, i guess...

smiley - blackcat
xx


okie

Post 4

Mal

r****? I'm probably being really stupid but I can't see what you meant. I tried to kill myself. I apparently suffer from manic depression and bipolar disease. And my ex-girlfriend had an abortion.


okie

Post 5

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

r**** = raped. I dont like to say it coz it brings alot back.

Why did you try to kill yourself? Or was that connected to depression? Do you mind me asking bout this stuff? When your ex had a termiantion, what was it like for you? My heads abit messed ritght now and im trying to talk to my boy about it, but he wont talk about it. Im stuck. I havent a clue how he feels or anything. And then we were in bed yesterday and we were hugging and doing stuff (not sex) and i started crying and im so confused...

sorry

if you're interested, this is the stroy of my termination. I posted it here coz i needed to say it to someone and no one would listen A1104049


okie

Post 6

Mal

Very annoying, I just got halfway through replying and my PC crashed.
Don't apologise unless you've something to apologise for. I do, so I'm very sorry for not realising and bringing it back up.
I tried to kill myself because her friends and my friends were blaming everything on me, and I didn't have any say in what happened at all. I was just told, look, it's your fault, she doesn't want an abortion so you're going to have to live with her for the rest of your life. Also, at the time I was coming off some soft drug use, alcohol and cigarettes and marijuana, so that low combined with my depression didn't help. I live in a family of six kids and my parents are barely alive, and I didn't want us to end up like them.
I was so busy being upset that when everyone finally said it was over, I didn't know what had happened. I was half an hour away from killing myself when she texted me saying it was over. Some people told me that she'd admitted to making it up for attention, but she denied it.
How did I feel? I'm three months into my first new relationship, and I completely love the girl I'm going out with, but it's very difficult for me to have physical contact with her, or to think about sex and things. It's something I'm only just starting to get over. I'm scared about what might happen if I get close to someone again. Maybe he's like that too, he's just not showing it.
Maybe you should give him some time. Or perhaps get him a little drunk and try to talk to him, and maybe he'll find it easier.

I don't mind talking about it. I've moved on and so has life. If you're uncomfortable, just say. And I read your story, and I'd like to say that it was very touching and beautiful.


okie

Post 7

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

Dont apologise... i guess i should have explained better. Im sorry to here that was what made you want to kill yourself. It must have been horrible to have people saying that to you. But its not your fault. How come she had an abotion in the end if she didnt want it? I guess i was the opposite. I didnt give my b/f the option of keeping it. He says he wouldnt have wanted it, but i'll never know for sure.

How long did the arguing last then? Im interested, but im not sure what to ask...?

Im glad you found someone new, and i hope it goes well. Does she know? Thanks for reading the story... ive updated the ending about 10 mins ago and so it goes on...

btw sorry if im sporadic with my responses, I cant get my net at home isnt working very well...


okie

Post 8

Mal

Don't apologise smiley - biggrin...
I don't think she was pregnant at all. Most people agree with me from what little evidence we had.
Which arguing?
She knows, but she doesnt want to hear the details. I can't really blame her.
Oh I see it's in-progress thing. I'll keep checking on it then.


okie

Post 9

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

maybe it would be easier to thinnk she wasnt pregnant then... but why would she lie? That must be one of the most hurtful things in the world to lie about. How old was she? or u?

I ment the arguing, as in people telling you it was your fault and upsetting you so much. You said your friends had a go?... what happened? Friends shouldnt do that...

smiley - kisssmiley - blackcat x


okie

Post 10

Mal

She's a vengeful junkie who loved me without being loved in return. We were both around, ah, fifteen and a half. Only a few months ago.
Friends shouldn't, but we're living in a post-feminist age of documentaries. People nowadays assume the male is always wrong. I was blamed for everything, despite the fact that I didn't even want to have sex. Most of my friends were going out with her friends, so they persuaded eachother. I couldn't say anything that would make anyone believe me except two of my friends.


okie

Post 11

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

The vengeful junkie! Eek... you can never force some one to love you... ever. I guess, as long as you know that your not wrong, it'll all be ok and work out peachy. Sorry you had to go through it though. If you didnt want sex, then i have alot of respect for you. Most guys only want that, ive been with enough of them and i always got hurt for it. Then i find a guy who i do want to be with and get pregnant... too much bad luck... smiley - cry I dont get why girls can be so evil and bitter too....


okie

Post 12

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

r u ok? smiley - hug


okie

Post 13

Mal

Sorry, I had an obligation to go on an unenjoyable holiday in Majorca with my family, and I forgot to tell the Hootoo world about it.

"I don't get why girls can be so evil and bitter too..." What I've learnt, after being screwed over by women, bought up by women, hanging out with women, and loving women, is this: basically, the only differences between women and men are biological. We're the same basic mind. Women will always be obsessed with fashion and appearances not because they're silly or different mentally, but because their hair grows faster and doesn't fall out at old age, and so it needs tying up etc, and because they have a "private" part of their body halfway up it, so they need to cover it up, etc etc.

I hope it works out peachy keen, or I'll be severely annoyed at God.
Many guys want sex for the same reason that girls want other stuff. It's biological. Basically, humans were engineered by evolution or whatever to produce more humans by sex, and males were traditionally the active partner in sex, so they needed motivation. Whenever their prostate and whatever fills up or they aren't having enough sex, chemicals make this known to the rest of the body loudly, until intercourse is reached. It's all basic biology. I'm sorry that all the blokes you met were total d*ckheads, but don't judge all guys by that.


okie

Post 14

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

Majorca cant have been that bad! Should i ask this? How were the exam results?

Nah - i agree that men and women are all alike. But on a non physical level there are some differences, not sex, women think about sex as much as blokes do, maybe more (unless im an abnormality). I mean along things like, a blokes ego will always be bigger than a girls and she will always be more insecure because of history. Yeah - we fought for womens rights, but there are still aspects around today. Im not making feminist arguement here about it not being equal, coz it is, but i mean that men always used to look after women and were more dominant, so they needed to appear stronger to women, while women used to be so scared of getting htings wrong.. does that make sense.

I assume you're referring to boobs there? Can i use that word on hootoo? Where by i'll correct you, women dont feel the need to cover them up as much as you think - look at the numbers of women who sunbath topless. The reason for bras and stuff is that it is really uncomfortable not to where them. They hurt when you run and wobble everywhere and its not good. Since the corsets went out of fashion, its been verrrrrry hard tofind a decent bra that works....

It was my 10 month relationship pont yesterday and my boy who is at the Leeds Festival didnt even text me, so im feeling alittle hurt right now... arguing that he hasnt any battery power mostly. I know he has credit coz i was there when he put some on....

My best friend is male, so dont fret that i judge all men like that. Im ajust a little warey of them now. I know alot of t*ss*rs but that doesnt mean i dont know some adorable blokes too, and i know so hellish women too. I know i cant just stereotype like that...

Meanwhile, how are you?


okie

Post 15

Mal

It's overbalanced now, femistically. This is speaking as a teenage boy. Girls moan about everything, and blame much of it on sexism.
Boobs HURT when you move without support?!
I know how you feel, kinda. I had no signal in Spain, so I couldn't talk to my girlfriend, and now I'm back she's in Reading without me. I keep getting really paranoid that she's having an affair or dumping me or something.
Since when do women think about sex more than men?


okie

Post 16

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

Girls moan about everything yes... unless they've had a life changing ecperience. Then they dont. I dont believe there is much re sexism against women anymore, but i think racism is terrible. And i speak from experience - i frequently get abuse just coz i look foreign. I have mediterranian colouring...

BIG boobs hurt. differnce. ie C/D cup upwards. Ima DD/E so mine do hurt...

Dont worry about your girl. If shes as great as you feel she is dont be insecure about her. Chances are she likes you as much as you like her. Wahts she like?

I take back wot i sed about women thinking about sex more. Lesbians and Bi ladies think about it more or as much as men. Straight ladies dont. I think that makes sense...

xxx


okie

Post 17

Mal

Yup, that makes sense.
And I agree - if we could somehow take all racism out of the minds of man, wars would disappear from history.
So do they constantly hurt if you take your bra off, or just for a while or what?
My girlfriend, hmm. Red hair, brown eyes. Tempermental, lovely, funny.. there's not really much original stuff there that hasn't been said by many before, and there's certainly nothing unbiased. But I find it difficult to believe that she loves me as much as I love her.
Hah, yeah, I didn't think that women thought about it as much as many men...


okie

Post 18

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

No - they dont hrt constantly... *men - mention boobs and they get all interested*... they hurt before your period regardless of bras and they urt if you move alot withut a bra... Maybe you can answer this - why do men like boobs?

Mmm - ur girlfriend sounds very pretty... dark red hair? I like dark red hair with brown eyes, or brown hair and green eyes... or pale skin, brown hair and blue eyes... If shes going out with you she likes u hun... but love is different. You can never measure that from person to person coz it depends on who they are and whats inside... but dont worry.

Dont u *hah* me! There's still some women and some men who dont think about it... (i hope)

smiley - hug


okie

Post 19

Mal

"Men... mention boobs and they get all interested"... nope. I just like finding out as much as I can about anything, and things like that you don't get told and can never ask, so...
Why do men like boobs? I think it's the shape of them - they make the woman more curvy - and the way they move and stuff like that. I'm not really qualified to answer that, though, since after the pregnancy thing I've become practically asexual.
Dark red hair, yeah. I don't really like light red. Very pale skin, almost as pale as mine... freckles...
I wish I could find out how much she likes me, but I'll never be able to trust her answer cos she could just be making me feel better, and I'm her first boyfriend, so she's got nothing to compare me to.
Like I said... practically asexual these days... if it helps, although (well, at least the ones I hang around with and know) value love and stuff more than sex, they just can't act like it or they get flack from friends.


okie

Post 20

Patron Saint of Kittens... aka Pantherlady THE Werepanther of h2g2 and Queen of BBNs

hmmm - u like to find out stuff... well, if theres anything i can inform you on feel free to ask, because i dont mind how odd things are.

Curves... whats sso attractive about them? (sorry - this may lead into a long string of questions, but i am honestly curious). I get what you say about not being qualified to ask, but if you feel love for your girl then you're not as asexual as you think!

You're her first boy? then yes she probably likes you alot, because the first is like a mile stone that everyone else is assessed to. How old is she then? if you dont mind?


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