h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

PBS is a service that has its foundation firmly rooted in Lucifer. Only a truly Satanic influence could come up with a phantasmagoric creature like Big Bird who can teach children how to read alchemy books by the age of six years, six months, and six days.

Really? Damn, I must have missed all the good episodes!

All I remember is that jazzy "One two three *four* five, six
*seven* eight nine ten, eleven twelve!" song.

Ah, but you missed the subtle purpose of the song itslef. No doubt the counting of numbers
had the intent of resurrecting some horribly evil creature with powers super natural from the bowels of Hell. Grover perhaps?

You know, Yoda is really grover as an old man. ...I'm serious man.

With far more impaired linguistic skills

Well, he _is_ over 800 years old. I'd think the brain would just kind of fill up with stuff by then and get in the way of your communications skills.

Nah, the speech center and memory recall are two distinctly separate areas of the brain. I personally
think that he has Alzheimer's.

I'm sure the fact that he's DEAD doesn't help much either.

You do have a point there...

Forgive the lexical error. I think he HAD Alzheimer's or at least its physiological equivalent.

That would explain it!!!! Now how does he lift all of those heavy objects just by lifting his arm?

hydraulic lift operated via remote control attached to his wrist

And a lot of fishing string as well. You can't go wrong with fishing string.

I've gone wrong with fishing string.

Yes, you were led astray. Dare I say, strung along.

Someone must have thrown you a ... red herring...

True, but I had a whale of a time.

Ok...Now we've just gotten entirely too silly. I'm putting a stop to this bit o' diologue right here and now. All right boys, pack it up!

You know, that little drum beat they always do after someone tells a bad joke. 'Ba-dum-bum tssh!' That's a rimshot.

Sounds naughty, doesn't it? "Rimshot". Like something Cartman's mother would know about. "Well dear, that's when you put your legs behind your head and..."