h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ha! While you were thinking again (which does take some time) I have moved the Giraffe-VCR to a secret location. I have also wrapped sticky-tape to yor legs. One false move and I pull!

Usual maniacal laugh here.

*Thinks: Has he been reading my journal?*
You need to invite some friends round before you pull that tape - if you've got the guts!
It'll make a noise like velcro but you won't hear it over the noise that I'll be making.

Okay, I'm off to get reinforcements.
Don't you dare move, Vestboy! We will remove that sticky tape. We may even find a way of making it less painful ... depending upon how much you cooperate.

< Comes running in, bearing his mighty Zippo ahead of him >

I have come to save you Vestboy! Olaf is busy digesting Kebab and Petal is still honing his daffodil weilding skills while Leeloo is busy looking at revealing photos of Bruce Willis from the stock footage of Armageddon. The Duke of Dunstable is busy grooming, I think.

I see I have arrived in time (for once) before Evil Giraffe had a chance to bring more of his evil henchmen to finish this evil deed.

I will now use my adept burning ability to deftly remove the tape from your legs by melting it, without even singing a hair. (singing...that doesn't look right...it looks like your leg-hair is part of a choir...how do you spell that word that means to burn hair?)

Anyway...back to the tape removal.

Erm....This may take a while...do you have a chess set in that magic vest of yours?

woa...html error on that last message....

I meant to say that I was brandishing my Zippo, beginning to deftly burn away the tape from Vestboy's legs...I guess I'll refrain from using the < and > symbols for actions anymore....

Those babel fish can be buggy sometimes.

Look with the amount of leg hair I've got I don't care if you singe some of it off. When you have finished "singeing" we can get back and warn the others of the dangers of letting people tape your legs together - against your will, of course.

Of course, taping bits of your anatomy down willingly can feasibly entertain large groups of people for hours on end. (I read your journal too)

Oh, and thanks for telling me how to spell singeing right...you'd think as an English major I could do that on my own...guess I'm not quite ready for publication yet.

Maybe not but I'm sure your book is. Do you have a copy for perusal?

The book I am currently in the process of writing is, well, in the process of being written. If you're really interested, I could possibly send you a copy of the first few pages to give you a taste of what's to come.

You do however have to promise to burn it (with a trusty Zippo lighter) after you are done reading it, of course. I wouldn't want anyone to steal my ideas, you know. Especially that Douglas Adams guy...he's probably just waiting for a good tidbit of creativity to crawl within his grasp so he can snatch it up and call it his own. That's probably why he made this site in the first place...to spawn much creativity and then....BAM....steal it from under our noses.

Just kidding Doug...if you're reading this. I'm sure that's not your plan at all. *whispers to fellow "super" heroes,* "I think he's the mastermind behind all of Evil Giraffe's plots...we must be cautious"

Right, I'm back. The reinforcemnts are on their way and ... hang on, Vestboy has escaped! Fie on my evil cohorts' tardiness!

Again....Ha Ha Ha! We of the relatively good doers have foiled your plot, relatively evil doer!

re-enforcements r here now giraffe, no need 2 worry, 4 i am curled up into a rusty ball ready 2 roll
away in fear!

We're close, rusty. Watch them blunder around trying to foil our plans when all the time they are the puppets and we hold the strings. Soon we shall cut those strings. Who first, rusty? Who first?

Bwa-ha-ha

Remember Pinocchio! Or was it the Alamo?

Anyway here I am in two places at once. What's that ball looking thing doing in the corner trembling?

Anyway don't bother me now I'm expecting the first pages of a manuscript.
* Checks post box, drums fingers on table, walks up and down, checks post box again.*

Vestboy, your powers are weak. This battle is being fought over 4 forums. This does not bode well for you and your super "friends"!

bwahahahaha

Nobody told me about the fourth dimension! I'll have to go to your page and see where you've been. Sorry don't read that last bit.
*aside* Judge, judge can I have it written out of the transcript, please?
Anyway, my powers aren't weak - I've just got a cold s'all. I could fight you with my eyes tied behind my back. I've got hands in the back of my head!

Useful for self-phrenology, I dare say.

Damn, I came hot footing it with a scalding hot cup of tea ready to fling, and Vestboy, who clearly needs to be taught the error of his goody two shoes ways, appears to have pegged it. By the time I catch him up and give him a derformity to turn him to the Bad side, the tea will have cold. (Or I'll have drunk it). Lucky I have a thermos with me eh?

Thermos's are good. Everyone says so. Now then I need to ask if you put the milk in first and refer you to a totally separate forum.

Am I here on my own again? Alright I'm going to nail something to this handy signpost.
*FX nail being hit into wood, through paper with underpant elastic gun with largw flyswat under arm.*

There they'll all be able to read that. I wrote especially slowly for those that don't read so fast.