h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Cornelius is my house plant.

I won him in a trivia game a few years back, quite by chance. He was lovely with purple flowers and bright green leaves.

I was scared for poor Cornelius. He was so pretty…and I shouldn’t be allowed pretty things…I break them

Over the years sweet Corny has tried his best to survive. I suppose a lot of people would’ve given up at some point…there were periods where all he was was dark brown leaves…I kept feeding him water and encouragement, because that was all I knew how to do…

But he always managed to stay somewhere close to alive, even if he never flowered again after he lost his first lot…I think he always tried because he knew that I loved him and that I really tried my hardest…bless his sweet planty heart .

The last couple of months have been very strange for me…mainly because I’ve been happy, and mainly because happiness terrifies me…so I don’t know if it’s a result of the “being happy”, or the residual “scared of not being happy”…but lately Cornelius has been getting stronger…more green leaves…more than I’ve seen for well over a year.

And this morning I went to give him water, and his little purple flower face was there, smiling and saying hello

How is it that the Higher Powers always know when you need help ?

thats lovely!!!

i allways seem to kill house plants... er... i dont mean to, and i'm quite sad when they do die.

but i'm glad to hear your happy tanzen, and that your little planty friend is looking well

You know there are people in the world who are scared of sucess, because they think it means they're going to die?

I think I'm one of those people ...

But I have noticed that, when I am feeling terrible, even if it's for no reason (we have a team of doctors on it as we speak ) people will always turn up...and things will happen, like little Corny and his flower...

Someone must like me

well i dont know about someone tanzen, but i like you!

"...bless his sweet planty heart."

Thanks Arisztid, that's always nice to know !

Cornelius really is a trooper...he tries so hard to make me happy...

Unlike Bob.

Bob is my office plant...he hates me and lives purely to spite me

aww... sorry to hear about bob...

and sorry tanzen should have told you sooner, but it seems its somehting that doesnt get said enough...

Stupid Bob

The girl I started working here with bought it...and then she left, and the girl who took over from her took him...and then *she* left, and the girl who took over for *her* took him...when *she* left, I got stuck with Bob...

...Now, I still talk to two of those girls, so they didn't leave because of me...so I think that Bob is bad luck

No need to apologise...I'm probably the worst culprit for not telling people how I feel

if bobs bad luck i think you should get rid of him straight away!!!

But he knows how I am about living things...I couldn't kill him intentionally

Give him to someone, as a gift.

...

...someone you don't like much.

good idea jerms!!!

*Bows* Thank you. This good idea was brought to you by the letter: "Owowowowow! Gedditoffgedditofffff!!wahahahahhh!"

I would feel guilty putting that bad karma on anyone else...all I can do is wait til he dies of old age

*tries to imagine a potplant with a cane propped under one leaf*

*...and little flecks of grey around the stem.*

And I will be in the rocking chair next to him, prodding him with *my* cane and goading him

now then theres a thing going on here a plant and higher self mmmhmmmm dogey to me lmao

Switch Cornelius and Bob! It'll be like a vacation for Corny and Bob will be so confused he might just straighten up and fly right!

That's a good idea actually...Bob's strength is that he knows I can't hurt him at work...but if I took him home...with no one to watch over him....

don't do it Tanzen, you'll only feel guilty afterwards