h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

One I have to tell you before I forget concerning being an evacuee.
One morning Mrs Campbell (the lady we were billeted with) sent my cousin Tommy and I down to the next farm with a sort of bucket to collect some milk .
Dutifully we went on our way to walk the half mile or so to the farm.

There the farm hand took the bucket from us and began milking the cow straight into our bucket .
When he was done he asked us if we would like to take a drink from the bucket .

'What!?'said Tommy and myself in unison,'do you think we are daft ? There is no way under the sun we are going to drink cow's pee. '
Tommy Mac

have a great many .I dont know where to start.But here is a synopsis which i can spread out a good bit more if interested / On 3rd September 1939 ,the day the war started ,I was 9 years old.
My father being a Territorail Soldier was called to the Army at 9.am .Two hours before the war was declared.
He came into my room dressed in his uniform carrying his rifle ,put his arms around me and said 'well son ,thats me away to the sojers' . I didnt see him again for three whole years .
The same day.we were notified to attend at our school and to bring only whatever was necessary .As my sister was only 3 ,my mother was allowed to go with us and we were packed away to be evacuated to a village in Perthshire called Ballinluig .
Here I was seperated from my mother ,but that is another story if your friend is interested . So on the one day I lost my father , my mother and my home, even though it was a tenement building in Glasgow .
All this I was told was to save us from the dangers of war .Yet 9 years later I was conscripted into the army ,sent overseas wher I lost my leg as a result of 'active service'
Much more if required
Tommy Mac

Now you have got me going / I must tell you of another incident .
It was when the Yanks were billeted over here in Glasgow at Abbotsinch Airlield near Paisley.
Anyway they loved their movies as you will no doubt be aware .
But the only time off they had was on a Sunday/at that time it was against the law for a cinema to open for profit .So a well known Glasgow eccentric named A.E.Pickard ,who owned the Norwood Cinema in St Georges Road used to open it to everyone for what he called 'a silver collection' .
It was a con made for we young fly guys .We used to take an old farthing and cover it in silver foil to pretend it was sixpence ,throw it in the tub and made our way into the cinema but dont tell anyone . I believe you have got me started on something ,so tell me when to stop.
Tommy Mac

MAY 7th 1945 .The most memorable day in my life. V.E.Day .The war was over .
Like every other city in Britain ,Glasgow was bursting with excitement .We knew the war was over and were just awaiting official confirmation.
Then ,in the morning came the voice over the radio of Winston Churchill. Words to the effect of:- 'Although the enemy in the Far East has yet to be conquered the war in Europe is now over ,God Save The King'.
The entire city went a little mad .Works and schools were closed for the day .It was a day of celebration! I was 14 at the time and wanted to join these celebrations too, but not by myself. I looked around and took up with the nearest female at hand .
She was an older girl . Perhaps 16 or so. Still she was to be my companion for the rest of the day. We made our way hand in hand from where we lived in the Cowcaddens part of the city in order to find the main celebration in George Square .
Every street we went through was holding some party or another .
The tram-cars in Hope Street were filled with Servicemen of all Nationalities .American,Canadian, Australian,European .All of them commandeering the trams and singing and dancing up and down the length of Hope Street ,singing all kinds of songs I had never heard before .
But at the bottom of the street the dance was the 'Eightsome Reel' this of course took precedence over all the other carousing .This was Scotland's National Dance, although everyone could join in .
The music was relayed from the old Kemsley House ,former home of the Glasgow Daily Record who also supplied the lighting for the parade . To see the lights go on again was a miracle in itself .
I didnt see too many drunks ,now that I think on it.There was no need . The spirits were lifted high enough as it was .
It was quite wonderful to see all the men and women in uniform hugging ,kissing and generally flirting with the civilian population.
During all this time I never once let go of my companion's hand .I danced with her ,hugged her .kissed her too, I dont know how many times .
I never did find out what her second name was . All I knew was ,her name was Norah,my lovely Norah.
In all my life I have never forgotten her,And although we were as close to being intimate as was possible ,there was never any impropriety .We actually stayed togrther until 4.00 am ,when we finally kissed and said goodbye each hugging the other .I have never seen her again,and to this day and I wonder ssometimes whether or not Norah remembers as well .My lovely Norah,with you I shared the most memorable day in my life .My thanks forever to you.
Tommy Mac








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To tell the srory of how I lost my mother on the same day as my father ,I must lay down some background to set up the story.
As I said,we lived in a tenement in Glasgow, but it was a fairly big tenement . Two rooms and a kitchen. This was condidered quite luxurious and not at all overcrowded.
In the kitchen was a recess bed ,or as we called it 'the hole in the wall bed'.My Dad and my Uncle Tommy were brothers ,and my Mum and my Aunty Mary were sisters .The two brothers married the two sisters,so we were all like a complete family.I was the oldest, age 9 .The other Tommy(my cousin)was 8 ,my younger sister,Betty was 7 ,my other cousin Michael was 6, leaving my then youngest sister Mary age just 3 .So when my Dad was called up ,my Uncle Tommy ,being a Marine engineer was kept back as his was a deferred occupation. So! Upon evacuation my mother was put in charge of the 5 children .This was until we arrived at our destination ,Ballinluig .
From there we were marched to a nearby hall in the village of Logerate and the locals walked around and hand picked whatever evacuees they wanted .
At this point ,someone discovered that Tommy and Michael were brothers and therefore a seperate family fom ours .
So of course they were seperated from us .But Michael began screaming and shouting ,'I want to stay with my Auntie Lizzie (my Mum).He screamed so much that the authorities decided it was best to let him stay with my mother and, as I was the oldest(I was 9 ) Then I should be evacuated along with my cousin Tommy.
Thus it was I was taken from my mother and placed in the home of a Mr and Mrs Campbell ,leaving her with two evacuees named Tommy Mc Sorley.
So What did they do ? They decided to call me 'Big Tommy' as I was the oldest and the other was of course 'Wee Tommy ' .
Now despite this being 64 years ago .To this day I am called 'Big Tommy. and the other is still 'Wee Tommy'.
To make things more confusing ,I am just 5'2''tall and Tommy is 5''8'' .
But that is how Mrs Campbell ended up with two evacuees named Tommy Mc Sorley and how I got seperated from my mother .
Tommy Mac

To carry on in the same theme .(Its funny how one memory triggers off another)
At this time I worked as a delivery boy age 13 ,as was allowed during the war , for a Baker's Company called Scotts Bakery in High Craighall Road (by the way, this was also the street where my first ever love lived )
Now part of our delivery sometimes was to the aforesaid Abbotsinch Airport . The cookhouse was manned entirely by black American Air Force personnel . This was the first time in my life I had ever met a black person.
After making my deliveries of bread I was standing looking around when I was lifted bodily by a giant of a man .An American Sergeant .
I was so small ,he simlpy lifted me and put me on a table like a doll. Then he shook my hand and gave me some chocolate with a big smile and off he went .
I was amazed at the size of him so I asked some of the other Airmen who he was. They looked at me as if I was mad . 'Sonny' one of them said .'Dont you recognise him? He is the Heavyweight Champion of the World ,that is the great Joe Louis himself ,the Brown Bomber'.
I had seen him a few times on the newsreels and all I knew was he was big and he was black .
I got home and told all my pals 'I have just shook the hand of Joe Louis himself' and I didnt wash my hand for days .
Now I am not exactly sure to this day whether or not it really was the gteat man himself or if the rest of the black men were fooling me.
But I dont care .I have made myself believe it all these years and I still firmly believe I shook the hand of the greatest boxer in the world .Joe Louis in person.
Tommy Mac

As I mentioned already ,I lived in a tenement building in the Cowcaddens area of Glasgow .
Three flights of stairs with three houses on each flight .
Now ,the entrance to the building was known as 'the common close' .Simply an entrance to the stairway leading to the floors .
The Government ,in its wisdom decided that the close entrances should be strengthened to prevent the building's collapse in the event of an explosion during an air raid .
So, to do this ,they erected a timber frame .Up the walls and along the roof, but in doing so they left a space due to the criss cross building of the beams .
As an adventure it was possible for boys like myself to crawl along between the beams and play at being spies . BUT!And such a big BUT! At the end of the 'close ' there was a landing with steps leading down to the rubbish bins . This was know to us a 'Dunny'. It was a wonderful place for courting couples,lets say 'doing their courting' as they were hidden away (as they thought ) from prying eyes .
We, however laying accross the beams could spy on them at our leisure .
But ,believe me ,if any of them caught us there, we would be in big trouble ,
. So we had to lay there and watch . Suffice to say. it was from this vantage point I received most of my sex education .The courting couples or 'winchers' as we called them taught me and my friends everything we know
Tommy Mac

Our evacuation did not last of course .There was no way that City dwellers could ever take to the country so when it was announced as the 'phony war'we decided to come home 6 months after leaving .
Although it DID give me a taste of the countryside ,but just for a holiday never for permanance ,
So home we came .We were hardly settled back in our house (,by the way ,by this time my mother was allocated the flat next to my aunts ,just one room and a kitchen. Three stories high .) I just love asides ,dont you ?
I actually lived in four houses at this same address which I will tell you about later.
But no sooner had we moved into our new hoise than the air raids started and the bombs started falling .
Tommy Mac

Also ,at the mouth of every close they built what were known as 'baffle walls' .
They could not have named then better .
They were simply blocks of corrugated sheeting built about 7 feet high then filled with bricks and sand .
They were supposed to protect from the effects of a blast entering the close .

What they did'nt take into account was that they were an awful hazard in the black-out. People walking into them especially they had had a few drinks .Children running straight out of the closes right into these 'baffle walls '.
There were more people hurt from these structures than were ever hurt by bombing.
What with the black-out and all, it was impossible to see them until it was too late.Then BANG! another broken bone. One of the More disastrous devices ever though up by Defence Boffins.
Tommy Mac