h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'll try to put a thought for each day of November here:

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Thought About Facebook. Why is it that, if you post a picture of a cute kitten on Facebook (a website bombarded with a plethora of pictures of kittens), it instantly gets thousands of comments, but if you mention that you're about to undergo (admittedly minor) surgery, not a sausage?

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Sunday night is ironing night, often while watching a DVD. When ironing I couldn't help notice how most of my clothes are getting very old, and the majority don't fit. Yet with a limited budget to spend on clothes in the house, that isn't likely to change any time soon. The kids both have outgrown their winter coats and my son's wellies also have a hole in the bottom and needs a new pair, so that's 2 months' worth of clothes budget spent. They're always outgrowing their shoes, school uniform and other clothes, and alas there's a limit to the amount of hand-me-downing you can get away with. So with a limited budget that is always swallowed by the children's clothing needs, I'll just have to keep wearing old work trousers two sizes too big. At least by signing up to do runs, rides and races I get a steady supply of new t-shirts in my size.

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It was my pre-op appointment today for my operation on Friday. This apparently required that I stand against the wall and have my height measured again (the sixth time the hospital have measured my height this year; I don't think it's changed at all) as well as my blood pressure and weight. Disappointingly I was told that after my operation on Friday I won’t be able to do anything strenuous requiring judgment or skill for at least 48 hours after. When I asked the nurse at my whether running 5k counted as doing something strenuous, I was given a withering look which, if it could speak, I could not possibly put into words here. I'd've thought going for a 5k run immediately after an operation would epitomise doing something without any judgement whatsoever...

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[Amy P]

Re: Facebook. It's because you forgot to mention you were a fluffy kitten. If you'd remembered that bit your operation would have immediately garnered 500 comments and 1,000 likes.

Deb

Claim to be a fluffy kitten. Maybe FB users will PAY for your operation.

Nothing strenuous or requiring judgement? Just sit and watch X factor.

Surely watching X-Factor and resisting gouging out your eyes and pulling off your ears (if you can't find the remote control) is rather strenuous?

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Last week our lounge was Decorated. This was the act whereby the walls went from being whatever colour they were to whatever colour they are, and the original faded, tatty, red carpet (probably dating from the time of the maisonette's construction in the 1970s) was replaced by a new, stripy one. This would be a lot of disruption with only superficial benefit, although my wife said that at the same time I could have a new bookcase installed too. As more shelving is a practical benefit, this would make it actually worth doing, I agreed.

As the four of us live in a small 2-bed maisonette with no spare room, the contents of the lounge were put in boxes and bin bags and last Monday evening, the day after I did the Great South Run and when my legs were still aching and my ankle was actively hurting, I spent the evening taking all the boxes up a ladder into the loft. This included flat pack furniture that I had to unscrew and carry up too. Some of the larger items, bookcases etc, were too large and could not be stored up in the loft, and so were moved into the bedroom and kitchen, meaning I could not access my wardrobe or the desk, nor could we use the washing machine etc for the duration of the decorating.

It was when the new carpet was installed that the only working fireplace in our flat was broken. Soon after, my wife announced that she didn't want a new bookcase after all, which as far as I was concerned was the whole point of the thing. (As far as I'm concerned a change is making something different with no real benefit, and is different from an improvement. A new bookcase would be an improvement, as it would increase the amount of storage space available, a new wall colour is a change, but doesn't really do anything so isn't an improvement).

Still, between Tuesday and Friday the walls were painted, the carpet was put down and the big items of furniture returned to their rightful positions on Friday afternoon, so I could access my wardrobe, desk and the washing machine again (ready for me to do the ironing on Sunday, with room in the lounge again to set up an ironing board).

Yet on Friday night, when I wanted to put our belongings back where they belong in their rightful positions, my wife said she didn't want to return things to normal that day as sorting through her stuff would stress her out. On Saturday night she said the same thing - even though our belongings are not where they are supposed to be. On Sunday, with everything still out of place, she still said that she didn't want me to return her things back to where they are meant to be as it would cause stress.

Yesterday, having reached the limit and being unable to relax until everything is back where it should go, I started bringing down the boxes of our bits and bobs. Again she said that she didn't want to sort through her stuff yet, to which I said that was fine, I'd only bring down my things and put them back correctly where they always went. That way neither her possessions nor any sorting is in any way involved, and my life at least can return to normality again. Apparently this was not satisfactory either, and after being shouted at, I was forced to stop before everything was back where it should go.

So from my point of view, the whole decorating exercise can be scored:

New wall colour: 0 points
New carpet: 1 point
Having to put belongings in loft, get rid of carpet etc: -5 points
Spending a week without wardrobe, desk, washing machine, table, lounge etc: -5 points
The only fire in the flat breaking: -5 points
Not being given a bookcase as promised: -5 points
Possessions still not fully being back where they belong: -5 points

Total score of Decorating exercise: -24 points.

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If you want a bookcase, BB, you should get one. I wouldn't stress about things not being in their correct places, though. They'll get there eventually.

The trouble is I don't drive, and I can't carry a 6-foot bookcase on my bicycle. My wife drives, but she's refusing to use the car to get one (despite earlier promising she would).

(Future journals will try to be a lot less moany, honest!)

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I must admit I enjoy X Factor. Some of the acts are quite good. What is really fun, though is seeing the judges praising the really dire acts and trying to work out whether

a) the judge doesn't have a notion about good music

b) they're being kind because they know the group will be eliminated later anyway

c) they're Simon Cowell, in which case they are trying to influence the audience voting to maximise the entertainment potential

There's no doubt that Mr Cowell knows exactly what he's doing - you don't get to run a multi-million pound show without a clear view. But he is rarely doing what he says he's doing.

Of course the best way to watch X Factor is after the event, with a recording and a fast forward button.

Sorry about the decorating, BB. If it's any consolation, I haven't managed to get my house tidy in the nearly 33 years we've lived there.

[Amy P]

It appears you got all of the hard work and none of the benefit. I feel slightly irritated on your behalf!

Deb

Decorating is a condition of the lease on my flat, so I have that to look forward to next year, but at least that is a benefit of painting the walls in (probably) very similar colours to what they are now.

I like things in their place, too, but I do like tidying up every now and then and reorganising things as necessary, and I can imagine your wife is enjoying the different sensation of spaciousness, or the sensation of different spaciousness, or something. It must be difficult for you not having your own stuff to hand, though - I do like to have key items within easy reach myself, so I sympathise...

I suspect I might just be too set in my ways...

...I don't like it when supermarkets move things round either...

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This is what I'll always associate with early November:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI-uql-vv3c&noredirect=1
It obviously worked, as I've never broken the fireworks code since seeing this...

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[Amy P]