h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The first time I heard "Sometimes, I feel like a motherless child", I felt . Isn't it the ultimate sensation of being a grown human? Being all alone and nobody loves you unconditionally?

I interpret now that this is the basic human feeling: I'm all alone and - 'nobody knows the trouble I've seen' - etc. Some people's trouble are indeed very hard to endure. Not mine, I hasten to say.

But a motherless child, yes. More so, because my mother is rapidly going off her mind. Is getting demented. And I find myself both coping and getting exasperated when she calls me the umpteenth time to ask and talk about the same thing we did yesterday.

No problem, I can take care of my mother - and all my kids - and my husband, the oldest child in af Slovenian/Italian family, finds it quite natural to offer my mother a home in our house.

Actually, it is not done in Denmark in these times - but maybe we'll do it anyway. The house is big enough.

And here I was, hoping, that when all my kids have grown up, there would be some kind of me-time.

Two years ago my mother sent me a cartoon picturing a grandchild and a grandmother in a twin push chair - the child in one side, the grandma in another, and the middle aged woman pushing, thats me.

I've ensured that my youngest son (17) will take over when I collapse. He said 'yes' while sms'ing, watching Simson's, writing a biology report, listening to music, praticing scales on the guitar and corresponding on messenger.

And now -

Tartaronne, you have my sympathy and as many s as you need. Hyp is going through the same thing with our Mother. It's a difficult time for them both. I live too far away to be of much help, except a shoulder when Hyp needs it. Our brother lives even farther away.

It sounds as if you are doing what you feel is best for your Mother. I hope it's what is best for the rest of your family as well.

Lady C. Hugs are good.

And better still when they are given by good friends.

You have my sympathy...just at retirement age I also find myself caught between a financially needy child and grandchildren and a rapidly mentally and physically deteriorating mother...this latter situation is becoming commonplace as life expectancies lengthen...I suppose we should both feel fortunate to be still strong and capable and able to help...and glad that we have someone who needs our help...

>>I suppose we should both feel fortunate to be still strong and capable and able to help...and glad that we have someone who needs our help...<<

Definitely

Hi Phred, and for the

You are not alone there tartaronne...I have 4 kids, 6 grandkids, and my ex only wants to be involved with our eldest son, Michael, and his children. But at least I get to do a lot of babysitting, with Jodi and Kylies babies, my grandaughters....It is to say the least..

Hi Stephen, (former dgbulli?).

Grandchildren are, as it is said, life's dessert..

*tosses in an 'i'*

Thanks tartaronne, for your reply..dbgibulli is just an acronym, but my real name is Stephen, or Steve, which ever you prefer to use...I don't really mind...

I did wonder why you'd suddenly appeared on my friends list when I'd never come across you before. Makes sense now!

Tartaronne.. just thinking over all the emotions that go with a parent going .. of her mind. yes, good to be able to repay. I can only imagine the emotions that would come with it .. (can only imagine for .. at least another ten or twenty years).

Thank You kindly, Elentari.. for adding you to my friends list a while ago. I had noticed some of your postings and just thought that you would be a nice person to get to know..
Anyway, my Mum developed dementia in her last year or so of life, and I didn't see her go "downhill", so my memories of Mum are of her as if she were still fine, dancing and singing. "Tulips From Amsterdam" was her favourite...

to all in hootoo

Stephen

Tartaronne,

It helps to have help. How brilliant of me to come up with that. (sarcasm in case you think I say that as a statement of intelligence) Any way, without the help of my nineteen year old I am not sure what I would do and what my bride's situation would be. Also I received a lot of comfort from you and others on this unique site. I love you all for the words of encouragement sprinkled with commonsense and humour.

For those of us who find ourselves dealing with situations not before confronted in our lives it becomes a life of weirdness. But as the doctor said to my wife, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is you have Alzheimer's, the good news is you can go home and forget about it. (joke) Unfortunately, we the so called "sane" cannot forget about it.

I don't know if the book can be found in Denmark, but an excellant read is THE 36-HOUR DAY by Mace and Rabins. It really is not intended to be read straight through, at least not by attention deficit people like myself, but I found just opening the book up and reading whatever the topic was on the page meant something to me. It helped me to better understand that when they get on your nerves they are NOT doing it deliberately, even when it seems like they are.

Bonnie's form of dementia has meant putting locks on the refrigerator and freezer and hiding the cooking cpans in my son's room. I was surprixed at how well she took to being locked out of things and inwardly I find it humourous when I get into the refrigerator and she says to me, "Oh, you can get into the refrigerator?" I just tell her that lets me use the key and she drops the whole thing.

And though I think I've mellowed I still find that after the tenth repeat of a question in less than a minute gets me angry enough to be loud at her. You seem to be a much more mellow person so do not fret it if you get all mad and upset. Just walk out of the room or go for a brisk walk. Or you can do as I do. I bang my head against a wall untill my pain is so great I forget about my problems with Bonnie. However, it is getting expensive buying aapirin all the time.

I hope that you will be able to give your mother the care she needs at home. It will mean a lot to her. My daughter keeps reminding me though that I need to be nice to her as she will be the one choosing my nursing home. (Joke, I think)

hell is repetition, so i won't go there

except repeating



(who absolutely loves richie havens version at woodstock '69

Don't apologise Stephen! I knew you were on my friends list as dgibulli and was happy about that, it just threw me when I saw Stephen as I didn't know you'd changed your name!

Oh Mo. My day to day problems are not in any way comparable to yours. And thank you for your good advice. . . I still have to translate the words of the CD. I've got it right beside me - but I've been very busy reaching deadlines...

Pierce I know your opinions. But s are just fine. .

Now x-mas is over, including a grown up ADD who fell asleep during putting things on the , his confused kids, a demented mother who left three times during the night to catch the bus, a rigtheous non-oregano head (my brother) - and sweet kids en masse - (even the gravy was successful if not the sugarcoated potatoes which came out too bland - and my kids loved their presents of biographies of respectively Jimi Hendrix and Björg). I won the poker game at 02.30 - beating my brother and my son , and sig. S won the 21 game at 04.00). The x-mas seems successful . And I worked very hard for it pleasing everybody - including myself. Kids' bright eyes, sticky fingers and unprentious laughther beats anything.

I really love kids.

I drove everybody home today and even found my mother's missing 2.000 kr.

Oh well, seems that you have your hands full of fun and work and all the rest, so I may postpone the idea of you adopting me. But you are not yet off the hook.

You're one amazing lady, Tartaronne.

I'd love to adopt you. And more so with your kids. They are really somthing. .

But do you have the same rules as China, just have decided? It's all about money and kilos on the hindside.

Eh?

Well, I heard in the news that you haveto have some kind of a living standard, and not being too much overweight, to qualify for adopting a Chinese child. To make sure the parents can afford the child and survive for some time. Then the time for Europeans and USAins adoptions will be cut down from 15 months to a year