h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

(www.churchofeuthanasia.org/)


Snuff It #1


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Welcome
Greetings, dear reader, and welcome to the first issue of Snuff It, the quarterly magazine of the Church of Euthanasia. Just in case you're not already a member of the church, I'll take this opportunity to explain our theology. The church has four core principles, or "pillars", and they are (drum roll please) suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy. Now, you may ask yourself, why do we support these things? What do they all have in common? Yes, of course they're all good fun, but the real answer is that they all help reduce the population.

An article that appeared in the Boston Globe on March 5 revealed that the world's population, currently 5.7 billion, will reach 8 billion by the year 2020. Undersecretary of state Timothy Wirth was quoted as saying that two billion people don't get enough to eat, and another 500 million go to bed hungry. "Over the next 35 to 40 years, we need to triple the amount of food in the world," Wirth said. "But there's no more arable land, and the water supply isn't growing."

The scientific consensus is that if the world's population continues to increase at its current rate, and if the industrial nations, particularly the United States, continue to blindly exhaust and pollute the planet to feed their limitless economic growth, the Earth's ecosystem will gradually collapse, causing famine, disease and war on an unimaginable scale. With these prospects, suicide will become an increasingly sane, heroic, and even fashionable alternative.

Since Americans consume and pollute so much more than everyone else, it seems logical that we should be the first to go. Every imaginable resource is extracted from the Earth by slave labor, and transported to our shopping malls so that we can live in luxury. Our media provides us with constant diversion, while insulating us from any responsibility for our ecosystem. We are thoroughly indoctrinated and believe we are highly civilized. Apparently we measure civilization by how far away we can transport our dung. Why do we hate our dung so?

In an earlier period of history many of us feared our species would be destroyed by nuclear war. In 1948, a zoologist named Fairfield Osborn correctly predicted that the primary threat to our species was topsoil depletion. He calculated that two and one-half acres of average topsoil are required to sustain one human, and further observed that if our planet's less than four billion acres of topsoil were divided by our population of two billion at most two acres were available.

In the subsequent period we have permitted our population to more than double. Our rate of topsoil erosion continues to increase, and we are rapidly contaminating what remains with toxic chemicals. Already entire nations have become uninhabitable deserts. Their populations flee, or are left kill each other and die of starvation, as recent events in Somalia and Ethiopia illustrate. It is truly ironic that the earliest known human remains have been discovered in Ethiopia. To look at Ethiopia today is to look at our future. Our species faces extinction.

What, dear reader, can YOU do? Well, first of all, you can KEEP READING, and second, you can JOIN the Church of Euthanasia! Be part of the solution! Write to us! Send us articles! Send us MONEY! Until next time...

SNUFF IT is the quarterly publication of the Church of Euthanasia, a not-for-profit corporation chartered in the state of Delaware. Box 261, Somerville, MA 02143. Editor: Chris Korda.

"The church has four core principles, or "pillars", and they are (drum roll please) suicide, abortion, cannibalism, and sodomy."

Hmm. I have strong views on two, and some view on the others...

Suicide (Euthenasia)- If a dog gets hit by a car and loses the use of its legs, it is put down, for 'humane' reasons. When Diane Pretty, a sufferer or MND asked for her husband to be allowed to help her die as she was a prisoner in her own body, it was rejected by the Court of Appeal, High Court, House of Lords.... Does that mean that it is worse for a dog to suffer than a human being?

Abortion - I am pro-abortion. It is inhumane to bring a child into the world if its parents cannot cope. This is a personal choice influenced by a personal experience. At 17, there was a week when I was informed I may well be a father. I'm not dad material, she most definately wasn't going to be a mother, and we weren't on speaking terms. It wouldn't have been fair for that kid to have been brought into the world had it not been a false alarm.

Cannabilism - A person is made of meat. So is a cow. We eat cows. Surely if organs caan be donated to save the ill, flesh can be donated to feed the starving.

Sodomy - Whatever floats your boat, so long as it's between two consenting adults.

Please can I book my square meter of space now, as I think there might not be much later!


I wonder if eternty can ever be full up? i know that space and time is related, i'ed like to bet theres someone out there that is willing to tell me!

This may be the best time for somebodt to tell me what sodomy is. I've never had it explained to me you see, and we've all got to learn things somehow.

Sodomy - The act of backdoor lovin', shootin' up the poopshoot, dropping anchor in crap creek.....

my

Abortion:- I have been faced with that choice and I couldn't do it but it is up to the woman involved

Euthenasia:- I wouldn't be able to face having to make that decision

Cannibalism:- Depends how hungry I was

Sodemy:- Whatever turns you on

I still don't get the sodomy thing...

*Whispers*

Anal sex

nasty ain't it.



abortion's ok, I tink, if the parents are convinced that the child would be miserables if born.

Well, it's not like the child's going to know if it's aborted or not

Abortion: why not end one future person's life if it will prevent 3 or more people being miserable.

Euthanasia: pro

Canibalism: Only if the person who is to be eaten consents. There was a case of this in Germany not to long ago: one guy cooked and ate another guy's equipment. Apparently, Rammstein has written a song about it.

Yeah. the German law allows cannibalism, but not murder, whereas over here in England, cannabalism is the more serious crime. Probably because of the stupid Lord Devlin 'Immoral should = Illegal' stance adopted by the Judiciary. Not that 40% of my A-Level law is on Law and Morality or anything....

Breathe, just breathe

I'm pro abortion in most cases, although if they have to do it because they forgot contraception then they should get a smacked wrist.

Euthanasia... tricky one. Only if the person REALLY really wants it and is going to die soon anyway. But if they have a disability that won't particularly shorten their life and they've given up hope then they should be taught how to counter it incase they'll come around.

and uh.. cannabilism... I don't reeeally agree with that German dudes right to eat the other dude, even consenting. Coz who says the consenting dude was in his right mind, or would have consented to it in a year. There should be a two year register, then after the two years is up with you continuously wanting to be eaten then go for it.

As for sodomy

Sodomy apparently has a higher chance of spreading some STD's than normal... uh... yeah.
Because it generally causes open wounds in... there.

Suicide-Yes
Abortion-yes, definitely.
cannabalism... no.
Sodomy-well, seems a bit um... perverted(?)to me, but okay. If youu /really/ want to.

"I'm pro abortion in most cases, although if they have to do it because they forgot contraception then they should get a smacked wrist."

Was that aimed in this direction?? Because if it was.....

Jeez, am I ever pissed out of my skull...

*backs away slowly*

I don't remember posting that. Hmm. My drunken spelling is somewhat amazing.

*from a distance away*

So you're not drunk anymore?

Yep. I got 7 hours of sleep. A personal best as of late.