h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: How to be the perfect mistress - A872831
Author: a girl called Ben - happy to be home at last - U148580

This is about 4/5ths finished, and technically should not be in PR at all. But since I am about to go off to Oz, leaving my life, lovers (hah!) and La Perla underwear (I wish) behind, I thought I would sling it in here for the entertainment of you all.

The tone may be flippant, but the advice is good.

a seamstress called Ben

Very good - and you're right most of it probably is good advice, although not always easy to follow, I would have thought.

So which male researcher is going to do a toyboy version?

Not me - I'm a faithful Sprout.

I like it

I wonder if you could get away with including one of your wonderful poems on the subject...

Have fun in Australia, I guess

-Lucinda (isn't sure whether to envy international lifestyle, or enjoy her particular patch of green grass)

Yes - this represents the same experiences synthesised through prose instead of verse, a you rightly spotted.

Enjoy the green grass, I get positively cymric on the subject these days!

B

cymric? welsh?

Is there a particularly welsh approach to green grass then?

-Lucinda

There was a book released recently which included a 50 mile rule. Ie the Mistress should live 50 miles from the house, wife nad family of the guy who is cheating thus ensuring that the two will never meet in any casual social context accidently and thus cause embarresment. It is reckoned that 50 miles is a safe distance for social circles not to overlap.

Oh Gad! Not more pedestrian boringness!

I doubt you'll get much reaction to this, anyway, though. The title just won't catch people's eye. So no doubt it'll just sink into obscurity until some sensible scout does the honours and sends it binwards.

Mind you, i haven't actually read it in full yet...

But seriously folks, just one thing that caught *my* eye whilst skimming through -

"Choose a man who makes you feel wonderful; choose a man who makes you laugh; choose a man who is good in bed; but don't choose someone you are going to fall in love with."

- am i the only person seeing a kind of contradiction here? But then, i never did read the Mars and Venus book...

I was about the post something here, but then realised I wasn't sure what to say. The entry is good, I think the topic is the one for discussion. You have written your views and advice very well, but it does not show both sides. Some people would say you should love the person you are having an affair with, but not love your spouse (arranged marriages being an example of this), this is a difficult subject, and as I am at school at the moment I don't have time to think about it. I will get back to you when i get home, until then don't listen to anything i've said as i might change it.

Tango

PS Why did I post this at all?

Liked it very much.

Not sure what a 'wiccan philoophy' is though????

Hi Ben,

I thought this was going to be "How to be the perfect Mistress" and was keen to contribute. Unfortunately I can't offer an help on this, as it's an entrirely different subject.

Mina! - but it is just a different kind of power game, really.

Monkey Polidari - 'wiccan philoophy' is obviously far hoopier than any other kind. However I have standardised the spelling. Thanks.

Tango - the entry is about How to be the perfect mistress - it isn't about the ethics, morality or cultural or social circumstances of having it off with other womens' husbands. It is full of warnings, (fuller, now, than it was originally). I think it is balanced within the scope of the title.

Deamon Drawer - I have included the 50 mile rule, thanks for pointing it out.

Spiff - Fortunately (or unfortunately) I have developed the ability to consciously stop myself from falling in love with someone. It is rather a chilling ability to have, mind you. But useful.

Lucinda - Doesn't 'the green green grass of home' mean *anything* to you? Have you no soul?



All - STOP PRESS! - We have added some extra bits and pieces, including La Perla underwear, depilation, having an affair within the same social circle, and guilt-gifts to make your eyes water.

Please take another look - the remaining 1/5th is there, and it is as finished as our joint experiences can make it.

B

I've got nothing constructive to add, due to a complete and total lack of experience in this area, umm, well, as far as I'm aware...

Just to say nice one Ben, you make it sound very appealing.

Another winner, Ben! I totally agree with KerrAvon here!

Thanks, both of you. But half the credit goes to Rainbow.

We spent a good while discussing the subject, comparing notes, as you do.

All the thinking was filtered through those discussions, and a good proportion of the words are hers and hers alone.

B

In which case, to Rainbow too

Like it, even if it does rather paint a picture of men as being easily manipulated buffoons with no control over their impulses...

Can't fault you for accuracy, though.

H.

Nah, I don't think like that. I always respect them in the morning.

B

....especially if they're perfect!!

This is the kind of article that the Guide needs to contain. Very well done, ladies! I'll bet you had fun researching this one! And I loved the disclaimer at the end. Crockery-breaking is soooo gauche, isn't it?

Having done my share of mistressing (in my younger and wilder days, of course) I think one point that might be driven a little bit harder home is that he has NO right to demand your sexual fidelity. Perhaps if you're a 'kept woman' that negotiation might change, but for a pure and naughty mistress, forget it. I think a lot of women are used to the idea that fidelity is a trait to be valued, and a lot of men think it's something they deserve even if it's strictly one-sided. Once upon a time, when I was smart enough to know bettter and naive enough to listen to him, I went through a world of hurt dealing with a jealous, married man. It took ages for my rational mind to kick its way through the sex-crased-weasel glow and assert itself: mistresses don't owe their boy toy anything more than a mutual good time.