h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

There. I said it.

** quietly locks the door and surreptitiously looks out the window in anticipation of Barney's thugs coming around to sort me out **

Oh and I have a right problem with Mr Mugabe and Mr Chirac at the moment. Three cheers for Simon Tatchell!

Woodpigeon

Not just that hideous purple annoyance, but all those smarmy little oh-so-fresh-faced brats as well....

Did it never occur to anyone that Barney seems to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex?

Maybe his creator wasn't as fond of kids as he let on...

Oh, Barney The Dinosaur up against the wall and shot, please!

I'd like to see him eaten in one of the inevitable Jurrasic Park sequels that will appear over the coming years...on, the irony!

Dancing Disco Barney Faces Certain Extinction...

If only...next the inhabitants of Sesame Street, human and muppet alike.

I wouldnt want just against the wall and shot....It's got to be a slow, lingering, painful death...

Yes, slow and lingering. Lets get creative with methods as well; hung, drawn, and quartered. I hope you never have to suffer through Barney while babysitting, I'm traumatized. How exactly do you draw and quarter people anyway?

Have you seen Braveheart?

Hung ie strangled until not quite dead, laid out & disembowled (while conscious), then finally chopped into four pieces. And to think it was once a spectator sport........

If we're hanging drawing and quartering Barney, it's definitely a spectator sport - I could sell tickets.

And then can we start on the Hoobs, please? And can I despatch Ivor? I seriously LOATHE Ivor the Hoob...

I have to defend the Muppets here. At least they were aimed at those with a higher than 3-year-old intelligence level, and most of the time they were damned entertaining. While Barney and his ilk scare the jeepers out of me, I still laugh myself silly when I watch the muppets. (The early stuff, anyway. They've gone sadly downhill since Jim Hensen died, but that's another discussion entirely.)

Myjo

And of course, looking back, you were talking about Sesame Street. :P I should really learn to read more carefully when in a rush!

At any rate, I would have defended Sesame Street, as well. I think it has a wonderful way of teaching kids without talking down to them, unlike Barney, etc. Of course, that "higher than 3-year-old intelligence level" bit doesn't really apply...

Myjo (who shouldn't be *posting* anything on two hours of sleep, lol)

Know what you mean. I don't know much about the modern day Sesame Street, but it was compulsive viewing when I was growing up. Ernie, Bert, Grover, Cookie Monster. Ahh dem were de days..

As for that overgrown purple lizard and his sycophantic cohorts, I'm just glad I was born then, and not now!

If we do take over the world and have Barney drawn and quartered, can I disembowel him, or at least have his head to mount over the fireplace? Then, years later, I can tell my childeren about one of the greatest moments in the revolution: the day we rid the world of that purple, singing, dancing menace.

Yay.
Barney die.
Slowly.

I'd noticed the Barney T-rex thing. I'm bored so excuse the following, (to the tune of that I Love You theme song).

I'd eat you
Run from me
I bet that you'd taste yummy
With a pinch of salt and a dash of pepper too
Won't you please be in my stew?

Pity me. My mother runs a home daycare.

Drawing and quartering is too humane for the Giant Purple Satan. I say bury him up to his neck in the desert, pour honey on his head, and let the ants do it one bite at a time. This will provide much more thinking time for him to contemplate his crimes against children.

We could also consider keelhauling - binding the purple disaster in chains and lowering him of the side of ship for the sharks to snack on....

At least that's what i think it means....

I think he should be crusified with a noose round his neck slowly drawing the purple life out of him whilst simultaniously being flayed with violin strings.