h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I once used a toilet over a bottomless pit. Well not bottomless actually but the seat was over a mineshaft. You couldn't hear your leavings hit the bottom and apparently if the wind was just right on the side of the mountain a gust could send liquids back up the hole!

The Toilet attendent is wearing a bullet proof jacket, behind bullet proof glass and is carrying a sidearm.

Actually re the bottomelss pits. Once stopped at a garage in the Ukraine and the bit was so infested by flies that the women in our party preferred going in the woods so I guess:

If the queue for the woods is lonmger than the queue for the toilets.

I'll add these once I've finished adding the comments from the other thread...

What other thread?

Oh, didn't you know? This all started as an ask h2g2 thread I posed.

Right, added them.

The 'Big Log' entry reminds me of a toilet incident at my last job. One of my workmates had laid a six inch greasy mudchild, the stubborn stool had completely blocked the U bend. Lots were drawn, and after a (rigged) result our boss was the one destined to weild the toilet brush and attack bungles finger in the toilet.
He was so petrified he was shaking, and halfway through the disgusting operation, we were all falling about laughing, he too began laughing, and was chortling so hard he began to double over. What he didn't realise was that his arm was shaking so badly with laughter, he had begun to paint the wall.................

The evidence is still there to this day, apparently, like some ancient cave painting.


Great Entry !!
SNIDE

In this story the toilet itself was not THAT bad, usual football ground corrugated iron, open to the sky, guttering trough urinal. Now I'm convinced this toilet was at Hillsborough, though my friend insists it was at Bramell Lane. Yet another friend says it was at Ninian Park, and the other guy in the car insists it was none of these, but he remembers the toilet - we all do.

Sorry - back to the story. So we all visited said convenience before the kickoff and then stood on the terracing to watch the game. About half-way through the first half a strong smell of urine became apparent, a quick check in my pockets ensured I hadn't become a victim of The Elland Road Urinal trick, and though the smell was bad we ignored it.

It was only when I dropped my cigarette that I looked at the ground, and realised we were stood in a stream of urine. Checking out the toilet revealed that the guttering ran out the side of the shed - and just ended. Gravity ensured that the output then made its way through the crowd to a drain at the bottom of the terracing.

*The Elland Road Urinal Trick*, there's another story there, surely ?

S

From my experience of Leeds fans I'd say it's probably something to do with slicing your bladder open...

No - in the days of standing on terraces you would often find yourself crammed in very tightly with those around you. At Elland Road it was considered highly humourous to urinate into the pocket of the person in front of you, and then move away.

I suppose it was mostly done by males!?

At a boy scout cam,p I once encountered a toilet cover that had been damaged by a previous incident, probably involving an explosion - remember this is a scout camp - which left it with sharp rusty edges that resembled teeth. This last part was brought to my attention by my, then, five year old son who refused to even approach it.

Scary...

Ah poo stories. 'Greasy mudchild' made me laugh out loud in a net cafe.

I was working one Sunday in the office and there were some builders in. They left the toilet laughing and I asked them what was so funny, they directed me to trap two in the gents.
Standing upright in the bowl was a 7 inch long brown log. Most of it was above the water line and some of it had been washed away at the bottom making it look like a sea stack. It must have been there since Friday.

Liam.

Yummm...

Well, I work in a public school and here, sometimes throngs of pupils suddenly amass around a toilet, laughing, going "ewww" or gagging. That's when I, being a responsible teacher, pretend not to notice a thing!

What else can I do?