h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I really can't bare her anymore! Lorna is driving me insane! She is stupid. She is banal. She unclean. She leaves dirty towals on the shower room floor grime in the shower, hair in the plug hole, shit on the toilet seat and other distressing examples of her complete contempt for other tenants and dommestic hygiene and then has the nerve to say she hasn't used the shower room!!! Whilst I'm mopping the kitchen floor, something I do regularly and have no evidence that anyone does it, accuses me of never doing any cleaning!!! Who was it that cleaned up the shit in the shower roon?!! Me!!! Who does ***ALL*** cleaning of all shared areas accept the Bathroom [seperate from the shower room]?!! ME!!! I effing well do!!! I have to wash all cooking utensils before I use them because puts them on the draining board with actually doing any washing first!!! It is sickening!!! It is more than I can put up with any longer!!! I will hurt if she continues her snide little remarks as well her effing lies!!!

Milla

thats really nasty. maybe you should just leave it for a day or two and see if she realises that you are the one cleaning up after her.

, well that may not be a good idea for the simple fact that she could in turn, validate some of the nasty remarks she's been making. Now that I'm done playing the rational one, do whatever you feel you need to do to make her see what she is doing. Play her game so to speak.

Sorry about the many typos and poor grammar. I still had coming from my ears, even after trying to relax here at my mum's for six hours.
She was just going out of way to wind me up yesterday. I really wanted to put that sub-human creature out of my misery. I've been putting up with her as best I can for months. But she is making me *ill* with the stress of living in squalor of her making.

If I leave the mess she makes she does nothing, she simply does not care how disgusting she leaves the place. I've tried politely trying to get her to do stuff to an acceptable standard, I've tried being niether polite nor rude but assertively getting her to do stuff. I've tried getting the staff [I live in "supported" housing]to give her the support and guidance she needs so she can learn how to be clean. I've tried talking to management. I've tried talking to her boyfriend. But none of it has lead to her pulling her weight and cleaning up after herself.
And asif her compllete lack of domestic hygiene was not enough there is the fact that she smells disgusting! An extremely unpleasant mix of ... well you're better off not knowing.
And then there is the fact that I simply don't like her. She has no personality, I'd place her IQ in the region 90, she is loud and banal.

When at university in my first year, I must have 'drawn the short straw', the six other people I shared the 'communial' stuff (bathroom, toilet, kitchen), in our section of 'halls, were all, without exception filthy, in the course of a year, only one person ever cleaned the toilet/toilet area, and bathroom/bath/shower/sinks, me... I tried 'hinting' to them, I tried 'confronting' them I tried 'threatening' them, and in the end, it came down to the fact that if I wanted to shower in a clean shower, wash my hands in a clean sink, ue a clean toilet, walk on clean floors, be able to use the microwave/fridge/cooker/kitchen sink, I had to clean it... it sucks, even threats of physical violence didn't seem to work... though I once managed to make a couple of them clean the kitchen, after having came in, seen the mess, and noticed they were about to leave; I wouldn't let them out till they'd cleaned it... and, then, of course, whilst in halls during my Masters, I found that I had managed to find a even more filthy bunch of people.... USED toilet roll left on floor in toilet cubical, rotting meet left in fridge... some people... its horrid isn't it? leaves you so helpless about it and ing and ing

It does!!! It so bloody-well does!!! Suz says it's mean of me to critisise her, she says this on the grounds that Lorna has mental illness too. However Lorna isn't not cleaning because she is too depressed or stressed out to cope with a pile of her own washing up. Or the food and unmentionable stains on the sofa. She is not doing it because she doesn't see why take responsibility for for it and to do it properly.

I've been in this situation, many times, lived in many shared/institutional situations. My advice is:

Separate the practical things that you really can't stand, from the emotional feelings about the person that is doing them.

Find practical solutions to keeping your OWN stuff separate & clean, stash it away in whatever private space you have, only go into the communal bits when you have to. Plan having a meal like a military operation, clean every surface you need & every utensil (with your OWN stash of cleaning stuff, which goes back to YOUR space after) Make absolutely sure you clean up after yourself...& do a tiny bit more than necessary each time, then you may find the clean bits extend slowly.

Toilets are difficult, it is horrendous, i know. Try & buy a bumper box of wipes, grit your teeth & when you need to go, use the wipes on any surface you have to touch. Take your own loo roll & something to read to take your mind off it. Air fresehener spray, at least when YOU leave the loo it smells better!

Eventually they MAY get the hint. More likely they won't. It's horrid, i sympathise.

They may tell you you are being anti-social/obsessive/compulsive. Just state quietly "No, actually i am offended by the standards of cleanliness round here, so am doing my best to maintain a higher individual level, is there something wrong in this?"*innocent smile*

Try & be as self-contained & serene as possible. YOU have the right social standards, they don't.



zdt

That's more or less what I've been doing. But when I went back to the house on Tuesday, after taking a break from being there after the failed suicide attempt, I found that I simply couldn't keep the relaxed, nonchalant exterior up anymore. I've been putting up with it for sooo long now. Now that Lorna taken to verbal abuse, outrageous denial that she has failed anywhere and snide remarks I lost my temper [not a good thing to do, but I was trying to make a phone call when she slagged me off for being suicidal and then for dropping the coin I was about to put in the payphone].
Moving there was meant to be a 6-month stopover before moving onto my independent place. Instead it'll have been a year as of next Wednesday of being steadily ground down and further down, to the point where I feel on the edge of hysterics the moment I get back there, I feel angst before getting there and I lock myself in my room for much of the day.
She will never take the hint, she does not want too!

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

They don't realise, they really don't get it. tha abolutely worst thing you can do with people who feel like we do is to put them in a situation where they have very little control over just the basic bits of life & make them confront other people, who have possibly much worse problems, when they just need to retreat.

OWN SPACE; god, when will they realise, with OWN space, it's possible to go back to the shell & recover & come out again, but if you have to be a goldfish in a bowl, you can't do it, the only way is to go back in.

I was doing fine. I'm not now, i am losing it too, help

All I can offer is my understanding. If you lived within a train ride of me I could put you up for 3 days and nights and hope that be enough for you find a place. But all I have to offer is empathy for what is an unbearably stressful, draining and emotional situation. I wish I could offer you something practical to get you out of this, maybe if I wasn’t in the state I’m in, still not really over my suicide attempt, falling apart because of the situation at NERd and not securely in a relationship with Suz, maybe just maybe inspiration would hit me.
Have you got someone to talk to? I use AIM and I think you use MSN

MSN

[email protected]

Yeah i know all "you lot" would help & i would be Ok taking it 'cos i know you mean it, you do care. But you can't you're not here & the RL people are to be honest mainly the sh**tiest, nastiest bunch of folks i have ever met.

it's not just me who says that.

Ive just reached the limit, i can't see any way out other than the obvious. I have struggled, been brave, kept smiling when i am crawling with horror inside, i can't carry on with no home, i just can't.

I'm not strong enough to live on the streets & i will NOT NOT NOT go into an institution set up again. and can't afford to get another flat.

Society seems to be saying: kill the poor, the handicapped, what the hell. That's US! Maybe make us so pi**ed off with the system we save them the trouble eh?

Oh well, tonight i have the "luxury" of sleeping in my own real bed. Wednesday night, that will be history.

zdt

I live with a lazy misearble fat cow. Lydia is her name I suppose;to be fair, her miserable demenour is understandable. She has a huge pair of knockers;I mean MASSIVE! and a large hump on her back. If she stood sideways on with her head turned away from you, you couldn't tell which way the front or back of her torso was facing! She went down well at the local disco;Well she went down a lot but I don't want to go into those sordid details right now. Anyway. everyone; so she told me,loves her down at the local disco - I don't frequent such places myself because I'm a born again christian - But She always seems happy and full of herself when she comes home from such places. So anyway one night I decided to go down and see for myself how people could be attracted to such a lazy fat bitch, and as I walked through the smoked filled disco I could hear a lot of cheering from the large group gathered around the dance floor, and there she was, lying on her back with her legs and arms in the air while the group took it in turns to spin her around on her hump. I can't convince her that they don't really like her for herself and that they are just taking the piss! But she reckons I'm just jealous. Anyway to get to the point. She is so lazy she puts all the washing up outside in the hope that it rains! Mr gofor has to bring it back in and wash it; if it doesn't rain that is. Can anyone advise me on how to train this fat lazy cow?

Hi Stealth to hear that you are not enjoying living with Lorna ... I'm also not enjoying living with one of my housemates... perhaps we ought to team up and create havoc on them or something... hope all is well with you and suz from opti

Perhaps we should a 'criss cross' and swap housemates for execution. You kill mine when I have a water alibi and I'll do the same for you!

yep good idea ... just make sure we line up a replacement otherwise we'll (or at least myself) will be without a home!

Gosh how yucky!



Stealth, just catching up with posts as I have been away...and blimey...

I'd kick people for you if my legs could reach that far!

Yucky it is often at the best of times... Stomach churning it is often enough too.