h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On the 24th Suz decided that she needed to limit, permanently, our relationship to friendship or no relationship at all. I knew it was coming... But I had hope not before I had time resolve the thoughts and feelings I was having about the things past and done awakened by her being back in my life. And to resolve new [and I do mean 'new'] feelings *somewhere* in the spectum of those covered by the word 'love'. But no. I was not permitted such time. I had also hoped that we would take the time to get to each other again before ruling anything of any kind out or seeking to go in any direction. Just taking the time to let things flow along organicly... But no. For reasons she can't/won't reveal to me she has decided that her love for me and my love for her are on a path to doom and that friendship or nothing is the law governing and confining and restricting and squishing out of existence all that is not fine and platonic. Tis typical borderline behaviour. Or it appears that way... To avoid facing, dealing with and working through or talking about problematic emotions and situations by putting in place rules and behaviours that keep them away.

I am not a mind reader. I can't know if Suz made her decision for what I would think good reasons or bad excuses. I would just have liked us to have had alot more fun together in each other company and have done so for alot longer before limiting ourselves to just friendship or limiting ourselves to just each other. I really do think it far to soon to decide one way or the other.

We have only just met!

Not knowing her reasoning is difficult for me. Her choice is difficult for me. Never-the-less it is her choice to make and she has made it. I would not want her to do wrong by her self. She is my friend. I love her.

That's very mature of you.

Or over-compromisation of my needs. Or resignation that I am either not what she wants and/or not whom... Or, perhaps maturity.

I expect something will happen fairly shortly to force a resolution in my mind as to which it is and I'm sure it will hurt.

I've found in the past that drawing lines like this can allow me to relax about what's going to happen, to stop worrying about expectations, and thus to allow things to be more organic than they otherwise would have been thanks to my hang-ups.

I'm inclined to think Suz has done a good thing here. It's good to know where you stand, surely?

I don't feel like I know where I stand.

And I feel like there are now expectatations where thewre were none.

And this decision isn't good for mt hang-ups.


But, I have to adapt to it.

Yeah. I was kind of putting myself in Suz's shoes.

From her point of view, yes, I know where I stand. We are never going have a relationship other than friends. Simple as that. Deal with it. Rock and Roll.

I want to understand why I am not wanted. Why my love is unwelcome. Why makes alowing her feeling for me to grow unattractive.
I think/fear part of is that her poor image of herself. She sees herself as unattractive and ugly and wrong for me.

sometimes people just fall out of love. It's hard to accept but it happens.Sometimes in order to protect them selves people say they don't love someone.
I'm sorry this has happened to you and suz I wish i could make it better . you are a good person and well thought of on hootoo.

She hasn't said she doesn't love me. She hasn't fallen out of love [yet, but she is trying to]. But, yes, it is case of her trying to protect herself from hurt. She wants us to only be friends because she is afraid of being hurt and of causing hurt.

I cannot force her to change her mind and would not want to. I would want to challenge any assumptions she has made, such as my being certain to run off with someone else at the first lewd wink of a interesting barmaid because she sees herself as not good enough for me. Or conversly that I would demand of her a level of commitment she could not possibly live upto.


If wishes were horses... the French would never go hungry! Well thought of?

I'm sorry this all sounds so hopeless at the moment.

I think I'm more with Snailie here...

There is a limit, which can allow you to explore the full contents of what is within these limits, and stay safely away from the borders.

I see it as very positive that she *wants* to be your friend, and have you as her friend. It means she cares about you!

Be friends. Trust eachother as friends. It's hard, I know, but it will pay off, I'm sure!

I don't deserve her. She is better off without me. Everyone always is.

Take my hand my only one
We will walk together
In starlight my only one
We shall dream forever
Oh. Why won't you take my hand?
Reach out...
Take my hand...
And...
Rise again from your dust
In blood...
In c**...
In lust...
Walk with me this long night
And we'll drink rivers to forget.

[wrote that a while ago in the poetry thread... I think it covers how I feel... Trying to raise the dead by force of love.]