h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

On a rain-swept Tuesday evening at Bramall Lane, the 4th of September, 1974, I watched in wonder as Sheffield United utterly destroyed a hapless Arsenal by five goals to nil.
The first four went home in the opening twenty minutes. The second was a searing half-volley from thirty yards from the greatest player I ever saw, the mercurial Tony Currie. He scored another, and he set up Billy Dearden's contribution with an outrageous cross-field pass that took out an entire back four. Then, in the second half, he sat on the ball in open play, and reduced the squeaking, whining, impotent Alan Ball to apoplexy.
I became a proto-Blade that night. Five years later, when I took up residence in this wonderful city, there would be no doubt about my allegiance.
There will never be another TC. He truly could do magic, just as the unlikely terrace-anthem claimed.

How disappointing, I thought this was going to be about the Claret and Blue legend that is Tony Cottee!