h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This memory is some 22 years old now, but maybe there was a lesson somewhere in it.

Well surely not even I could mess this one up. She'd been drinking in the pub for a few weeks now, she was young, she was pretty, she was lively, and she could drink like a fish. A dozen blokes had been hitting on her and without refusing any of them she'd made it clear she was available, but wanted some time. Now suddenly she'd picked up me. Tonight I was to meet her at 7.

The evening went well, few drinks, few pubs, lot of laughs, a few kisses, and now here we were in my car outside her house.

"Do you want to come in for a coffee ?"
"Yeah, - is there anyone home ?"
"My parents are in." (damn ) "But one thing, the carpet has just been fitted today, so please wipe your feet before you go in."
"No problem. Sure they won't mind me turning up this late ?"
"Course not."

So in we go, I wipe my feet carefully and sit down. Parents and I chat, coffee is made, Mum likes me, Dad is reserving judgement, but we know a couple of people in common. This my friend is looking solid.

"I'm sorry could I just use your toilet ?"

"Course you can, turn right at the top of the stairs."

"Thanks."

Stands up, catches left foot in flared jean of right leg, tugs it free, and VOLLEYS cup of coffee 6 feet across the dining room.

(You wouldn't believe what I did on date 2)

And? AND?????

I mean, what was the reaction of the date and the parents? Was the Coffee Catapult Incident the first falling rock in the uncontrollable landslide or did it wind up being the ultimate, relaxing icebreaker? Was anything damaged irreparably by the launched liquid?

Cheers,

Rob

Well, Mum and date and I run around with cloths blotting coffee and wiping. Date is killing herself laughing when father isn't looking. Father has retreated behind newspaper and is puffing bitterly.

I made my apologies and left shortly afterwards.

On date 2 (1 week later) girlfriend invites me in once more. I ask if I'll be welcome.

"No problem." Says she, "I told them it was ridiculous having cups everywhere and they should get a coffee table, so that things weren't scattered all over the floor."

We go in.

Things are soon progressing even better than before, we've advanced from coffee to vodka. We're chatting like we've been friends for years and I'm feeling very at home. I'm sat cross legged in my chair, Dads smoking my fags, Mums laughing at my jokes, and girlfriend is sat on my chairarm stroking my neck.

However all good things must come to an end and when it becomes clear that Mum is not going to leave me alone downstairs with her daughter, if she has to stay up all night, I decide I'd better leave.

As I uncross my legs I catch the toe of my foot under the coffee table and gentle tip over the entire thing - including 4 glasses of vodke, a carton of orange juice and an ashtray.

You couldn't make it up could you?

was there a third date or an arrest?

OR DID THEY JUST DRAG YOU TO DEED POLL AND RE-NAME YOU FRANK SPENCER!

YOU MADE ME LAUGH THOUGH

CREACHY

Good point about Frank Spencer...