h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

How to give a cat a pill.

1. Pick up cat and cradle it left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call in partner.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold head with one hand while forcing wooden ruler in mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to partners forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with a dessert spoon. Flick down throat with an elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw T shirt away and fetch new one.

12. Ring the fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill.

13. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get partner to drive you to accident and emergency. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home. Order table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL ...........

1. Wrap it in bacon.

cruel!

I onece had feed cats. one was allergic for something and needed a pill, but both cats were grey coloured so after few days I did not know which cat needed that pilll.

Awwww pheloxi. It wasn't meant to be cruel. It was meant to laugh at the fact that you "can't" give a cat a pill easily.

But you can with dogs.

I know we had 2 cats. after they were posioned by an very evil person it was even harder.

Oh sweetheart. I didn't know!

ttis ok...it was over 25 yrs ago (give or take few years).
both cats survived and became very old cats. mummy cat was about 16 (may be older) when she died and daughter cat was so sad after that they took her to vet to join her with mother.

awwww....

http://catsinsinks.com/
http://kittenwar.com/

Just don't have a Cat as a pet, they are the most boring of pets!

But now dog's much more interesting!

Get some more guinea pigs. You can never have too many guinea pigs.

upstair neighbours of mine have 2 squirrels. I think that is sad!

Grr, cat's aren't boring. My cat's very entertaining!! And it's awesome 'cause unlike most cats he doesn't claw people every two seconds 'cause he's just lost interest. Hee hee hee. He only hurts someone if they're deliberately annoying or hurting him for a long time.

Meanwhile, I'd like a squirrel. They are the rulers of our world.

you should read A381683

Cats are really boring, boring, bor(yawn)ing!

Dog's are interesting really good fun to be with allways pleased to see you and they keep you fit and heathy too, Walkies anyone!

Jack go fishing!

Don't like fishing. like walking me dogs



And BYe

o! heh!

I do not like fishing either that is why I send you fishing!

God, your boring too!

proud to boring!

better boring, than an anounce!

Ok w@nker

you do not have to be rude!

be have!