h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This was sent to me by a friend and made me pee myself!




Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for
six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him on the seventh
day resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?" God pointed
downwards through the clouds.
"Look Michael, look what I've made" said God. Archangel Michael
looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God," and
I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and its going to be a
great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth, "for example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people." God continued, pointing to the different countries.

"This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?" "Ah," said God. "That's the north of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, seven great cities in Yorkshire alone, and many impressive towns; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians.

The people from North England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed," What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!" God replied very wisely, "Wait till you see the set of w***ers I'm putting down South!!"

Oh!!! let me catch my breath!!!


*wipes tears from my eyes*

Well...that's what you get for living south of Birmingham

Now you see, that joke exists in a much older form where it goes on about the majesty or Scotland and how great the scots are before mentioning the 'balance'

But I was always told that things were very gim 'oop north'. After all you've got that large hole that is Brum to contend with.

Brum is quite easy to skirt around....and it's only grim because of what the Mancs release into the atmosphere.....they're practically Scottish anyways....

Odo, are you looking for a slap?

Little me?

Though I will admit that Brum is more navigable then London.

& I'm pretty sure VV insulted the scots, so she's living on borrowed time too Brum is a wonderfull city, it's better than Leeds, I mean what kind of backwards retardic place has no buses running on new years day?

Most of Wales! But then out here in the styx we only get two a week anyway.

I've got a friend, and where she used to live, if a friend, from the nearest town, came to see her and used the bus then they had to wait till the next day to get the bus back as it went one way in the morning and then came back in the afternoon

They still run stage coaches then?

And the post comes via the Pony Express.

*sulks*

Oh Jack!!

Well!