h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

log on immediately or i'll cry in a noisy,runny nose sort of way.

I haves been logged on all of the morning. I nevers have see'd your massage.

I have battled long and hard with the opressors and they have explained to me that a word on my guide entry sounded like a South Ifrican term of racial abuse and edited and everything it is back again. Hurrah!!

Thats nothing.On my space I have been executed four times in a row in a Mary Queen of Scots Part One sort of way:'Ah'mm not deed yet!'Aren't you the Will Hay fan? My new!local!video!shop has loads of his stuff on the shelves.

Fyrirgefðu, hvar er klósettið? Talar þú íslensku?

Lucky you!! I'd recommend seeing Ask A Policeman and Oh! Mr Porter if you are at all interested. A691049 Very nice films, which are so much funnier and more pleasant to watch than Dude Where's My Car and the latest nonsense featuring some Channel 4 yank dipping his privates in a blancmange or suchlike.

a video shop? in Somerset? What will they think of next, tetanus jabs?

Gaman að hitta þig. Bless bless.

For translations have a looky looky at

http://www.bbc.co.uk/education/languages/european_languages/languages/icelandic.shtml

don't ban me.

F**k f**k the Po-leece!

Fyrirgefpu,huar er Klysettip?

I think you meant to say:

Fyrirgefðu, hvar er klósettið?

I could just about understand, but the pronounciation was a tad wide of the mark. Congrats for trying.

Bedheugh why lowenak....Holy mother of God and all the saints its foggy today so it is bejeezus. No, I really MEANT have you got a toilet.The mention of tetanus has made me wonder wether you have been watching heartbeat in a sneaky way under the duvet.It won't make me go blind because i am a girl...but you!Stop it IMMEDIATELY

Again with your subversive Heartbeat comments! No I haven't seen it. Is Nick Berry still in it along with the fat man with a beard who plays Joan Sims husband in Carry On At Your Convenience?

Moreover is it still sinfully drab?

Sorry,job hunting again.Forgotten everything I was talking about because of the dire layouts of the pages I've just trawled through.I ahave a good mind to set myself up as a cut price web-page designer.any luck in finding your dream job?Even though you haven't asked it was Cornish and means Happiness! but not in a Ken Doddy way...

Oh sorry, I assumed you were possessed of the devil and talking in tongues. I called up my good friend Bishop O'Hoolahann to rid you of these demons.

Is it Cornish though? Or might one suggest it is Kernish?

No jobs as of yet. I'm getting quite desperate to find something now, these endless days of druggies and nonces are doing my head in. I was up until 3am looking last night at various Record Labels and possible ways of infiltrating them. Trouble is I'm not so keen on starting as a Runner or equivalent poxy job that will leave me barely enough money to get to work and back and buy an apple to keep me going for the entir e week from Benjy's house of unfettered diptheria and swamp fever.

What job are you looking for?

i don't want a job.I have to have more money.'Nuff said.I'm already really busy 'in the community',decorating my substandard housing and trying to teach my kids that 'knobcheese' is very funny but not in front of Grandma.Part-time,well paid.Thats the sort of job i want.

au contrair, knobcheese is especially funny when said in front of grandparents, just not at the time and not infront of the kids. Try embarassing them in front of their friends parents by vomitting or pulling your arm off your jumper. Play those pesky kids at their own game and there can only be one winner.

The decision to appoint motion had already been foretold.Had not her great kylieness previously urged all to do the locoMOTION.Had not those great Northern heroes of old BlueMondagsday(after love had torn apart their friend Ian)pleaded with us to get 'A world in MOTION'?
Sooths and sages,all.

Oh Joy! You have finally shown a bit of curtisy. I don't believe the antipodean sex dwarf had anything to do with it though. Surely that particularm prophesy predated her airbrushed backside.

You are avoiding the question though minister, do you rate Motion or is your old chum Hughes a better writer of verse?

Ted Hughes was not a soundbite media friendly new labour wave hands to show sincerity,furrowed caring brow new!labour kind of wordsmith.His poem celebrating the queen mother's (praise her scottish ancestry)90th birthday was proof of that.The oak going down into the soil,the ancient house of Windsor.etc.etc.My favourite (apart from 'the thought -fox') was the one that started 'This house has been at sea all night'...

But Andrew is younger and more media friendly, with just a hint of of former left wing radicalism which has long passed him by to ensure mainstream success. A winning formula in everybodies eyes. I'll vote for him. Isn't the Poet Laureate just a fancy name for MP for Hampstead and does it really mean Glenda Jackson in Hungarian?

gosh!Did you hear that Glenda's brother accidentally nearly dropped an Action Man Stunt Rider off the balcony at michaels pool party?it was lucky they hadn't had to rescue it cos theyd all drunk to much Coke and michael can't swim.paul said Brenda had told him to be careful out in the fields because there were horses in the country about which they nothing.

Tis true, Michael would dissolve faser than an Alka Seltzer in a chlorine filled pool.

I have a problem with our public servants being 1)ginger 2)former actors/actresses/sportspeople 3)appearing in 70s in which they are hideously violated by Oliver Reed.

If only we had a written constitution like the USA we wouldn't have this problem. We'd get proper b-list actors with brain-rotting diseases running the country instead of oscar winners in 'arthouse' films. Pah.

whoops nearly got my threads tangled then.