h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Wondered if i could interest you in joining this society of Dutch rastafarians currently meeting on a barge in Maida Vale?

I am already a member. A founder member. No one has realised that I am neither Dutch and am clearly not a rastafarian. I think it must be my extensive a complete knowledge of the works of Lee Scratch Perry, Peter Tosh, Toots & The Maytals and Jimmy Cliff that has fooled them. I am the Club Treasurer. Basically I make sure we don't spendd more on weed than we make in membership fees and the sale of our own 'produce' to friends and family. And that Ali Campbell from UB40, he gets through about 14lbs a day. Seriously hardcore he is.

That Ali Cambell has come out in unfavour of the decriminalisation of Mister Ganga,because he is utterly addicted. So is one of my mates.Its silly to pretend you can't get addicted to it..its a drug.Thats the only sensible thing I intend to say all week.

That's the silliest thing you are likely to say all week. It's not a drug, it's a plant. It's easy to get dependent on it to get through daily life (as i have been) but by no stretch of the imagination is it in the slightest bit addictive.

Anyone can stop using overnight and not go back to it. Simple.

Ali Campbell smokes a wheelbarrow full every day!

Thats easy for you and I to say.You should see the careless way I give up smoking because I feel like it.I'm the envy of all my friends.Not drinking for an entire year to see what autumn and spring looks like sober was nothing to me.Do you know why? Because I had two older sisters.

Giving up smoking is overrated. I decided to annoy friends who had been attempting to give up for years by quitting on a whim using my own patented system, every time I needed a fag I had a 'pipe' instead. Worked wonderfully. Now I have reverted to being a part-time weekend smoker, a happy medium I believe.

Are you really the envy of all your friends because you have 2 older sisters?

there has never been any research on the subject,if there is they haven't asked me yet.And yet I am prime research material.I know you just pretended to misunderstand me,but less of the lighthearted banter.I barely got out of my childhood alive and I still can't reverse properly.

Are you looking for sympathy? Do I look like a vicar? Oh. As a practitioner of herbalism and marxism I believe that everyone should be treated fairly and equally regardless of age, sex, religion, race etc etc. But, I cannot condone poor driving and people that make me wait in carparks while they take 64 attempts to reverse into a space the size of Peterborough. It makes me sick. That's why I carry golf clubs at all times. I can't stand the game but the make a discreet weapon, after all, who wouldn't trust an aged gentleman of the cloth, wearing a dog collar, burberry loin-cloth and carrying a 3 foot metal tube with a slab of steel on the end of it.

PS Drugs are bad. Prescription ones that is. Although heroin, crack etc etc ruin lives and create hopeless addicts out of people, more people are killed each year by prescription drugs, not to mention the consequences of alcohol, which apart from Tom Waits and Shane MacGowan has rarely produced anything of worth.

Acid and pot. Drugs for the future.(TM)

Don't talk to me about methodone.My childrens father who was unfortunately killed in the Bush in 1998 never could come off that stuff.DF118'S were hard currency to him,too.

I'm sorry to hear that.

The widespread abuse of many other types of 'legal' drugs is such a ridiculous problem, yet the government targets students and aged liberals who partake in a little smoking in their private time and wouldn't harm a fly.

I do believe politics in this country is based on such an extreme of corruption throughout the system that those in charge don't realise the scale of it all. That's why I am going to emigrate, if all goes according to plan. I'm quite a way of it and need to learn Icelandic first, but one day...

I'm extremely fond of England.But everything is against you having a good time.I'm adept at going all the way to penzance on a single to Exeter but look at the foolish way i'd have to have be earning at least £3000 quid a week to get off income support and not be left with £2.50.And yet my kids and I live on £120 a week.
I'm learning Arabic because Lebanon looks pretty.i don't see why i have to go to war if i don't feel like it.Democracy is a very overrated concept.

Too right! Democracy is a much misrepresented concept, wielded by idiot politicians who haven't a clue about it. Philosophy should be taught to all secondary school students rather than informing them how they should think and learn and question in all the 'scientific' subjects.

Lebanon - great food, wasn't it called the Paris of the East? beats the monotony of this country and the continued waste and destruction of the working class and its society. Grrr

I'm off to eat an apple and laugh at scum for an hour. Bye!

no doubt it conforms to EEC regulations.Whiich reminds me can you perform exorcisms on cars? On the kacking front could you get in and change my childbenefit day to monday? Also I just thought you might get the Lloyds TSb computer to read debit as credit on my account just until december.thanks.

No, no and no sadly. My dad's friend can exorcise a car or two, well in reality he fixes them using spanners and then charges me ludicrous amounts of money as a favour. Well thanks. And then when I try to drive the car out again he hasn't lined the steering wheel up properly and I'm heading at that Rainbow Bus. Oh Christ.