h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Monitor and the Merrimack - A969483
Author: Jodan - Mining 42- Take a look at the Atheist Project at A953255 - U201497

It's a boring story, but apparently important... I don't remember how

Looks like a more descriptive title would have attracted more reviewers

I think you've put the cart before the horse here. It's an interesting subject but you should start from the beginning and not assume that the ships' names or mentioning the American Civil War were enough to put the reader in the picture.

Give it a proper intro and sort the pieces and that'll be it



Bossel

"During the American Civil war, the Confederate ship CSS
The Virginia which had been raised from the Union ship CSS The Merrimack and still referred to as its Union
name."

This sentence doesn't really make sense. I think I know what you mean but only because I already know the story. It should probably be two sentences.

"Leuitenant" English spelling error, expecting "Lieutenant".

I agree that something more of an introduction, perhaps about the state of the naval war before the ironclads, is necessary. Also, it should be pointed out that this was the beginning of the age of the armoured warship in which we live today.

Overall, it just strikes me as too short.

I think I did point out that it was the beginning of ironclad warfare. And why do you get such a thrill of pointing out my errors, anhaga

I'm just trying to be helpful! You've always been helpful with my entries, so now it's my turn.

Yes, you pointed out that it was the beginning of ironclad warfare, but it seems to me it could be expanded upon a little, the fact that the nature of naval warfare changed radically from the old days of grappling and boarding to the new way of what amounts to tank duels at sea. Uh oh, now I'm on a roll. After all, ironclads at sea preceded and to some extent were the inspiration for modern land armor such as tanks and APCs (cf. H. G. Wells' "The Land Ironclads"). . .

oh, never mind.

Good point! I wrote something of an introduction, but I refuse to listen to nitpicks about it! I'll read it over myself

I found a nit! But I'm not going to tell you where the apostrophe isn't.

I think it works much better now.

thanks! I'll try running it through spell check now.

I've found two more nits

- The entry will look much nicer if you enclose each para within and ,

and -seeing that there's a gap in the Guide-

- there should be something more on when and what the American Civil War was, just to comfort the ignorant European reader



Bossel

Good solid pieces of advice there bossell, I'll get on it right away.

Sorry, I mean Bossel

Okay, I did it

I've read this through several times and find the action described confusing and hard to follow

I grasped the key idea of the entry, but which ships named what when, where and how often left me scratching my head .

Yes obviously Monitor and Merrimack. But it would be helpful to set the scene, giving a clearer history (with a few more dates maybe) of each vessel prior to the encounter, before going into the event. It was just one battle wasn't it? Where? Still Norfolk Navy Yards? (where are they?)

I've read it again. The passage about the Merrimack really needs revision. Work out what the vessel was called, explain the reason for the alternative name, and stick to one name. Say when it was sunk (was it ironclad then too?), when it was recovered, and when it started being a Confederate vessel (in that kind of order - otherwise you get the impression there was more than one Merrimack going around being sunk ). You also introduce the fact of the Monitors previous battles as an unexplained aside.

Also it would be worth defining an ironclad ship - are they still wooden ships with complete(?) armour plating or metal framed and skinned vessels? If you could say who was responsible for the innovation that would be a bonus.

I trust the criticism will be helpful - I certainly don't intend to nitpick.

Pimms

It is, thanks. I did an overhaul and was going to steampress it later on, so if it feels unclear, that's why. But the problem with reading through your own entry is that you brain fills in the gaps, so that's why your comments are useful!

To answer your questions, which I will fill in later...

Yes obviously Monitor and Merrimack. But it would be helpful to set the scene, giving a clearer history (with a few more dates maybe) of each vessel prior to the encounter, before going into the event. It was just one battle wasn't it? Where? Still Norfolk Navy Yards? (where are they?)

>The first battle, and really the only one took place off of hampton (something after Hampton, I'll check later)

As far as I can tell, there is no reason that the kept calling it the Merrimack except that's what it had been called. Maybe they didn't have time to scratch off Merrimack from the side of the boat. (It's a long name)

The confederacy launched their only major offensive actually to attack Norfolk I THINK and the Union wasn't expecting this, and couldn't defend the (ironclad) merrimack and very quickly sunk it. The Confederates raised the boat, (still ironclad)

>>Also it would be worth defining an ironclad ship - are they still wooden ships with complete(?) armour plating or metal framed and skinned vessels? If you could say who was responsible for the innovation that would be a bonus.

will sort out his thoughts and update it
Good point

I updated it

Quick work

Thanks for the clarifications of some of my confusions. I'll look at this in a few days when you've had a chance to polish it and look up extra facts.

I know you don't want to know about typos.

Strangely it seemed to read a bit better before the update! (you can't win)

Pimms (with acknowledgements to )

Now that's not nice! Did you read me telling anhaga that?

Actually, I think it's a lot better now, I'll polish it later though

Hi Jodan,

I'll fill in a couple of typos for you, so you don't have to look for them yourself (I know how difficult this is to do sometimes).

indpendence > independence

Souths > South's (there's your missing apostrophe )

'The Virginia had been raised from the Union ship USS The Merrimack after Union forces sunk it when the state that the Union naval yard was in joined the Confederacy.'

I'm still confused by this sentence. Does it mean that the Merrimack was first of all a Union ship and was restored by the Confederacy and renames the Virginia?

I also think that the last paragraph 'clunks'.

'Today, the idea of ironclad ships has moved to land. The idea of tanks was largely affected by the American Civil War's new use of the ironclad ships by convincing generals on both sides of the practical use of the ironclad, they both built many more.'

This might read better something like:

'Today, the idea of using iron cladding has moved onto land. The idea and design of tanks was largely affected by the American Civil War's new use of the ironclad ships. The success of ironcladding led to its being used as standard to armour military ships and vehicles.'

Or something like that.

Hello, weird singing fish guy! Yes, the Merrimack was originally a Union ship, the Confederacy raised it and named it the Virginia, but they still called it the Merrimack.

Thanks for the typo advice

Uh, just to nitpick (because I got caught on the same thing) that should be "Hello, weird singing fish woman!"