h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Winter's Lament - A960392
Author: Hypatia (praying for peace) - U200042


****Winter's Lament****

Though the wind blows cold outside my door,
It's warm beside the fire.
The kettle whistles cheerfully -
I have all that I require.
Yet my soul is ever longing
For a day so long ago,
When jonquils danced beneath the sun,
And he and I joined in the fun -
All part of springtime's show.

We walked along a country lane
And planned the years ahead.
All around the earth was blooming -
Winter's gloom had fled.
We were filled with hope and promise;
We had dragons yet to slay.
We knew that someday there would be
A spring our eyes would fail to see -
Yet it seemed so far away.

Now our country lane has vanished,
But just to mortal eyes.
Confused by time we fail to see
What is real and what's disguised.
Like a ghost ship ever sailing
With no respit from the sea,
The patterns that our lives have traced,
Are always there - can't be erased.
What was will ever be.

So in winter I remember
The sweet warm days now gone,
'Till the tulips bloom and nature smiles
To hear the robin's song.
Then the mist of time is lifted;
Life sparkles like a gem.
For now my love comes back to me
To await the time impatiently,
When I will go to him.

Hypatia

I like this But I would!

You're just an old softie.

Indeedee! But it's got my vote

Perhaps we ought to discuss what exactly you are trying to say in this piece, so we can make sure you are getting your meaning through to a newbie.

This poem was written for my mother-in-law shortly before she died. It was intended as comfort and encouragement. The concept of time has always fascinated me. In this poem, I have her leaving the present and entering a time past, which is in fact as real as the present. A time when she's still young and healthy and her lover is alive and vibrant.

In the original version, a couple of the lines were different. My mother-in-law outlived three husbands. So, it originally read:

And all my loves come back to me
To await the time impatiently
When I will go to them.

I changed it for this posting, because I thought more people would relate to it if she was dreaming of a singular lover.

Thanks H! I'll have to re-read it [in the morning though!]

This is lovely as well, and thank you for including the background information. Once again, you have that sense of time flowing through the poem.

I am interested in the form. Is the 9 line -a-a-bccb a form which you devised yourself, or does it have a name? I like the slightly uneven feel it gives to each verse. The bccb means that you can tell the verse has finished, and by then you have forgotten the -a-a- which give it the unevenness. I would imagine that this would also be a good form to use for a more disturbing poem, but it suits this one too.

Once again - I suggest you send it Post-wards. They do publish poems every week, if they can get them, so they will appreciate a store to draw on.



Ben

PS - forgot to say that when the UG is up and running, this one would get my vote.

B

Is it an iambic pantameter?

Ben, I didn't consciously copy the rhyme scheme, but I've read so much poetry that I could have done so subconsciously. I wanted something a little different. Most metered poetry has an even number of lines with pretty basic rhyme schemes...which is fine. And they have a more even meter.

I've experimented with a couple of other schemes. One of the other poems I put into AWW (The Rose and the Nightingale) has seven lines per stanza and an abbccaa rhyme scheme.

I try to pick a scheme and meter before I begin. But I'm certainly not a professional poet and sometimes I have trouble getting them to scan...as you pointed out with Soul Mates.

FwT, iambic pentameter is used in The Rose and the Nightingale, but not throughout. The most famous line of iambic pentameter is "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day". Sonnets are 14 lines of iambic pentameter. Very strict rules when you write sonnets.....which is why I don't try one very often. Talk about being hard to get to scan perfectly.

I really like it, Hypatia. Do you mind if I print it out, I can see myself using it myself sometime? I will credit the rhyme-scheme as 'an Hypatian Nonet' or something similar.

Have you come across the book 'The Sounds of our Singing' - it is written by a poetry professor and has several thousand verse-forms, with an example of each, written by him! It is so full of formal inspiration it is a bit scary, to be honest.

One of my most surprising recent successes was a Rondeau. The most famous of them is 'In Flanders Fields' but what I found when I wrote mine was that the half lines really left the thing dangling. y!

Thanks again - I look forward to reading more.

Ben

Copy it, by all means. And no, I haven't read "The Sounds of Our Singing." I just checked our catalog at the library and we don't own a copy of it. Thanks for the recommendation. I'll try to order a copy. And if it's out of print, I'll borrow it from a large library to read.

I have never been consistent with my writing efforts. I'll go for months without writing anything at all, then go on a writing jag. It's always just been a hobby, so I've never gotten serious about studying the mechanics either. And now I've reached the age where I'm looking back and asking myself the old "what if" questions. I wish I had taken it more seriously. Not that I'm too old to get a fresh burst of energy and accomplish something. I'm only semi-ancient.

I'm also looking forward to reading your poetry. I'm so busy at work that at times it's hard for me to get online long enough to just browse. And my husband has been ill,so my time at home is limited as well. But I'm determined to find the time.

My writing goes in fits and starts - mainly when I am unhappy. So even happiness has a price!

I will get it up onto my geocities page, but no-time soon, I am afraid.



Ben

I write like that too: I'll write two in a night and then none for months! Usually it's not related to a mood, just a 'message': I usually write when I have a concept that's bubbled round my head for a while!

I never knew you wrote Ben! s to go have a look-see!

I submitted this poem and the 3 others in AWW to the Post. I'll let you know if I hear back from them.

God you know I hate to say this, but... this poem seems a little "twee". Kettles whistling etc.

I really appreciate the sentiment behind it though...

So don't hit me !

Ah - but you are Goddess of the Wild Hunt - no? Isn't it inevtiable that domestic stuff like kettles will seem very - er - domesticated to you?

I understand why you say what you say, and in fairness, it is something which can be said about this poem, but it also sets the tone slightly, and the tone of the poem does bring out the sparkle-eyed old-ladyness of the woman it is about.

Welcome to AWW Holda.



fwt - I took down just about all of my poems, because I have concerns about copyright. The versions that the post published of some of them are still here. I will put them up on Geocities, possibly later today.



Ben

Emails received and replied to Hypatia

shazz

Hi, Holda. Thanks for reading my poem and taking the time to respond. I'm sorry it doesn't do anything for you. Maybe one of the others I submitted will be more to your liking. But, I'm a middle-aged grandmother, so I'm pretty domestic. You should have met me in my wilder days. I'm afraid most of the poems I wrote in those days would be moderated.

Scary H!

Dagnabbit! I wondered why I couldn't see any!