h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Ohhh yeah....

Its really made me think about my code of ethics and whether they really are right or not

(just a bit blue today)

Helelou

hi helelou,

Don't be blue! Instead, have a or a and enjoy yourself and your thoughts. And then share them with us!

The thing about being 'selfish' is that I think we are basically born that way. I mean, how many of you have kids? What can ever be more selfish than a 2-year-old who cannot get his/her way? So, perhaps compassion needs to be learned. And I think the best way to teach this - either to 2-yr-olds or adults - is by example.

Golden rule again (sorry legend )

Then again, we are also born with a definite sort of personality, doncha think? I mean, I was brought up (using the term very loosely) by really whacko parents who didn't know how to behave properly themselves. Basically, they did a lot of damage. From this 'example' my older brother learned to then hurt his own children. I went the other way. Even though I don't have kids, I decided that 'passing this on' was not the way I wanted to go. I also realized that my parents had also been 'reacting' to things that had happened to them in their own childhoods. And probably this had been going on for generations. For myself I decided - it stops right here with me! I was not about to pass this on in my life, to the people I love. Well, okay, it actually took awhile to get there - made plenty of mistakes myself. But now I feel quite proud of me! I'd rather stick hot needles in my eyes than ever hurt another person intentionally. And I'm always appalled when I find out I've ever hurt someone without realizing it.

And this isn't because I have some huge personal need to be 'good'. Rather, it just suits me to be this way, as much as I can. BTW, older brother has ended up being a complete mess - alcoholic, his wife and kids left him, he's now totally alone and miserable.

We reap what we sow, I reckon.

Well, on that cheery note! time to love you and leave you!

az

I agree about two year olds Iwas a terrible mother eventually I realised the damage I was doing to them and gave them to their father (who is a better mum)and got myself some help. I became responsble for myself and now try to set a good example altho I keep falling of the wagon I keep on trying taking one day at a time ( gosh that sounds like a terrible cliche!)
gotta go to work
catch you later
(just a little blue today)

Helelou

hi again helelou,

sounds to me like it took a lot of strength to do what you did - to realize your own weaknesses at the time and put your children's needs maybe ahead of your own.

good for you!

what wagon to you keep falling off of? (there are so many) sounds a bit painful.

hope you stop feeling blue soon!

az

Greeting Helelou and Azahar, et al. Been reviewing this conversation.

I don't think the purpose of argument (or passionate discussion) should be to persuade the other person- which almost never works- but to help others understand your point of view. And likewise, you should try to understand their point of view. Frequently, disagreements are much smaller than either party realizes- often merely a difference of vocabulary.

About selfishness: We all need to care for ourselves first. Those people who are always sacrioficing themselves for others are often the most pathetic people of all. Read Ayn Rand's The Virtue of Selfishness for a philosophical defense. If religion is your forte, remember Jesus said " You shall love your neighbor AS yourself". That implies you love yourself, and you don't love your neighbor MORE than yourself- it's just not healthy!

I don't want to questions your views Bryce, but there is a confusion in your words. You quoted Jesus yourself, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." I understand it not as careing for ourselves first but simply not putting yourself down in order to make others feel better

Hey azahar

I fall of al sorts of wagons the main one tho is the alcohol wagon I feel I may be a binge drinker which in reality means I'm an alcoholic I can go a while without but then I start again Other wagons are the sort or doing wrong I have a lot of rage inside me and at times I can be quite nasty but again I am working thro it and I just keep on trying sometimes life gets in the way of living

(Feeling pink now)

Helelou

overcoming one's upbringing to transcend limitations---whether self-imposed or as a product of one's heritage---transcend limitations, DO NOT LIMIT THYSELF nmad well should be etched. never sell yourself short and all those cliches, what it comes down to is that, even if you don't KNOW what to believe in, ya gotta believe in SOMEthing....and you get up in the morning and do whatever it is again. re-adust to situations. flexible. adaptable.
kinda like h2g2.

hi all,

I just posted this quote in another conversation, but I think it also works for this one:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that
other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that
is withing us.

It is not just in some of us - it's in everyone!

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence
automatically liberates others!

- Nelson Mandela, inaugural speech, 1994

beuatiful. thats some good mind food az.

Wow that was great

it's a continuing struggle, in each of us, and outside each of us. very difficult decisions are made, heroic choices made, and getting over the regrets is a long and twisty path---as is following the path we each want to try and follow. whereever it leads....

hi random,

I think that having regrets must be one of the worst things to have to live with (on a personal level). I teach English, so this is the 'third conditional' - an impossible action as the action has already taken place and therefore cannot be changed, and so the third conditional exists mostly to express regrets.

Mostly I try to live in the present tense, with a bit of future stuff happening. Past tense I prefer to use just for story-telling, not as a place to dwell.

To me, regretting things fall under the category of 'wrong' because it's just such a waste of time - and I think it's always a terrible shame to waste our precious time here on things that can never be changed (well, unless one can learn from past things we think are mistakes).

Just a few Sunday afternoon thoughts. Boy I hate Sundays!

azahar

hi az, it's sunday morning here across the pond and that past/present conditional thing always threw me for a loop. too much to do now, to help make today and all the tomorrows better...the sun just comes up a few hours later here, but it do come up every morning!
i may have done the right thing at the wrong time, and the wrong thing at the right time in several random time zones at once...
as long as we keep trying. giving up is definitely wrong, 'cuz there's always something new to learn.
nobody told me it would be easy, and if they did, they lied.

Hey, everyone ! Nice quote, azahar ! It encapsulates my view nicely.

Good luck with your struggle, Helelou ! We all havee personal demons of one sort or another. If you stumble and fall down, you just have to get up and get moving again .

Az - yes regrets can hold you back, if you spend all your time regretting things, you miss all that is happening now. This took me a while to learn. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing! !
I just try to do my best now and hope I don't create to much "wrong" later

so we get back to "right" and "wrong." there's no handy-dandy, easy-to-understand "Rule" here, except to keep tryin' to be the best we can be, for ourselves and for those close to us.

I agree that there is no handy-dandy easy 'right or wrong' rule for all of us to follow - I think it ends up being something we all decide on a very personal level.

But an example - yesterday someone I thought was a friend treated me in what I thought was a rather insulting manner. This went on for awhile and eventually I lost my temper (there were in fact two other people involved). Later I accepted that I had lost my temper and so I apologized - without saying I had actually been provoked cos I know I almost never ever lose my temper except under quite extreme situations. But I was quite willing to apologize and take responsibility for my own actions. Then the friend said that 'there was a LOT more to be apologized for!!!' and went about trying to blame the third person and myself for her own bad behaviour. At which point I said I had to go out to do some shopping and escaped all of that for the moment.

question - why can't people admit when they have made a mistake without trying to look for someone else to blame?

I mean, I felt I had been provoked into what I consider quite bad behaviour on my part. But in the end I accepted that as MY problem and was quite willing to apologize for it. I did not say to my friend - 'well if you and the other person hadn't been behaving like total jerks then I would never have lost my temper!' No, I simply apologized for myself and hoped that would be accepted for what it was. But it wasn't accepted.

Why???

az

I think it's a power thing. Some people feel if you say you made a mistake and apologise then you are losing "face" or are weak. I prefer to say I'm wrong (much to hubby's surprise ) and then move on, but some people will never admit their wrong or will blame others for their mistake

I
Guess we're just more grown up

i dunno about grown up, but i've grown out.... as for the 'blame game' all's i can say is that it's been happening since recorded history and i don't play there no more.