h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

this is the blue room, otherwise know as the The Lab. it is used for developing technologies which could be used to achieve world domination. mind the sheep.

*refines sheep in bikini tactical weapon*
maybe if the bikin was blue with YELlow spots....

I'm not sure if you would approve but I've just developed this exploding sheep...

No, don't pat it....

EXPLODING SHEEP!? ooo...how does it work? what happens if i press here?

*wiping sheep guts from her eyes*
I thought I said don't touch... Never mind, I have several more prototypes.

And look here, you're not going to believe what I've just made. A sheep that can decode any message...
And here in these five jars are clones of the same sheep. I am going to call them Dolly, Dolly, Dolly, Dolly, Dolly, and Reg

ergh...sorry about that...
ooohhh..dolly is cute, and so is dolly. lets test them...
Reg, come here. decode this:
jr;;p/ yjod od s yrdy pg yjr djrr[/

ba baaa bbaaa baaah bah

See, told you he was good. Now all I have to do is find a person who can speak sheep...

i'm sure there's someone out there...or maybe we should genetically engineer them to have the capacity to speak english....hmmm...
*starts scribbling vague algorithms and diagrams on paper...*

Carry the seven... carry the seven...
You're good at these maths things. I usually just mix potions until something explodes...

*covers both sides of paper in lots of pretty numbers*
AHA! i'm done! all we need to do is re-arrange this chromosome here *points on diagram* and we'll be all set!

Right on it Boss. I'll have it done in a jiffy...

::B4 carries in what appears to be a 'Chia Pet from He11' and sets it on a workbench at one side of the room. He turns to Moose }:8).::

After the fiasco with the sheep and the bikini, I thought I'd venture into a slightly different venue.

::He points to the thing on the table, which is moving about now and happens to be a sheep. The reason it didn't at first appear as such is all the external wiring, circuit boards, on-board power supply and UPS, conduits, lenses, mirrors, and small rotating antenna.::

Fellow megalomaniacs, may I present the world's first Super High Explosive Ewe Prototype. Note the S.H.E.E.P.'s inconspicuous grasslands camouflage and its seemingly docile attitude, which allow it to go virtually unnoticed by the most intelligent military minds--and some farmers.

::He taps the side of the S.H.E.E.P. with his riding crop; the animal/cyborg looks at him disdainfully and bleats noncommittally.::

Ahem! The prototype has been fitted with a subminiaturized multi-megaton nuclear warhead probably capable of destroying fully half the Amazon Basin, if that's your will. If not, it should be able to exterminate at least one American Bison and char-broil it to succulent perfection. Your choice. The settings for the size of the explosion are housed here--

::He whacks a small control panel and some lights flicker to life.::

--allowing you determine the extent... the amount... um... Did I just...? Those lights are on, aren't they?! Oops!!!

::He looks wildly about.::

RUN!!!!!

::He hooks his arms into those of whomever is standing close by and tugs like made to get everyone out of the room...::

B4itgoesoff

B4! that was the lab! you can't just blow it up!
*runs back in, grabs S.H.E.E.P and throws it out window, without opening the window first*
phew
now back to that genetic engineering...*finishes it*
there. that should do it. we now have ourselves a translating sheep.

*there is and exceptionally loud BOOM outside, followed by a lot of screaming and running*
hmmm...i'm gunna be blamed for that, aren't i?
bugger.

*flies up bloodily through the lab window* I believe that exploding S.H.E.E.P took my arm off...Anything to say about it? Or shall I just bring in my sheep from Pheonix and the shop?

ah yes. hmmm. the arm. well the thing is...you see... well B4 came in here brandishing this...*dries up* never mind. i hear you have a sheep?

::B4 enters the room again. He's seen better days. Witness the tattered rags clinging to his frame that used to be a camouflage uniform. Little wisps of smoke rise from the charred remains of his outfit. His face is grimy, except the area around his eyes where a pair of shades used to be (they're hanging askew from the remnants of one pocket). His hair is blown back, as if he were trapped in a wind tunnel, and crisped in various places. He raises a smoldering riding crop that's only half there, burnt away to within inches of the handle. He tries to speak and falters.::

Um... Sorry about the... uh... mayhem... Good thing you managed to... get rid of... the S.H.E.E.P.... Bloody shame it landed in... the parking lot... just as I was making a dash across it...

::He sits down heavily on the floor and continues more dejectedly.::

Maybe I'm not cut out for all this World Domination stuff. I mean, how much stealth and intrigue am I getting away with when an Insurance Adjuster was standing there waiting for me, seconds after the blast, tallying the damages and taking my statement of responsibility? Oh, you'll be glad to know the insurance does cover a tactical thermonuclear S.H.E.E.P. being thrown through any window of the building. :::: Look, I gotta go clean up; the rest of the parking lot and myself, you know. When I get back, maybe I could fill in for your Receptionist, part-time?

::He stands and walks to the door, his partially melted boots leaving little gooey splotches where he trod. With a final despondent wave over his shoulder he departs.::

B4iruineverything

Well just think of the wonders the S.H.E.E.P. can do against whatever army we attack..

b4? a receptionist? i won't hear of it. go and have a shower and get U'rself a new uniform (from the cupboard near the green room) and report back here when u'r done.
hey look, the translator sheep has turned purple! what a bizarre side-effect of genetic tinkering...never done that before...wonder why?

Feel, *sniff* so inadequate *sniff* *blow* need to think of better devices or will be *sniff* *sob* replaced as mad scientist *bawl*

what are you crying for wejut? u'r drink sheep is fabulous! and that souffle the other sheep made before...and the decoding sheep (we have a translator now). i think, perhaps we may need a fire-breathing sheep (just for fun). i think we may need to get some s for help...