h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I guess the problem I have with this grand theory of yours, Mr. Fulton, is the what part. I'm inclined to ask, "Who is the what?"

Now, what you seem to be saying is the who is imbued in the what by one or more of us, and I'm inclined to think that the who might be there already. But if you're an analyzer or reductionist, you're inclined to walk into the room, stare at me pointedly and ask, "How is it today?"

And it replies, "Very who, thanks."

Oh, right. I usually reply "Hanging flaccid and slightly to one side, but thanks for taking an interest."
I haven't read the post preceding the last, so I might be a tad off topic here, dunno...but it's nice to see people discussing reduction rather than enlargement for a change. You should see some of the e-mails I get...

Why wouldn't I be glad, Uncle Kyaa? You weren't mad were you? You were just busy, right? Wandering among the Wampanoags and savoring the sea breezes of Nantucket or Cape Cod or maybe even Nova Scotia where Mr. Fulton nurses his fear of snakes amid the towering tides of the Ocean Sea.

I missed you of course and truly and I also missed a significant thing about my initials. When you put them all together in your way, they seem to spell a joke or something at least in the context of being appellated to me.

So taking the hint, I'd thought I'd put us together in your way and get UK RAF Wing, God save the Queen! Never have so many owed so much to so few, which is kind of the topic of discussion here I think after all.

Well, Mr. Wad, if you didn't frequent those websites, you wouldn't get those emails I think. And I'm really glad you haven't named "it" although I bet you probably have and aren't sharing that with us.

Are you here Ana? I've missed the sleigh ride in Nantucket though it is a joyful wonder to sail in that shielded bay and feel the spray and lick my lips. It is delicious to feel the warmth of the Gulf Stream and be part of its caress on that shore. The converted barn on Coffin Street was a good home even briefly.

So this time I was over the Ocean Sea and when I got there it was cold and wet and windy and the land on which we put our feet is actually below the sea or was or may again be. My parents were happy to see us; they get so old too fast.

Later, I attempted wakefulness as I stood at the Prime Meridian with one foot in either hemisphere, it was even colder then and the view stretched on for ever, the sun shone bravely and bold but left us, alas, in the very early afternoon, the light was clean, but there was no warmth until we were able once more to head south and red.

We stood outside the quin's home but only saw and heard her guards. Bridge Over the River Quai and that sort of thing. Pip pip, chin up and I know why warm beer ain't so bad.

We came away from the yellow and white grandfathers. I thank them for what they attempted to teach me and I hope I have learned well.

By the way, would it better for me to post elsewhere, Ana.

Uncle Kyaa, you're posting in your element. You're among friends and compatriots. You've found a home. Don't question it. Take heart and move in. Nobody will dispute your right to it. Certainly not me.

I'm the one out of place here, not you.

I'm a friend to no one.

I also a rough, tough, hombre on the lone road of life. No time for sentiment here. GRRRRRRR, I'm tough!

I have a teddy bear that needs mending. Any help here?

As you're well aware, Murphy; you have rejected my attempts at aiding you in the past. But like the good friend I am, I'm willing to once more step into the fray, and slap you about the face until you drop the teddy and get a grip.

>> a teddy bear that needs mending <<

A what! Indeed a classic whatness!

In any case (teddy bears are like a pillow case - stuff 'em and sew what) you will likely hear that 2003 is the 100th anniversary of the teddy bear named for US President Teddy Roosevelt in honour of his establishing the National Parks (and beginning the environmental movement).

Very few things survive their centennial anniversary. Just too many candles on the cake I suppose. Makes the icing drip.

That's why (struggling to get back on topic) so many of the old Treaties are being ignored. "Oh they're more a hundred years old, they can't be any good!" is the argument used by those same patriots who can recite the Declaration of Independence, worship the Constitution and make their kids memorise the Gettysburg address.

Someone should point out that you can't have it both ways. If words written in 1776 or 1864 are still of value then the Treaties must be honoured too and be just as legally binding now as they were supposed to be when they were signed.

Before there was a US or a Constitution, the British had already recognised native 'hunting and fishing' rights in 1749. And after the war of 1812, everybody involved agreed to establish territory for, and recognise, the Indian Nations.

peace
~jwf~

Please will you explain further?

Yes, certainly; I'll catch hold of him by the throat, then apply my open right hand at high speed to his face repeatedly, until such time as the toy bear leaves his fervent grasp, and falls to impact upon the floor.

Well, one time some dude says to Analiese, "How's it going, Tiger Lily? Heap plenty good I reckon."

And Tiger Lily, I mean Analiese, replied, "It's Wendy to you, Michael. Now you drag 'Teddy' to the nursery and if you're faining sleep by the stroke of nine, Peter Pan will come and tell you a story about Colonel Roosevelt and his Rough Tough Riders. There's a good lad."

"But I don't want to go to bed," protested Michael.

"Yes, you do dear, it's in the Constitution you know? In order to form a more perfect union and that sort of rot. Now go, and I'll be there in a moment to tuck you in. And don't you dare breath a word to mother and daddy or we'll be in a great deal of trouble, to be sure.

And Sister will have to spank you for being nasty and impudent and give you up to the savage red indians who will burn you AND 'Teddy' at the stake. WOO WOO WOO WOO!"

"I'm frightened Wendy."

"We're all frightened dear, but as long as you don't hear the air raid sirens we'll all be snug as bugs in the rug, whatever that means."

"But all I did was call you Tiger Lily!"

"Yes dear, Sister knows what you called her. And she's annoyed because you promised 200 years ago as she recalls to never tell a lie again."

"I did not!"

"But here it is, dear, in writing. Now, who's signature is that?"

"Theodore Roosevelt."

"Oh, sorry, I'll have to thrash him then won't I?"

"Hmmph!"

"Oh, go on, now."

Did you know that General Custer used to carry a tobacco pouch made from the breast of an indian squaw? I wonder if after Little Big Horn, Sitting Bull had one made from Custer's scrotum? Seems only fair doesn't it?

I think I'd stop smoking rather than fill a pipe from either, personally.

Ana, I don't understand ... please will you give me your meaning?

Ana, I don't understand ... please will you give me your meaning?

Whoa, you folks have been busy.
Greetings 211639, your title reminds me of that Lucas film THX-1138. Kind of creepy, but at the same time resonates with the imersonal nature of typing out into the electronic universe and hoping for a response.
I seem to have lost the train of thought here as a lot of you are very bright, and I, not so much. Why are you a peace paper ~jwf~? That is beyond my grasp. An how does Neverneverland fit in? Is it another reference to Michael Jackson and his infamous ranch?
And I forget who wrote it, but just for the record. Squaw is an extremely derogatory term refering to female genitalia and was originally used by whites to get the message across as to want they wanted with native women. Try not to use it as my wife assures me "them's fighting words." And I am sure no offense was intended on your part.
As for my stellar baseball career, a shattered elbow a decade ago ended my career in the Ca I.L. before I even realized what had happened. I think about what might be possible, but I had tumor yanked out of my chest in 2001 and they took out some scar tissue from my throwing days with it. So at this point I am looking forward to maybe having a son someday who I could teach my secrets to. If he's a little tougher than me and a lot luckier maybe he'll make a go of it.

Well, lookee, I managed to confound everybody nearly at once. Don't worry, Nelson. You're not unbright. I'm just convoluted as I'm about to demonstrate.

Mr. Fulton unfortunately mispelled piece as peace, which I could have let pass without comment, and probably should have, but I couldn't resist relating the gaff to the treaties.

Then somehow we got on the topic of teddy bears and tough men, which sort of suggested a hook, so to speak, into the Disney version of Peter Pan, which many of you are maybe familiar with. Now there's an insulting peace of paper if there ever was one. Ugh! Me wantem Tiger Lily. Ugh!

Michael, who is one of Wendy Darling's younger brothers, routinely carries a teddy bear. The teddy allegedly arose in the administration of Theodore Roosevelt, who Mark Hanna, the political boss of the times, referred to disparagingly as "that cowboy", thus perpetrating TR's legend down to this day.

TR spent a couple of years in the 1880s trying to ranch in the Dakotas. This is the origin of his cowboy legend which is about as authentic as the ones associated with some of the TV cowboys of the mid-20th century. TR was in fact a "dude" from New York with more old money than he knew what to do with. So he got involved in politics and successfully convinced people he was somehow the exemplar of the pioneer spirit, when in fact he was a failure in that respect.

He compounded the problem by diverting US imperial interests to the Philippines, which the Americans had taken from Spain in 1898, and spent well over a decade subduing. TR was involved in a minor fracus in Cuba that became blown all out of proportion by William Randolph Hearst, the real life model for Citizen Kane. The charge up San Juan Hill involved TR's volunteer cavalry regiment, outfitted mostly at his expense, and bereft of mounts, so they charged on foot after the Spanish defenders had mostly be reduced by attrition. There were only a few hundred Spanish soldiers to begin with against an American force numbering in the thousands.

But TR's legend in that war coupled with his bogus cowboy image propelled him to a second term as President of the United States after he "inherited" the office upon the assassination of William McKinley, one of Hanna's lackeys who is chiefly remembered for being shot and putting "that cowbody" into the Whitehouse.

That "cowboy" is also credited with fathering the environmental movement or at least the government policies in response to that movement which included the National Forest Service. He is also credited with some of the most racist, degrading public statements about indians ever uttered by a president.

Now the reason this is significant to the Newe is because land that was supposed to be "reserved" for Newe under the Treaty of Ruby Valley ended up being designated as National Forest. The Newe were then restrained from using that land in the ways they had used it for centuries if not millenia, being forced to purchase permits for hunting, fishing, camping, grazing and practically anything else they wanted to do.

This was not the only instance of indian land being alienated by the government's response to the environmental movement. It's just the one that sticks in my mind.

And it's probably a good thing the government did put the land in trust, because otherwise it would have undoubtedly been encroached on by private interests and eventually alienated from the public domain as well. However, as with indian people's trust accounts, the government has shown itself a poor trustee of these lands and corporate interests are still trying to alienate them and the resources they possess from the public and indian domains.

So I hope this clarifies why I like to make sport of Teddy Roosevelt, his alleged bear, Walt Disney, the National Forest Service, American global imperialism, and the whole romantic spin that's been put on one of the most brutal, dispicable episodes of "encroachment" ever recorded.

Now maybe you understand why the Dann's don't think they should have to pay grazing fees and why I think the teddy bear is one of the poorest tasting jokes around.

You do too understand, Uncle Kyaa. You're more in the mainstream of global sensibilities represented at this site than either me or Rita. You're also more civilized than most people, which means you can be an influence for good maybe.